Friday, January 11, 2008

Turn Around! Switch please.

Dear Reader.

Well, i thought i was done with christianity. I guess not.i am however done with church-inanity. I was invited to this thread, created by some people I met while at Bible truths forum. And i wanted to be open with them abotu my deconversion. Someone wanted to help me wiht what ever challenges i Have, and we have been threading since i posted the Angery Post.


http://polski8.suddenlaunch.com/index.cgi?board=coffee&action=display&num=1199310081



So far i have seen a few crittical errors in my own thinking and philosophy. And now i want to go over some Atheist arguements with this person. I dont want atheist debators to join in, i want to explore my own soup without too many cooks. We are at a place where i presented a Ferris Till arguement agaisnt fullfilled prophecy, and hope the conversation will develop well.

In the mean time i have taken to re-review christian appoligetic sites and to look for some rebuttals of Debunking Christianity people. I am playing fly ont he wall and want to study by observation come old John Loftus debate threads at theology web also. I hope this personal fight goes better with a spirital big brother assisting. For i am not a flea of scholarly knowledge, i am not a speck of education and study.

Sometimes i feel like god has a hook in my jaw, always ynaking me back and casting be out. I have not adopted either side's arguements for my own but when i woudl JUST QUIT all togetherand go onmy merry own spiritaul way something changes and i return to investigation. Desireing for Christianity.

So i digress somewhat and propose a different letter to the "people in my church"


TO Christians who say.............

Money Counterfit police "only" study the real bill so they can immediately spot the counterfiet bill.
You should not even look at what the opposition (atheists, extians) are saying, only know the bible.
Denounce those questions, denounce your wanting to make sure of the histrosity and rantionality of your Christianity. You are only letting eh Devil into your house. (Giveing satan a strondhold)
Who cares why the extian left, why know how to defend the truth, just quote the bible.


TO YOU i have a few thigns to discuss. It is because of thsoe shut downs to investigation that cause most now unbelievers to reject Church and flal prey to cunning arguments, and also what keeps them form goign back to church even if they DO find appoligectic answers that casue htem to return to worship.

There must be people who can help others who struggle with the Bible. There is a serious lack of people who are able to defend. As for dont care to know what the other side says,....Jesus took the Jewish teachers to bat, and likewise did Paul take the Greek philosophers to bat.

Do you think out Great Defenders of the Faith, our Macdowelles, Gieslers, Millers,Schaffers and Mertons ONLY studied the printed pages in the Bible? DO you think they NEVER struggled and searched over their bibles and tenents of faith?

Contrary to popular clechie not only is the counterfit cop throughly famillier with the "real bill" they are also well studied in that methods and materials of the criminal's bills. That is how they can proove in a court of law WHY they are counterfiet bills.

The counterfiet cop cannot tell the Judge the bills is false because it is not the real bill, and get a conviction. He must proove it.

The extian has heard these platitudes yet curioisity, rebellion, confusion, challenging, questions, all ahve prompted them to search for "WHY is this the real bill." You cant tell them it is the reall bill because thsoe are the false bills because they dont say what the real bill says.

This is circuler reasoning and it will fail with or without Christ in your heart.

people who say "dont look" are troubleing to me. I cirtenly wish i never questioned. i wish i could have been satisfyed with the "real bill" because it was real. Butinstead i had to say ' If it is the real bill, it should be supported in history and in testing.' And i tell you there ARE PROBLEMS with the bible that these extians DO FIND. Problems that have large christians books written about to help solve.

You really think it is better to close your eyes and pretend it is not there? I wish i could do that and not feel it was dishonest of me. Bu thten, to some are given the gift of faith. Some never have it enter their minds to objectivly test their bible.

I dont need to preach to them, I bless the Lord for them but there are others who are ment to defend and help those of us who cannot denounce every rational or challenging question. And i Bless the Lord he has provided for us also. To some are given the gift of knowledge.

I care why the extian left, and i care why i bounce around between leaving and returning. i care to search out all things and give and answer to any man who askes abotu the hope that is in me.

I do not feel that i am contradicting th ebible for this, but IAM contradicting the clechies of church-inanity.

God created Logic and out minds to explore andto use as a means to divide abd disearn truth. Hebrews teaches that god wants his people well seasoned in knowing good and evil. He also says that His people die for lack of kowledge.

How many times must i die? How many more must die because you christians tell them "dont look it is the devil", because we christians are being bombarded left and right to things "never heard before that make sence" and become fallen and wont believe the appoligetics because the info came too little too late or in isolation and the stifeling emotional anger of dissillusionment.

