Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Trying on my Tin Foil hat

Conspiracy Theories.

The very words invoke a ridicule and images of kooks. Have you ever wondered how stereotypes get invented? Yes it is All a plot.

Now, i realise that these theories are made to appear incredulous because their paranoia's are mixed in with a little personal interpretation, and god pointing. I mean all religions with a holy book that tells a story of the end of days will link up dubious facts and questions with the logic of their spiritual world view. Naturally.

But some questions bear more than the raised eyebrow of sanity suspicion. Such as Why do World leaders often flash the horns symbol? Do they like Metallica? Are they punk rockers or pot heads? Oh it IS are part of the Bohemian group? Ok.

SO hum, why is it that lots of cartoons have sexual sublimation? It is because some guy thought it would be funny? Oh ha ha you where watching a cock. heh eh ehehee he said cock. Please.

Is it because the public demands it. We asked for all our TV shows to be about murder, crime, breaking out of prison, and infidelity? We just got bored with heart warming tales of people doing right and making a better world? We got tired of the dull drum of peaceful solutions and spiritual unity and the magic of nature?

What about these pyramids all over the world and obelisks? Is it because we just think Egyptians where cool?

i kinda have to believe in the theory that architecture channels energy. And that there is a tight network of individuals snailing their way to world domination.

Of course i don't believe they intend to preform it as the theories and "proofs" THEY LEAKED OUT, may suggest. Come on that would be too easy.

How better to make themselves and the belief in them disappear than to simply change the plan?
But some things wont change.

I am reminded that there is so much twisting of truths, and maraging of facts, and distractions from things noble in this world. We are dominated by it. No matter who the group is, or the mangled combination of well meaning others. The fact is ........ perhaps we are the conspiracy?

Locked in it and deceived by it. I can believe that *it* wants to divert us from spiritual pursuits. It wants for us to fight over rules and theologies thousands of year corrupt and interloped with selfish desire. I can believe the Bible when it tells me that our enemies are not flesh and blood, and that our warfare is not of this world.

Our Revolution is NOT one of violence. Our power is not of fear. What our weapons are, any evil certainly does not want around itself.

But sadly that evil is capable of convincing us that these weapons are useless, out dated, uncool, namby pamby, and certainly not of any physical value.

BUT then they are not physical...... hummm

What if a few of us work to free our minds, find and refine our ability to have compassionate awareness of others. What if we honed love, and blessing and just when that notion swells up inside us......we sent it outward....we became a conduit and spread all our good feelings out and our spiritual wishes out... like a ripple to others.

What if when we pray, and when we think we have touched our father, that we begged him to be holy, wise, and to love us.........and that the highest wordily pleasure we should ever crave would be plenty for all, love peace...............

AW CRAP!.............it did not work in the 60's it sure as hell wont work now.

why is this?

where are the good guys?

Have you ever considered that all we have ever known is evil and corruption?

IF not for my will, you have no power over me.
You may take only what you can have, but my will is not given.
If you cut out my brain, i have still won, as my consent was never yours.
Perhaps that is enough for you. to have and to take.
But how will you deal when he that lets , has from you?

now i lay me down from wake,
i pray the lord my soul to take,
should i make it thru the night,
lord have mercy in our plight.

Ask she who smiles precariously aware
meaning, intent, her eyes barely there
and with her meaningful intent
she cryies until her soul is spent.
and never to be
before she seems
comes and goes
her whispering dreams.

psssst............shhhh the TV is watching you.........

Friday, September 12, 2008

Spiritaul Mediums

Have you ever met a person with spiritaul giudes?

Some of these people are super flakey. Some seem to be too dependant on their guides for information.

I am gonna try and delve in to what i believe the mental mechanics are for this phenomona of channeling and having a spirit guide. What i see in others, some critiques ect.

But first i kinda want to do some bitching.....(no kidding) some ego centered childish gripeing about the way some people with spirit guides behave.

See, ill make a confession, i have a spirit guide. I got two of them. They got names and everything. But they are super strict.

