I had a guru once

We wont speak his name. And my attachment to him was silly. Completely subjective. But what a ride.


I think the the reason i am a prolific interneteer is because when i wish to check up on him, i find all places where his name has been ( according to google anyway) Are dead links. And are culty links, and where people have ridiculed him. But my head was not in the game. I thought i was talking to a Buddha. which has i think greater implications in terms of devotion and love then the Christians care to get into with GOD. It their angle.

Now i cant tell you if this man was/is a Charlatan. I cant say if he was the real deal. But that doesn't even matter in some cults. The bad guy just wants you to link up, join fantasies, let him teach you.

Mine asked me how did i want to be trained. As a christian, as a Zen, or Hindu?

I said as Zen. He asked me what i wanted to learn from him. I told him i want to learn how to walk away from you.

I perceive he taught me alot. And i am occasionally minded of him in caring ways. But i have no contact now. And no opinion about him, but i suspect that he is a bad man. Lucky my "relationship" was over the Internet/phone and i was already insane with my own imaginary friends. But i know a man i care about ( Internet know) who left home traveled half way across the world to live with him. Every time i called, there was high drama in the house. Sometimes involving cops.

I mean i am naive but ,.......that is stupidity not seeing him for what he might have been. But i had already studied years of zen quotes. so i kept telling myself that appearance does not matter, he is leading me to find the {his name} within. yeah well who is that.....its that presence...............no.........its that; no...........what is it.......oh yeah its not him but what has been in me the whole time.


But i am afraid in reality my trial was not as smooth. I wrote letters to him. I had powerful visions. I think i talked to Death himself. And i went way into the looking glass. And talked myself back home.

It was not my teachers voice that instructed me "this too shall pass"

It was my imaginary friends. MY VOICES. (in the vision he was like an enemy)


Buddha Within ME.

But it was pure hell in my head for a few years. I finally swore off gurus. And every one would be an equal to me, or my Host, or my Guest. And i try to avoid underestimating the other human in light of my pristine brilliance and...........


join my cult.

Your guru signing out.