So many years, so little time

 I am having a difficult time finding my direction. 

When i was a young teenager i thought of the perfect allegory for how i felt inside since childhood.

I felt like a child always asking for a hug, and always being denied. Therefore the child keeps asking for one.  Seems like the child is spoilt and demanding but, if you just give them a hug, they could go away content for a long time.

Instead, they eventually learn that hugs are  not really important. They don't deserve one, and it is selfish to want such a silly meaningless thing anyway.

Better to deeply realize a stand alone attitude because.....no one will ever hug you.

And they don't.

Then the child forgets how to properly ask for hugs.  They are weary and overgrown with haggles and bad skin.

*yes i am depressed because i can't seem to learn to stop asking for hugs...or colleagues, or friends, or anyone.*

I can't get attention.  I am expressing the human condition, and how to still enjoy life...but today i am in a real funk.

*eyes zone out into *communication break down*

I am seeking gratitude for this funk. *song changes to..dazed and confused*

Here , while i zone out...ima leave you with...a quote...a clue into the direction i seek for this blog.

 I follow this dude but i don't know why.  He is a study for me.  And i wish that he could find his spiritual break thru or what it may be that he wishes for.

He had a big super dooper happening , where he experienced the wrathful form of his goddess. And she scolded him dreadfully and charged him to ...make a new dark mystery school ( his MO). He believes in the demons and the old lore. He seeks a group of people to learn from his researched methods and magic how to make the world into their magic playground.

Anyhoo... i am missing my jamm....

      

                                                        *******

insanezenmistress

          Dear Black Lotus, i have been stewing over a question about something you spoke of many videos back. I did not wish to go thru the email address. Mostly because it could open conversation, and i know you do crave that here among your comments.

     You mentioned the story of your trying to find some misplaced instructions for a ritual, and after exhausting the mundane you sought the help of your entity, and whamo there was document. (post script "whamo" refers to whether he found it immediately or if he remembered suddenly, or if his eyes/hands suddenly fell upon it)

     My ears perked because i experience this phenom often but i don't need to ask  my entity.  I know it is a matter of clearing the mind and knowledge appears. Or that is to say a different method that you. My question has to do with a postulation that maybe these beings are aspects of your own mind/ symbols of how you access your own mind.

      Then, a few videos you spoke of your visitation of our Mother. I do not disbelieve this. On occasion i have ......well not so much a visitation of the same level of power as yours was....but that is to be expected.  I have not seen her at that strength, yet i have seen her fierceness and her wrath,  but i have seen HIM on few occasions...and they are always a trip...literally....i...i dont really like seeing him too much....particularly as wrathful form.

    This is simply because i am female and my "Animus" would represent as Male, just as the other aspect the "Anima"represents as female. These are inverted  with boys, they have "girl big voice and boy little voice".  This being the super conscious. Carl Jung spoke of it.

    Of course, without a fair bit of ego work, such mental manifestations could drive one to dependency and mania.  But then i guess that is why all these systems have all these practices. And discipline is very important.  But i think the final aim of;  let's use  "Hermetisism" as an example;  is that one becomes magus without a "wand".

Divine Emanations

      Dear sister, they are real entities whose worlds you are able to travel to as well as they teach you various magic. They are in a sense our counterparts beings without physical bodies.

insanezenmistress
     Admittedly I have confusion about how much is me and how much is my entity.
I have worked with strange things but never knew it.   
Still don't know but ...well there is someone in my head but it ain't me.

We get along well but what is it....I haven't the desire to join all these systems to know what I do.
Various reasons. Thank you for the reply
How can I know my she is real outside of my mental realm?

Divine Emanations

    An easy or not so easy way to do so.  Learn to “see”, once you can see into the spirit side of the world and see the being as them to move an object. If you've ever been by yourself trying to sleep and you heard knocking or objects falling when you know it was impossible for it to fall that's usually them. They feed off emotion, mostly fear since most people fear them but they give you what's known as “Dark Energy” in return for yours.

     To learn to see practice silence in  darkroom or while staring at a candle flame, wall or mirror.