The enemy is cunning and gaining ground with his logic and his deceptions why aren't we keeping our soilders fed and equipped? Could it be that the Great apostacy might be AIDED by our common silence and platitudes of faith?

It is not because these people question and do not denounce, it is because not many of US know the answers.

Is my christian walk to be 30-80 years of sticking my fingers in my ears singing "la la la your the devil i cant hear you?" or maybe jsut maybe God uses the questions to test and train you to be a service to the dieing and a warriour to the killers.

Because this Battlefeild IS my testimony.............

I cold not subsist in Christ comefortably ignoring history, ignoring the spiritual appeals of other faiths, ignoring science, ignoring contradictions, ignoring OT atrosities, ignoring Doubt, ignoring spiritual questions, ignoreing the sight of many Cults and Denominations and knowing they cant ALL be the "real bill"

That is not my spiritual warfare, that is dishonesty. Lieing to myself about what i see and calling the awareness and the investigation "of the devil"

Did you know that in the bible the devil can NOT do a thing wihtout permission form god? Did you know god used the devil many many times to accomplish his purpose and teach his people?

But if you are not willing to enter the batttle, why should i tell you where the bible says those things?

AS for ' Just quote the bible it is the truth." ANYONE can quote verses, many misuse the bible even Atheists use verses in their logical argements, are they the "real bill"

Therefore i MUST study both sides and i must suffer the battle scars personally in order to proove and know that ours in the real bill and to minister to those with the counterfiets. And to be able to disearn wether or not the interpretations i create are real bills.

There is another side to this that may say.....

"yes and see how much trouble you been through, better to only know the bible." and
"Many extians are so convinced of their new arguments and justifications that an appoligetic might not be abel to help them.... Let god sort it out, see he sorts you out, you cant even stay convinced of the Anti christian side either."

I guess i can see that, figureing thsoe who are "out" have the same appoligetics i have and some may have god's hook in their mouths also. Yet i am one who wants to be able to help also, from my own experiences and personally in the everyday real world.

This real world where the "supporters" say leave "them" alone jsut witness Jesus Jesu Jesu Faith Faith Faith. And the detractors have heard that line so many times they say "Dont Bother"

But other than that you logic might as well be saying.....'why become a pastor, there are already so many good ones and no one listens to them either.'

So if i fight my fight, i would be fillign my office unto the Lord. The fight is His. To be cirten of my Chrisitanity wiht all my mind, body, soul, strength, in honesty spirit and truth AND to be able to minister to people who are questioning also.... WOULD NOT be "of the devil".

Contrary to how i must appear (such as ezekiel must have appeared during his year) as a christian yo-yo. I chose instead to see all this struggle, all this deception, all this war as training for the day the Lord may use me to teach someone who is also on THIS battlefeild.

It is not about Just arguements. It is about WHY is it wrong? HOW does it seems true. WHEN it was germinated within my spirit as a weed. Not only what it says but what does it mean.

Covert opperations if you will.

Justine.(dang ole spell check being stubborn agian)

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Cockroaches

well dear reader, I think my mind is flipping again, i am about to get into reinvestigation of christian apologetics....more on that later on..........


How my Spiritual Struggle for Christianity is like a roach infestation.

Roaches hide behind walls, cabinets, refrigerators. They sneak out few at a time and i can squash them with much satisfaction.......This is like reading the arguments and debates.

Then i begin to see more roaches. I find babies, nymphs, adults, and adults with eggs scurrying about every time i go into the room...... This is like doubts and questions about what i am reading and observations i make on my own.

I spray poisons to keep the roaches at bay.......This is like my blog where i spray words and don't deal with the arguments skillfully. I just ignore or live with the doubts by spiritual emotionalism.

Then i Move my refrigerator and see the food source of the Roaches.......This is like going out to the thread boards to test my questions and observations and to test the arguments. Seeing Errors on all sides.

I find my Roach problem is much MUCH worse then i thought it was. That it is beyond me to control. My methods haven't dealt with anything. So i call an exterminator..........This is like meeting an apologetic friend who will walk with me thru the maze of errors.

The Roaches DIE!!!!...........This is final spiritual peace.


Now, i might have written this anti-christian if i had met an atheist apologetic friend.....But that is like making the roaches my pets instead of my unhealthy infestation.