Or maybe the right word is narrow. I mean they can be concidered quite liberal, yet there really is only one way to do a thing.

But they dont let me dress all flackey and act spooky, i dont have to carry a tarot bag to ward of the hebee jeebees. MY GUIDES......dont even let me tell anyone all the groovy shit they teach me.

I know they got their reasons. Most of which have to do with my guides ultimate desire that i be a free independant being.

Nothing mystical about that.........i am simply trying to learn how to live and to find what is true and real. My guides long ago stopped letting me channel or be possessed by them. They stoped all their chatter about dementions and worlds and other fantacies. Because i started asking questions back, and wanted to learn to understand for myself.

But they wont let me flagrantly babble that stuff. Because it all sounds like psycho babble.

It really is just psycho babble. My guides try to keep things real, and find something worth believing in.

But these other kinds of mystical channelers...........its all so kindergarten. remedial....WHAT are these people doing with *followers*....

This one girl....

She doesnt know anything on her own. She does not seem to be discovering anything. It is always some other guide speaking information thru her. Information not addressed to her or about her. But information broad and monotonious.

Now i have read some bits about her that say she and her followers scocialize in the evenings as a group and periodically one of her Guides will pop by for a visit.

*chuckles to self*

I remember doing that. Once when i was meeting new pagens i asked that Lanel go and meet them thru me. She did it. She got her self locked in for a while.

I do realise that my terms may need defineing. Locked in is what i used to call when the spirit pops by for a visit and cant leave untill the energy disipates. Sometimes a spirit can indeed pop by for just a moment, but other times perhaps when it antisipates having to stay a while it uses too much energy to pop by and cant leave untill that energy is used.

(yeah that was psycho babble.... i havent started to deal with the psychology yet so be paitient)

Any way Lanel did not like being stuck. And that was the last time she would be channeled by me. She told me that i had to learn to do the task of psychically screening people on my own.

With James it was always different. He would not pop in but would hover near, external energy he was able to come and go. I dont recall ever hearing him say he was stuck. But he normally only gave instructions while i learned.

Once, well this story is long.... ( arent they all) and it was the last time James assisted me with something.

I had just fallen in love with my husband. And i wanted to * do a spell* on some dolls so that we could each have one and it would make us feel together while we where apart, when we looked at the doll.

So i asked Lanel to give me the how to with the spell. And she explained how to do it, telling me esp not to break the circle of his and my legs during the spell.

(erm.. we where to sit infront of each other either cross legged or with out legs lapps over the others with the dolls and stuff in the circle.)

SO anyway He and I were planning on trying it out that weekend. He was aimeable to the whole freaky spiritaul girl friend thing i guess.

The evening was over shadowed with storm clouds... my psychic juices where charged up. We did most of the spell but...we got up before it was done. I forget what we got up for.......

Somewhere around that moment i felt as if i was being called out side. The feeling said "walk" and i could feel the direction pulling at me. But it was raining, i had only a slip on, and what about the spell ...all these excuses, so i did not walk. When i closed the door........i was *attacked*

There were like five dead guys outside my window, I called out to James.

He was not happy because he was opposed to me doing magic at that time. And pretty much told me i had to block them out myself. It was a struggle but...opps i forgot what he said.....he said that he didnt have the power to fight them, he was a lessor level than Lanel and Lanel had expended all her energy when she gave me the instructions for the spell. Which i had prefromed incorrectly, so he told me how to send them back and how to shut down my mind form letting them in....and i had to cover the dolls with black cloth and make all that spell energy go away too.

The next morning, i did go awalkin. Here's is what i found. That weekend had been memorial day. And someone trashed the graveyard across the main road that was near our motel. This was straight ahead the direction i had been called toward.

There was a fresh grave of a vetrin and several other vets with their flags toppled, and beer glass everywhere. Perhaps i had not been attacked but the angry spirits here felt the psychic energy and came and sought help.

What ever. My husband and I cleaned up the grave yard for the Men.

I only have a small handfull of theses stories. Though i spent years and do spend years more with these entities, the excitement is kept to a bare minimum.