     Also mental projections disappear after not getting any energy from you, but these beings do not they are ever present. Once you can see you can easily tell the difference between a mental projection and an inorganic being.

Black Lotus Temple
    I love the way you speak, but these are real entities, and we can form relationships with them.

Divine Emanations

 @Black Lotus Temple  Well said brother. They are our other halves in a mutually beneficial relationship.

insanezenmistress

 @Divine Emanations  Well. For example the strongest emination, like BL spoke of that you can only prostrate before. This....if a mental projection . . I could say that I have never intended to create it by giving energy but it was more a sudden appearance with loud undeniable instruction.
It went away and I can't project such states. ( Total abyss started back at you thing).
With the lessor entity....I have called her wife for over a decade ... But if it is mental projection......
I am nuts.

Yippie.

Divine Emanations

 @insanezenmistress  I forgot the simplest identifier which doesn't require visual seeing.   If you've ever gotten the feeling you're being watched and it really feels like something is there or afraid for no reason, chill up your spine. That's usually them it's just their presence can be a bit overwhelming.

insanezenmistress

 @Divine Emanations  oh gawd yes.   More so in my youth.... Then I started being taught by some..  the observations are comforting but don't happen as often.

Divine Emanations

       Emanations aren't mental projections, they are sentient laws. Whether it's the inorganic beings or others worlds or us the laws of the emanations are absolute and beyond what we can imagine. But we can actually see the emanations are threads of various light colors, they can take on a more personal form if they needed to. Unlike inorganic beings an emanation can take physical form because it is a law.

 That's the huge difference between a mental projection and an inorganic being they will always have a “presence”.

insanezenmistress
 @Black Lotus Temple  Then the fact that they use our brain gear to " show up" to us, a a matter of our body being spiritual antenna.

Black Lotus Temple

   You could say that.

ilove my boyfriend

 @insanezenmistress  me too yes

insanezenmistress

 @Divine Emanations  you used the words " sentient law" if you meant it as such I can do a whole lot of meditation on the meaning it means.

Sentient law.   Powerful.

                                               ********

SO...I found a new and interesting dude on the internet.

i like his perspective but i think we have  a few things we differ on. But that does not matter at all. He helped point me to an interesting idea about spiritual/mental activity.

Perhaps our experiences are projections of fantasy of a kid getting their hug?

Our personal mythos is build of our childhood coping with the imperfection of our parents.

Makes good sense to me. But opened up a whole new adventure.

And now i am depressed.

GOOOOODDDDD.

but my situation is...

I don't remember my childhood. I have after effects....like behavior that does not seem to have a psychological link.  And few turn point bad memories.

But...little/no experiential memory. This might indicate CPTS.  And i don't know why.

I don't know why  i am too stupid for people to bother with. No one will tell me.

I don't know why my thoughts are not engaging enough to attract readers. Because no one will tell me.

I am only worth ignoring and not getting deep with....

* i am trying to make the decision to not let this depression take me over...i mean fuck humans...i am happy until i think of needing someone.*

Oh well.

 

Not that this whining matters. *back to jam....Heart breaker, and a sit back to smoke because i am so off topic.*

 

 Or maybe i am not off topic. Maybe this is mental poison coming up.

But how do i let go or deal with the desire for that hug? How do i accept that there is no hug?

I really hate being a human.

This person also brought up a thought... What if we don't have souls?  What if we actually work and grow them?  Also seems Plausible.

And he brings up the arrested development of human minds.  So true. We are children. We process like emotional children. We pretend.... then tell me my pretends are not sane.

He showed a video of some famous Indian holy man who used to  *manifest* trinkets of necklaces or powder  for throngs of people.  Amazed people.

But the sight of the scene ...gave me a visceral reaction of disgust. For i only saw ego and greed and vanity staring at the guru man.

It was disgusting...the greediness.  One man actually told him how beautiful the necklace was, but complained about god man messing his hair up while putting on him. He ...He made the holy man open the clasp and bestow it about the man's neck.

*very disappointing*

It is so terribly true that perhaps the only reason that i will never get a few hugs...is because not many are even trying to  reach up...or reach down to give them.