IZM

Monday, January 7, 2008

psychobabble 1

*slipps on some leon Russlle*


lights a cigarette..... in hales.....grooves......manhatten island serenade.


Opens up the chat room of one.

i promised myself a chat with the persona Lanel.... a while back there. And yeah i want to reveiw the course of time.

queensryech......Speak to me!

god has such timeing....speak the word...the word is all of us
i have given my life to become what i am.....to reach the new beginngin, to make you undestand.


anyway.

that song is too intence...i wanna chill.....


(focusing)


sometimes, when i look over my posts i think, too easy to be misunderstood. Not clear, here or typo there. My grammer is a crying shame. but on some level i think i am making points clear.


i has in mind to type out something from an old note book called essay 6. It is pure psychobabble. but took me on a little trip. and since i am in a disclosure kinda mood, ill say i kinda wrote it from the point of veiw of, if i was jesus. so if you are a professional shrink ologys....lord dont let me start addressing THAT audience....anyway its long...like everything else.

gee i am so judgemental...i need to grow some dman balls..........i'd feel SO much better if only i would speak my mind................shit i am 35 now........

I have reach the age of cycnism.

and OBI WAN has taught me well.

its MY blog il will put up what ever i want....

they are all gonna laf at you..... they are all gonna laugh at you.......they are all gonna laf at you

Itroduceing Essay 6




What is the Truth? ( essay 6)

March 11 1999,

This is not the reality i wanted, and called in to being. I used my will and my name to call my will..... Relaity slumbers in, waiting for me to let go and strive for better.

What if God came down with a slab of rock and handed you the answer tolife the univers and everything? I jsut had a funny fantacy, about me becoming some kind of prophet and thats why i am so odd a person. I day dreamed that i was reading my writning through the eyes of different groups of people or atheists. Sorta like i am the Nostradamas of a long dead creed.


Daydreaming about people studying my words, figureing me out. And loving me, being desirous to know me. Like i became a demi god.


SHEEEEESH talk about your delusions of grandure.... Any way.......

Dont worry about that, some later editor will edit that bit reality check out, and otherlittle thigns i say and use it for religious control.

God is really a person writing a story , like i am. Maybe i am creating a furture , or a past.

Anyway down the road, someone finds theses words and other true scraps...it could be like

i can see my words becoming a gospel, a bible, a religion. tool of the devil, and the governmnet by all various implications of these silly words.


People will DIE looking over words.


I dont want that! And god writes even now. Is it all a story we write?Or a story that god writes?
Is if fantacy withno basis in reality? Or is it as real as the reality goingon around me as i write this?

"I will try to be pain and easy to understand" says God. And he writes the words and gives them to men. And that happens again and again is men take the words and destroy them to the point that no man can agree who's god handedn down the law. And the truth is NONE OF THEM DID.

Hell, i am jsut writeing a story..... the real god. but not the GOD. i am not your god thing....i dotn wannabe your god thing.

you find your own tree.

Peole will crtizise , and disearn who are the false gods in my story, and who are the so called real gods. and who the fuck I am, and some will wonder if i have a god, who may be writing another tale.

One visous cycle.but it doesnt have to be jagged. I can see Christianity and Buddhism andmany other faiths interpreting my words, makeing alot of religions. even buddhism , zen, hindu, and ALL of them teaching the truth.


That none of the known gods handed down the law to men..... i did., ((hells bells this my MY fantasy?))


Who am i? I am not the god called the universal; I am not the god behind that with pencil writign on this paper now. I am the same as you. Asking the same questions as you.

Dont make *me* a religion. Dont make *me* your prophet or use me for your profit, and your cause to go to war. And do not assumne i am truely , or secretly, really sent by your god.


((ie jehova alleh satan buddha brahman ect ect ect))

You can call me part of the great spirit...and no i am not really triune.

There is go agian , writing myself back into christianity... How confusing.

AM i an atheist? How could i be, I am still writing.

............................Oh gawd , the interpretations that can some off that.

(((skips a few paragraphs))......

its just a story really, i dont have ego mainia.....i am taught to let go of strange fantasies. I understand they are illsion....but fun......yadda yaddda.........nope dont take pills never think of suicide......no one has to die.


a MYTH. that contains something......a story of life. the story of your life.


NOW at this point i am going to intermission, i really need feed back on this story, before i go on.


Lanel.

Angry Post.

My Deconversion.... according to likin park, and Weird Al Yankovitch Or .....