Maybe i grew out of the need for the drama. Maybe my guides got old with me. Which stands to reason, cicidering that my *guides* are merely expernalised amalgamations of my finer personal qualities.

After a while i did not want the *old relationship*.

But some of these medium people havent a single thought about who THEY are. Or for that matter who is the person that stares up adoringly at them, hanging on to their every word...and learning nothing.

What good is this channeler and mystic if something is not rubbing off .......if you are not growing in liberation and discovery? If you have people just absorbing your crap and not learning independantly, then how would you know wether or not what you are teaching is bullshit? How could you know if it bears up under the scruteny of who would learn it from you? I am interested in truth and workable hypothosi, isnt everyone concerned with that?

Her teachings would be worthless if she is not. Well the perticular person i am useing as my straw man does not even teach anything. She just verbally meanders thru dictated information and answers no questions. But i guess that isjust what it is like when she is *doing an interveiw*

My guides are not interested in having their oppionions made public truth. Besides most anything they have said to me have been contructs that i myself have picked up along the way of my spiritaul seeking and therefore not new or original anyway.

Just like her shit.

I am hardly even able to do anything with as much vigour for a camera or an audence that i can to all by myself. Holy SHIT.... i am ever so thankfull to god almighty that i can even write. Here , is my medium for self expression and being myself and that well.

Oh man.i can dance....i know i can.....i raise up so much energy and vibration when i move...........but dang nab it.........i just cant do it when somebody is looking. Of course this could merely be a case of *singing in the shower syndrome*, and the truth may very well be that i just SUCK at anything i would want to show myself off doing. But these freaky mediums, why they can flop all over the place for you. But my fucking guides wait untill they have me in private for the good shit.

And it took years for me to learn how to *channel* this into writeing. Long hours of training just to get to hear these thoughts slow enough to even put letters on them.

I am grateful.... even if i seem the fool sometimes.

And even here, i dont get to *write magic* every time.

(reconciders, is it this place or the other one I like better.....doesnt matter just happy.....sometimes critical thought just ruins the magic)

oh ... the psychology i precieve that goes on when ...........no....not ready for that.

ok... what is her delusion?


What is with this kid? Does she belive these are interdementional beings? ALL of the dead of all time just itching to visit you? They ALL got something super important to say?

Girl that is WAY too busy. Too many teachers not enough student left to learn.

How come when you are *cognisent* of being yourself, you are such a meak and weak person? Do you always need a Guide to do your pontificateing? How come your guides dont teach you what to teach others, and well.........there are jsut so many questions.............many of them spiritaully redundant.

It is just i cant accept you. You are not an athority, you are not passing anyhting on that will strengthen your followers.

You merely have their worship.

Me and my guides want more.

Shit child if i was to tell you how many wyas you are fucking up, it would back fire and you would learn to become even more diabolical, and less yourself..........even less of your being actualy enjoying the life of your self-honesty.

And more the ego created by the thrall of having these beings share your space.
and the ego of self importance that coems with having the mindless cater to everything you say.

Like EW.

look sometimes you have to shut down. sometimes you have to shut up all instruction. I sure hope she does.

Maybe she does this medium stuff for attention. I was young once.. it was fun. But it had to stop before it controled me.

well thats it for now.

izm (ps yeah i know i jsut didnt have the time to try to psychoannalise this...maybe let's leave that up to the commented conversations.....my questions center on what is the brain doing.......is there cognitive dissonence involved, how much is out and out lieing, and how common are the experiences of those people who claim spirit guides, Is there a meglo mania aspect...is it the person's or the spirit's (that being the part of the person that they have to become in order to express because of their own self esteem issues)............sheesh lots of ideas for the topicing.....

*chirp chirp*

Monday, September 8, 2008

Depression, doin' it zen-style

Let's talk about depression.

What i present will be according to the mechanics of my own mentality. it works for me. You may try to adopt any variation of the same, suited to your very own mental mechanics.