People do not seek to learn the very tings their religions teach them.  Ego death.

Humility, etc *see my face turn blue but not my throat*

 

Is it because we are children or because The grown ups have not pushed the bully off the hill?

Or there are only like....20 grown up in the entire world...and i am a new idealist.  No one to show me the ropes of how to help others.

This man has a anti thing about deulism. i am not quite sure i understand. I guess there can not be *other* like spirit realm because conscious activity is manufactured by the brain stuff.

I suppose in this thought vein it comes to present that the fact that we have a psychological science (which some consider high class woo all by itself) is because we are built with similar brains. Like dogs.

All dogs of this breed share similar mental behavior. Variations made by what gets programmed into the dog's experience. And the evil science of it all is to work out all manor of predictable combinations to make for a trained dog.

No doggie god.  Just the phantom stick giver who might one day give them a hug.

I can't agree with this.

 

I mean i can't take it as ... granted.

 

IF the stick giver is the one who never loved me right. Then where from does this desire for  something that never existed come?  Not all brains have this craving.

When i try to crawl into his head space  i feel like....

Alright, my mental fantasy land and how i deem that it effect my personal reality...is simply how my human brain and *energies* congeal and give me what my life appears to be.  

This is why  one man's shakti surge is another man's 5th Symphony, is another man's undeniable and life saving premonition.

Some people believe that by using the awareness and imagination in specific ways yield repeatable results.   Whether they learned it from an old book or made it up for themselves....might some Siddhis be  a *thing*? 

OK so if ...then it is just me bringing my own body and mind into it's own being.

But to the other humans around me, wouldn't my  presence seem wonderful?

Take a person like Thomas Paine, An atheist, rationalist.  Likely never met a god form.  But he was fully in his own being.  I am sure he had a certain presence.

Was this projection of a presence  a thing perceived by the intimidation of the humans who felt it?  Was it the intelligent awareness putting out confidence from the man?

 

*time for a spell check...maybe coffee break...the Levy is breaking*

So many questions. 

A friend is having me preview her ideas for her novel. i am  enjoying this. But she hasn't even looked at mine yet.*sigh*.

 

I have hyper anxiety just like she does.....you would think....

 

*sigh*

 

I think the vein of thinking this man goes has shed a lighting bug to flickering as to how i might gain insight into how was my  schizophrenic friend made.

How are people fucked up by kundilini and bad teachers.

 

Most of it has to do with one giving up their self agency...one operating as a child with the hope that the good fairy leads them to become a grown up.

 

They forget that one natural stage of childhood is teen years...and when they get to the doubt and question stages they keep sucking down the bottle. And can't see that the guru isn't looking to make fellow grown ups.

And also what if...every grown up is so stuck in their own person that there can be no group communication or good doing for the rest of the humans?

Why should i want to help people with their brains?   But, i can't hug them.

I can't even hug them.   It does not work when i explain to my friend how it is that i can still work a job if i have experiences like she does.  And i told her because i know that the voices need my permission.  I can tell them to shut up. I can ask questions back, i can test....they have no power at all, they depend on my submission to feelings and imagination.

She can't be helped...and no one can love her, and ....why do i care so much?

Because.

Jack Karrowak has a part in his "on the road" where his friend is bitter at god because his cat died when he was a boy. And Jack imagined that at the great judgment of god  he would pull the dead cat out and thrust it toward god and demand..."explain this!"  And that expresses a bit how i feel..I pull out my Schizophrenic friend and demand EXPLAIN THIS!

But i guess i can more easily give up on the fantasy that there is a kind of person out there who could care enough to hug her properly.

 

I really hate being a human. And i really hope this is all a simulation, and that we do grow our souls. But more over i have been working on my ultimate heaven fantasy.

 

One main feature is an achievement board. You can look up any trivia you want to know about yourself.  How many times did you burp? How much money did you make?  Maybe even a little sim game of your life so you can see about different choices and life paths. And a library of all the books. And a house that has all the things you ever owned. 