Picture yourself in a smoky bar, the speakers alittle too shrill for the size of the building. The same old drunk and familliar faces again. Cozy, exciting kareokee bar. ervey thing sounds like weirld al.......all these people get up and sing these songs in this order....or so you recall......it was so weird........




It starts with one thing.

I don't know WHY. It doesn't even matter how hard you try; keep that in mind, I designed this rhyme to explain in due time.
All I know, Time is a valuable thing. Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings. Watch it count down to the end of the day..... The clock ticks life away......
It's so unreal. Didn't look out below. Watch the time go right out the window. Trying to hold on, but didn't even know. I wasted it all just to watch you go. I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart.


What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hard.

And got so far.... But in the end, It doesn't even matter. I had to fall . To lose it all. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.

I tried so hard. In spite of the way you were mocking me. Acting like I was part of your property. Remembering all the times you fought with me I'm surprised it got so (real). Things aren't the way they were before. You wouldn't even recognize me anymore; .... not that you knew me back then, but it all comes back to me in the end.

You kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart. What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I....tried so hard....


I did put my trust in you..... Pushed as far as I can go
And for all this..... There's only one thing you should know.


What do I do to ignore them behind me? Do I follow my instincts blindly? Do I hide my pride from these bad dreams, and give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?

Do I sit here and try to stand it? Or do I try to catch them red-handed? Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness, Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?

Because I can't hold on when I'm stretched so thin. I make the right moves but I'm lost within. I put on my daily fa├žade but then I just end up getting hurt again. By myself (Myself) I ask why, but in my mind I find I can't rely on myself. I can't hold on, To what I want when I'm stretched so thin. It's all too much to take in I can't hold on To anything, watching everything spin . With thoughts of failure sinking in.

If I turn my back I'm defenseless And to go blindly seems senseless. If I hide my pride and let it all go on . Then they'll take from me 'till everything is gone. If I let them go, I'll be outdone . But if I try to catch them I'll be outrun.
If I'm killed by the questions like a cancer. Then I'll be buried in the silence of the answer!


(By myself)



How do you think, I've lost so much? I'm so afraid, I'm out of touch. How do you expect,that I will know what to do . When all I know is what you tell me to!

Don't you know?

I can't tell you how to make it go . No matter what I do, how hard I try, I can't seem to convince myself why you are stuck on the outside.



Soy un perdidor......



I'm a loser, baby. So why don't you kill me?


(everybody sing polka style) Soy un perdidor......I'm a loser, baby. So why don't you kill me?

Hey! I am.... I am .....I am.....I said I wanna get next to you.

I said I'm gonna get close to you. You wouldn't want me have to hurt you too....Hurt you, too...


I know you want what’s on my mind......I know you like what's on my mind......I know it eats you up inside.

I know, you know, you know, you know.........Here I come I come I come I come

Here I come I come I come


’Cause, all I wanna do is have some fun. I gotta feeling I'm not the only one. All I wanna do is have some fun, I gotta feeling I'm not the only one. All I wanna do is have some fun,Until the sun comes up over Santa Monica Boulevard...

Help me--I broke apart my insides
Help me--I've got no soul to sell
Help me--The only thing that works for me
Help me-- Get away from myself


I wanna [doink] you like an animal. I wanna feel you from the inside. I wanna [clong] you like an animal My whole existence is flawed.

You get me closer to God. Hey! Hey! Hey! You bang bang bang bang bang. Blame blame blame. You bang bang bang bang bang. It's not my thing so let it go.
'Cause the love that you gave. That we made, Wasn't able to make it enough for you to be open wide. No! And every time you speak his name Does she know how you told me You'd hold me until you died?
'Til you died

Well, you're still alive. And I'm here to remind you. Of the mess you left when you went away. It's not fair to deny me! Of the cross I bear that you gave to me. You-ou-ou-ou-ou

oughta know.... Despite all my rage. I am still just a rat in a cage. Despite all my rage. I am still just a rat in a cage.

And someone will say, What is lost can never be saved.

I love all of you.......Hurt by the cold. So hard and lonely, too

When you don't know yourself.


I don't owe you anything! I don't owe you anything! I don't owe you anything! I don't owe you anything!

Black Hole Sun Won't you come And wash away the rain?
Black Hole Sun Won't you come, won't you come
Black Hole Sun Black Hole Sun Won't you come
Black Hole Sun Black Hole Sun Won't you come
Black Hole Sun Black Hole Sun ............