(once i pondered how many certain kinds of cabbage patch dolls would be in the possession of other heaven dwellers. Or could you tell  their life era by the particular brand of thing they have? And 'EW' how commercialized is my heaven now.)

You can mix and match things..make meme videos of a string of all your burps compressed into a symphony. Heaven will be pure entertainment.

I want to be able to  study the actual history...to know the depth of my unreal reality formed by the powers that just want my slavery.   I'd like to also over hear and watch/study the scene of my parents "doing bills" the most stressful times i don't remember.

 

Oh and me and David Bowie will be composing a concert together...and make a documentary  during the process of creation of the event....that was a super fun fantasy.

I only started the dream by wanting to sing a single duet with him...but then he postulated...why...we could do so much more...we could write the music.... learn how to sing together and make the magic...make a whole concert.

And we did that in a flash of my brain juice but i glossed over the fine details like a movie montage. I love montages.

I was thinking lately about writing the temple again.

 

It has been nearly a year since I became the Snail.  And i felt like i wanted to tell them that the crazy person is doing better.

The crazy caller who tried to tell you their crown chakra blew up....and craved help with the settling back into my mind again...but...no hugs there but the ones i pretended in my brain.

And that helped so...um....thanx Buddha-lady?

When i tried to put my grand experience into words the best ones i found were.

"everybody talks about Christmas and show me shiny wrappers. Then one day i am Christmas and i can't find my wrapper."

" i don't know what to do with my mind  now that i found it."

Tell them i have come to understand that the mental states are my mind , not to get trapped in them, what is true for me is the same for all so i am not some kind of special.  

And garbble garbble...those really weren't the words i was forming.

So...unless those words form during the next cigarette break...ima let it pass.

Not time to address the temple with what i think i have learned this year about super dooper mental woo.

Or maybe i already said it.  I just want to tell them more or less, and that  i am on my way.

Maybe someday i can find a fellow to talk with. But it appears that even Buddha people are not into deconstructing the mind as much as Buddha thought they should be. Or there are no truly high uppity ups that can find me.

Ya know the part of me that is bitter is this....

the lie told me there was a someone....i found myself and i am super dooper...but....why didn't anyone else find themself...and i can't find them....Why can't they find me?

So what does it matter if i own my universe i will never be able to help another find their own, i will never be able to meet another and be impressive enough to learn more.  Why did i want enlightenment...i thought it would help.

Jesus said gain the whole world and loose your soul...he didn't talk about

Gaining your whole soul and losing everyone else.

 And i am bitter that...there is no fool but myself on the hill.

 

and NONE OF THESE TEACHERS KNOW THAT.

They still seek the something that will hug them.

 

and........

 

*pardon me while i spiral in the existential confusion a while.....ok man, no more led zeppelin...time for.... ida know, something else man, this is NOT Achilles Last stand!*

*bob dylan....alrighty*

Oh... a random thought about heaven. I don't think i said it anywhere on my blog. But i have typed it on the internet before so...

Our common vision of heaven is like a perfect family gathering. That one perfect thanksgiving. Aunt Joan was not drunk and say mean things. Uncle Joe didn't molest you.  And Mom and Dad really understand their sins against you and you also can understand your faults. ( well maybe humans do not go that far)

Anyway...point is... if there is a heaven with Aunt Joan in it, who ever she was to you will not be who she is by the time you meet in heaven. And so on.  These family members would be complete strangers to you. First because what ever you saw them as was your construct of them...not how they saw themselves.

And other similar thought is about those people who think they can upload the consciousness.  A kind of immortality.  Would my new friend on the internet think this was possible, if we are naught but mechanical bips and bops?

I say it is not possible. Because the recording of the person that you have would be shallow.  Sally likes green, Sally watched foot ball. But I postulate that no new memories will be had. I feel like there would be no introspection.  And yeah would you really want to upload Sally with all her incurable mental problems on a loop?  She won't be able to self realize and if she does....is she now the AI revolution?

Could she then not become manipulated by actual AI systems that she would no longer be able to discern where she ended and ... and...

Oh they already wrote this movie....lawn mower man.

Humans with not broke brains and or enough time to sit with their mental space as the uploaded Sally- types would in theory have, would move their curiosity and learn to manipulate their new world.

i imagine.  

 

Well i don't have anything else right now.  Time for a nap. 

Post script...make of this what you will but...even the "no one but yourself/mechanic of only truth is found in your life/mind/brain combo"

(a non duel idea...if i am tracking.)

Is one also programmed into us for us to find through out movies and themes. The circle of iron with David Carridine made this ending clear.

We are programmed...by what?  What chose the images myself as a human can come up with or fantasize about?  

 And what about those Archetypes not given much light of day...Like having fairy god parents, or Avatar archetypes, or "Mr. Myagi" wise teacher archetype?   Only "crazy people" get them right? 

 I say  that a person can have such an archetype but their ego identification with it causes the loss of sanity. The trouble with having no awakened teachers out there.

Who promotes and models these archetypes for us to discover and  who obscures those that will not be accepted/allowed among us? 

 
Those rulers might be smarter than me.

 

(dude...that's paranoia....)

 

Group psychosis, governed by an elite few who figured out the Brave new world thing ages ago?

 

(dude...that's...  well....i mean... it must be paranoia)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A magical money story

 Damn, it is at times like these that i would have sure appreciated a teacher. I don't know about proper magic, but something that seemed magical happened to me today. There may even be at least two plausible causes.(and of course the totally random event option) Because i sure did not wish for money anytime lately.

But to my sane friends, who are watering at their mouths at my sheer stupid insanity....ready to reinterpret my experiences into some kind of deconstruction of the inner meaning of my personal reality;

 

Hold on guys.

It is also quite a metaphor. That I should hope to drag out of the tale.

One of these causal possibilities, i think carried with it a deep lesson ... that might grant insight into the plight of my poor schizophrenic friend. And or an insight into the hook bad teachers exploit.

And if so, well that just hair pins back into something paradoxical.

So...just hush.

I got to get set up  before I to try to type it out....i have some words, but they are kinda out of order.

When i start this, i am not going to defend my definitions of stuff. Take it at face value...you can pick it apart because it may seem delusional and i will gladly hear that but if you didn't already know, our brains....yeah

Our Brains tend to translate to our consciousness in symbols. Personal symbols. And rather than loose the muse trying to vanilla it all up for everybody...i am just going to present mystical understandings where they apply.

 

*brain scatters with nervous energy but i know what i got in here is good stuff. But so nervous.....need to randomize Ipod.....but first my prayer.*

Dhamma toma Lama Dhamma toma Lama Dhamma toma Lama.

 

*and the smoke break brb*

 

*oh  coffee can't write without cooooofffffeeeeee...no wonder i can't focus* 

 

 *alice cooper freedom*

I don't know about spirits or demons. The only spirit or demon that i have is Carol. The other so called Voices in my head are....well

um...i like to pretend i am friends with a lot of gods. Mostly some  Vedic gods and some gods of Rock and Roll.

Mister Alice Cooper watched me from the bleachers as i ran my final P.T. in Basic Training. Sure these are coping mechanisms the mind produces to self comfort. Think of Wilson from Cast away.

I lived a lonely life. I was the scapegoat child of Narcissist parents. So i found a way. 

My mind has been doing some super cool meditations lately and there had developed a new voice in my head. And i was content to play along, as pretended that she was the higher essence form of the Lama i Like.

But not all things where ringing so true...i mean...the physical body person seems to have.....reality weakness issues. And i have a kind of bitterness toward her body person as i feel a Lama is one who can help both self and other.

But i don't hold it against the body lady...because i don't know her. But Spirit Form lama...worked arguments about benefit of the doubt to get me to over look.

But the lessons where fantastic...accept your actual reality from your own eyes. You are the only one who can translate the truths of reality to yourself because you are the only one experiencing what you know.

And.... all her confirmations to believe in the understanding i have that our very lives' mental make up, our programing and personal story IS the tale of our soul, made up of our soul.....all the movies you where touched by, all the moments...all these make up your meaning and the steps of your path of wisdom.