Do you have the time To listen to me whine. About nothing and everything all at once? I am one those melodramatic fools, Neurotic to the bone. No doubt about it. Sometimes I give myself the creeps. Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me.

It all keeps adding up. I think I'm cracking up

And am I just paranoid

Or am I just stoned?





Or am I just stoned-oh-oh-oh-oh-ned?


Justine

why am i leaving the church; or, Happy new year!

Oh there are so many reasons, i can hardly voice them all. I mean from what angle would make my full meaning expressed in terms that the reader will agree, and observe, and be liberated form the nasty vile thing i see.

But my attempt in this essay will be a deep spiritaul look at my chruch, at myself, at the world, and a look at what i see. If i do this maybe i will have the guts to tell it in real life. Why i just dont want to fight anymore, i want to settle in a belif structure that i wholly my own, just me and god, and let us live like when we whre young, and full of sin. Free without fetters of any kind, no dogma but one's own reason.

Why i can never tell my pastor, i am leaving the church because ....please spent a week reading http://ex-christian.net/testimonials Let your heart reach out to each and every person's story, feel their pain, KNOW their struggle..........love their humanity. Cry with them, seek to understand them. And you will see why i am leaving the church. I dont blame god for any of that. I blame YOU.

Oh i am sorry that was way too om shivaya for ya.....too satanic?

Your satan is nothign but the thin veneer of meaningless hate and piss poor rebellion to reason. ALL religion is. IF you follow a religion you miss the meaning of them. And closeing off your mind ....when god is all about expantion. He wants more of you la la la .............as you want more of him la la la .


Do you really belive that YOUR god wants you to surrender your ability to reationalise and make sence of the world around you: to not question...or better then that .......obedience means you may think of all things, my son, but never think about defying me. For that, and the desires it leads too is SIN. and you will have to DIE........

Sounds like fucking pillow talk!


YOU really want to belive that your whole mind is subject to god, and sin is to think about weather what you think is truth really IS truth?

Because that is the practice of christiany i see in my church. And though it sounds strange to me because a god that IS the definition of truth and Who would desire you to love It with ALL your body mind and soul, in spirit and in truth, so that the ideal of Jesus, that we may be one with the father even as he was one with his father...............that kind of all knowing, all holy god, would find that a shitty bargon.

I am thinking He would demand that we challenged every part of our minds, and explore everything available in the garden. And if we are his sons, then everything we would experience in that garden, would be blessed of him and in comunion with his "way". But when we turn away from this principle and try to make a RELIGION and a LOGIC, and a SCIENCE of it we splenter that Unity, that is SIN. If not for turing away.......

Each would be naked and know no sin. We would only know OUR unity with god. That means one on one with god. No intermediary, No thought frame, no reference.....but only the refference that exists is betweeen you and god. IF you cannot have a god, if the image is just so tainted to imagine anymore, that is ok Your covered. Just experience reality, dont try to box it in, dont get stuck in knowing the world and knowing the arguments. He is name above all names.............DUH PEOPLE think about what that means.


NO NAME. NO dogma, just seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and ALL these things will be added unto you..... perhaps it will be added unto you a name, a personal dogma, a singular finding and it your dwelling place.


I bet that sounds a little preachy. Let me convert it over in to the gospel accoring to the Atheist......



(takes a break, i dont know about you but i got intence there, need to eat, and re-read, meditate)
(and besides the kids are fighting instead of doing homework, makes blogging more difficult BBL)


back to my little tale, maybe ill catch that thought wave alittle later.

Why i am leaving the church, Pastor i am leaving because...... Your people sound like beggers on the outside of a fire, singing, we have full bellys and we are nice an toasty. And we are highly favord of all men yet we know nothing of HIS gift. We stare at the shiney wrappers and crucified bows, and wonder why god hasnt come back for us in 2 thousand years. But we never ask.

We never seek another meaning because we believe that its a sin to wonder, 'maybe there is no santa', and 'maybe we ARE santa.' We blame and lable and think that the narrow path is to not allow some thougth waves to pass our pearly gates...........THESE are the gates that the pharasiees made pretty on the ourside yet where full of deadness.

But your people are sick with a mind numbed deleriem. DO you really think Jesus would


HAVE YOU!

I would not. And if i am "OF the devil" and "all my thoughts are deception" AND I REJECT YOU>......


then imagine.....

WHO it is that is ACCEPTING YOU.

face it folks the SNAKE was telling the truth in Genisis, the SNAKE was god walkign in the garden in the cool of the day. the snake of one ness with god is the brused head.