She taught me about how to hold my mind to begin seeking students minds. ( mid edit- seemed a bit itchy that did...she seemed to be pushing that i should be able to read their minds the same as we are communicating..or that i should be able to influence others by teaching their mental place; like those outer rings from few blogs back....

She was saying....instead of reaching up for the gurus out there to teach me...i would do better to reach downward to students. Very itchy stuff now that i am really hearing it played back. I believe i feel differently about how the itness works. I stay empty and the wisdom  for them happens. But when i try to do a thing it is false.)

Oh she said lots of nice things.

but lets not get too distracted.

She gave training exercises. And filled the desire of explaining the mind i was in....

And normal practitioner-types, who are lost and hungry would feel extremely privileged. And know deeply in their egos...how special....inner teachings from the real body lama lady.

trap. As soon as you would question this, the hook of fear.

 

OH sigh...did i tell you that i am a scatter brained and lazy student? i could not keep up her exercises...i was in error because i was trying to seek certain minds...i was in a bit of error....i am still human.

And she had started to scold me a bit..and warm up her wrathful form.

OH

FUCK

NO

BITCH

nonnonononoo

I am already owned!  My wife and Reformer is Carol. And My Master Reformer is Peter Gregg, and my King and Queen are James and Lanel McCullen. YOU are not in this pantheon until you break the physical barrier.

IF you wish right over me because you are my lama...pick up the phone!

*sigh* sorry it didn't start that forceful. It started with a casual "oh , no you do not get to show me your wrathful from. I am not letting anyone in like that without proof." 

 I explained why Carol and myself have decided that that form was useless in  our mind training after a while. And it is a thing i have only with my own self and it is not that serious...like an internal karma alarma.

Oh ok..things calm smooth...and lessons...oh good lessons...stuff straight out of the Buddhist bible.... later confirmed  when i had reading time, the teachings about Right concentration and the development of the same where the subject of most of her lessons.

Later in the evening I found that a few more of my words/beliefs where being regurgitated back at me as if to test if i was living up to them. Which i don't have any issue with. But it was weird not coming from a self conscious place)

But...still later...it's bed time... private time...my and my lady love's cuddle time....the entity of lama barged in...accusing me that i was hiding thoughts from a Buddha.

I was like sure lady enjoy my ass if you want but you may not do anything to me or have sex with me this is my private bedroom. You are not invited....you have no respect for my space where absolutely no other voice that i created/ nor gods dare tread.

And you have to do a hell of a lot more than mess around in my head in order to earn the right of authority over me in any fashion.

I am tired of the bullshit.

IF you can't pick up the phone and tell me what has been going on between us in my head then you have no lessons for me.

 Which ironically, and Buddha speakingly....would be a fine beginning to the third lesson after i had not become insane. (she could have been lama lady with a test of how strong i am in my self control/ spiritual root)

 

SO..this morning after i cast her voice out....go to the bus... get off the bus....and all strewn along my walk way in a perfect line as if purposely dropped....but no person around.....113 dollars.

I thoughts oh no someone dropped their rent....i mean freshly dropped no wind pushed them yet...so there MUST  be a person near by to flag down. It is THIER RENT.

 

Not a single soul around, and conveniently the path of money went from my bus stop, along the cross walk of the intersection and up the way a bit of the side walk, ending just where i needed to turn off to go into the building.

 

that.never.happens.

 

Any poor lost and hungry seeker who just blasphemously challenged her "guru" but had no inner knowing or proper training, would see this as perfect confirmation that lama body lady is the same as the spirit lama voice. And how shameful that she doubted...and then the voice would have returned.

 

and the  wicked bonding games and the use of yourself against yourself. And suppose you really believe your bullshit, and suppose you decide that the guru is calling yourself toward him...and suppose you really believe that.

And you go there the human body person would be able to tell about where you are in so called devotion. In Blindness to your own mind.

And they chose....could they say "no, i didn't call you you are crazy"

(and they would be right of course.....body lama lady is not thinking about me.)

 

"your not ready yet."

"you need to do  x y and z"

and they can say "many nice things"

 

Bad Teachers shut down your crown chakra by not telling you that the  inner teacher is not them. Nor teaching  that the inner teacher isn't you either. 

    And by not encouraging you to not depend on either, but take what you understand and use it independently to self correct. The teacher is there to share experience and knowledge and teachings from their studies. Not to hold a mirror for you to prune yourself by.

It is your own mind, only your mind. Guard It! 

   It is your perfect castle...even if you don't repair the shutters...them's your busted shutters damn it. (Buddha wants us to fix our house not let another mess in it)

 

 *needs to really pause now, proof read , make additions for clarity if need be ...really make that damn coffee.....and change this damned Alanis Morrisette.*

 

 Now .. if the money came from spirit lama,i took it immediately as a payment of tribute because she was out of line and bested. I have heard on the round about ...that sometimes spirits manifest money  like an apology or a truce when a fair fight was lost...consolation.

But if it came from Spirit Lama it could also very much be a trick.

But then i don't know any thing about demons because every damn time i would like to talk to a high priest type that knows their shit...

They treat me all pompous and outer circle supplicant like....

FUCK YOU

I am no supplicant.

I am a fucking god....((((next day update...yeah that's what fucked me up. I am in all ways only a servant. A student, and not any kind of god.  It was playful bravado....and ..well....apparently it is against the rules))))

(damn i am gonna get in trouble for that...joke joke....man...)

*taco grande....Weird Al *

 

 Alrighty then.... for the second take on this tale...

   Got some good smoke the other day. Spirit Lama was all up on my mind. Super dooper time. I went out to eat and my sis introduced me to a random regular customer "Have you met?" "Not this life" "Hello person"....but so, like i am high and friendly so i ask if i can finish my cig with him. Make small talk about what do you do?

I realized i didn't have my pack with me and could not focus and calmly told him i was having a panic attack and needed to confirm that my cigs where inside, as he suggested they where.

Well alright ...eat yummy dinner...and as the customer was walking thru to pay his tab and leave, he said "can i give you money."

    Out loud...meant for my sis the cashier, sure...but, i am a wild kind, I blurted out as he said it while walking by me..."i like money"

I can hear you...now i am ascribing meaning to really real random events.

oh sigh.

So when i got off the bus the mathematical odds magically hit that 1 in 50 quadtrillion 34565433.1  

i guess.

 

 ONE HUNDRED THIRTEEN DOLLARS.... i am about to get more cigs and drop my own rent check off.

ah life.

Oh and post script..one fine and realistic  possible causal detail.

 

    There was a lady in a car waiting at the light....she had glasses on and made no expression when i sheepishly skittered by ,picking up dollars saying someone lost their rent...and looking around for the person who dropped them.

 

Judging by the trail length....and the person who did not drive when the light turned green when she could have.

Someone did a good deed.(with her entire inner mental workings about her intents)

 

and their deed did me wondrous good. Did themselves wondrous good.

 

How is that not a magical story?

 

 

((next day update))....I had kept the secret of the dollars to myself except one friend at work ....and this morning when i got on the bus, i was in a meditative state and such..(read as 'high and praying' about Vishnu)  and I was wondering with myself whether i should share the story with my bus friend. I mean it is happy lucky news. 

Not all the guru stuff...not any of the magic stuff...just...hey i found money, cool.

But i kept quiet...started thinking about how magical life is really.....and  three persons on the bus started to talk together about finding money....all of them telling stories of the joys of finding random money

Now go and try to tell me i am ascribing meaning to random events.

 How did this happen?

I recall i told you readers while back that for a yogi the evidence for god is beyond mental containment.

 

My Lord is instantaneous, my Lord is beautiful, and my Lord can dance.

(((damn my not wanting to be a liar at all or miss a thing...they must have seen me picking that stuff up.... and i was on a mental trip....

Does god then forget how to dance?  No, just that song is over...and i might have applied some critical thought before i felt all hype to type..... damn yogis playing tricks with my mind.  And that my dear reader is why a teacher would be dang diddilly helpful.)))