AH shit i was suposed ot be talkign to the Atheists...... my bad......


screw it i will get to yous later....right now i am adressin my pastor. And in reality by now his mind would be a quivering mass of goo........

What is really sad is that i have not done it yet.

I have not left the church...i suffer every week. But it is pissing me off now.
i dont have the guts to say any of this in real life. Not to my pastor. Not to a beliver. I still think it is somewhat sinnfull to destroy a person. YET...........oh thats so not ZEN. But i am meek and quiet, never speak this stuff. Brain melting BAD.....love and compassion GOOOD

BUT I DONT LOVE THEM! .....no thats not what i mean.

but it feel like this.... i love the idea of them. But i dont KNOW them. And what is worse, they dont want to be KNOWN.

IF god is infinate knowlege and all awareness and is simply enamored with you, why are you even thinking about dogma and appearneces, and fitting in,and fasting, and how to be a christian, and witness and all that SHIT. why aren't you growing in oneness with your creator?.....SIN.......indeed, but you dont even look at your sin. you look at OTHER PEOPLE"S ACTIONS
you look at theology, and what your doing, and shun every thought that seeks to educate you. You never find the seed that was burried in you.................that never yeilded fruit.

The Church does not pay attention to the myistical parables. They don't even understand their nature.

If i ever seen a more satanic ruse it would be the church. Not christ words, mind you, not in particular the teachings of paul ..... but in your practice.

Your christianity is all about your reflection and your vainity, but you never look into the mirror and see yourself.

You have never said, but the Empoorer is naked!

How can you be convinced that an all knowing all consuming fire of truth and revelation could accept you covered in false confomimg and never disovering the gospel according to YOU!

Without ever noticing ....without ever spitting out the fruit of the tree of good and evil?

Some people have steped out. They see and try so many ways to explain to you why.

IN other words, the Queen of SHEBA is standing up in this day and judging this generation ( er that means YOU) because she had traveled many miles just to hear a bit of solomons wisdom, and BEHOLD a greater than solomon is HERE.

And you tell me that Jebus wants me to act like, all SOLOMON had to say Sheba...was .......wave your hands and give the lord a hand clap of praise. Just have faith my dear, all is accoridng to the Plan of god......believe believe, never test it agaisnt reality and you will be saved form your sins.

THAT was WORTH miles of caravaaning across hot desert to hear?

Because thats ALL YOU TEACH! You reveal nothing, you test nothing, you believe nothing. You let yourself think god is happy with you when you Shut up the door to the kindgom of god and swallow the key that neither you nor they can go in and experience god.

You find my kind of talking full of deception, and sensaul wisdom of demons.
You educate yourselves, against this kind of thinking, with arguments, with blocking and shutting down parts of your mind..that mind that is to be TOTALLY given over to GOD in spirit and in truth. You do not even know that YOU LIE against the truth. You have changed the imagige and the glory of the creator into the image made in the likeness and simlitude of man.

HE IS NAME ABOVE ALL NAMES!

You pay very little respect to JESUS. And think very little about the work he came to do.

It is because the knowledge is to high for you? Oh ye of little faith.

You are not even worthy for me to feel shame when you call me pagan.


Tell me dear reader..........how can i hide this disgust ? But i do, i sit there and try to be a positive thing, but this image is getting clearer and clearer, Not because i read those ex tesimonials but because i can now see that i will never be able to comunicate with people in my church. I can never be honest or even express in silence my growth in the Holy Spirit. I know for cirtien now that they would reject Jesus himself if he came back.

My pastor praises himself, and makes faces of mock disapproval when any of the other men make a joking remark about pastor and his preaching skills. But his Skills are NILL i tell ya.

His disapproval is his own vainity. His only message is "lets act more like we are supposed to act.".... "the world is ending lets try and save them" "Get saved now or else" " false doctrine" .....not much else.

He actaully used a verse to make a speech about how it should be ok if he was to look at our internet history. Everyone in the church is like, " pastor this and pastor that, lets ask Pastor, well ill have to run that thought by the pastor" WHO KNOWS THE LORD!

A man preached about noahs flood on sunday night, he brought a fossile in and made a weak case about that fossil could only be made in "some kind" of violent upheavle and much pressure and heat.....evolution is BAD........judgment of god is GOOD.

The woman behind me was all yeah amen, thats right.

But one thing if for sure he was a FAR cry better then Pastor.



They dont even know it. They see me as the decieved.

IZM