I used to be depressed. I am seldom suicidal anymore.That does not mean that i am free from emotional cycles or that I never have a self hating thought. But that i can recognise the words of thought, and realise they are false.

I can teach myself how to notice and understand the meaning and root and ridiculousness of these thoughts. I can also feel my emotions without the emotions attached to this thought pattern.

I am not these thoughts. I may separate myself from them, and control them.

Realise these thoughts. Watch them, how they mount in revolution. each darker and more hurtful. And the seduction of the desire to believe and act on these thoughts. How they beckon for action, for destruction.


This spiral of thought has no power over me.

Even if i chose to believe it.
I am not that. I observe that. I react or respond to that.

These particular thoughts can only aggravate and distract.

What would they be distracting me from?

For me, the enjoyment of a peaceful moment, the time needed to give attention to my mundane life, the need of the work that lies waiting, and the simple enjoyment of life as it comes and the use of coping mechanisms when life is less than enjoyable, are the main objects from which these useless negative thoughts distract me.


How do you chose your thoughts. And can you find happiness and enjoyment in the tiny moments you can liberate from negative reaction?

And now for a few side barre and likely not related thoughts from people who died a long long time ago........

From the TAO poem 72

When people are not awed by authority,
then great authority is attained.

Their homes are not small to them,
their livelihood not tiresome.

Therefore sages know themselves
but to not see themselves.

They take care of themselves
but do not exalt themselves.

So, they take one
and leave the other.

And "The Quest" a statement from Ying-an from some little Zen Book

The Quest of *real followers* of the path is just to oppose birth and death; they do not look for it in the sayings found in various sources in ancient and modern books. They just step back into themselves and bring it to mind, coolly yet keenly at the very root and stem.

Suddenly their hands slip, they lose their footing, and they are lost: this is graduation from the study of a lifetime.

Perceiving independently, like a solitary lamp, for the first time they are manifestly empowered.

They are like mountains: How could the fears of life and death shake them any more?

And again from TAO 70

My sayings are very easy to recognise,
and very easy to apply.

But no one in the world can recognise them,
and no one can apply them.

Sayings have a source,
events have a leader.

It is through ignorance
that i am not known.

Those who know me are rare;
those who emulate me are noble.

This is why sages dress plainly,
and conceal that is precious.

and From Jesus....

I speak unto the public in parables, that seeing they see not, but unto you it is given to know the mysteries of god.


You people spend your time listening to your brain babble at you about how stupid and worthless you are and how everything is your fault..oh my gawd you are the most sorry excuse for a human being i have ever seen.............

sheesh............you really need to work on a new mental hobby dude.

your guru signing out.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Me, bitching about missionaries and shit


"Bad Manna" part one, please do follow up with parts 2 and 3. It will take about 30 min of your time, but in my opinion should be a wake up call to both Christians and human rights activists.

I have found a new subject that i am passionate about, that is the behaviour of "Christians" when they are in the mission field.

There is another site.... http://www.christianaggression.org/tactics.php

Which deals with the "Evangelical agenda" in Asia and beyond, which is to destroy cultures for Jesus and to bring on the second coming.

I had never known why, but even as a child i never supported missionaries. It was as if my gut did not trust or believe in their work. And recently my gut reactions have been justified with knowledge.

The government of India is working to pass Anti-conversion Laws, because the missionaries use bribery, and force, and tare up families to get converts. They promise miracles and they build schools and hospitals that they make the people pay for in conversions and hatred of their neighbors , in the name of Christ. I think the videos speak for themselves better than i can.

*Taking about 4:20 minutes to compose my thoughts, while you watch the video and peruse the site*

Coming Into *real* time, my time, IZM time.

*promises myself that i will edit later...really i will. *

I, of course, have not just gotten back *here* from watching my posted videos. Personally i have come back from joking with my daughter, and thinking a millions thoughts about what i would like to talk about tonight.....and having some MAJOR difficulty with figuring out what to call this piece.

Even now i am dissatisfied with the title. It is not poetic ...( if it is then assume i achieved bliss).....and neither is the dark stream of human disgust i feel for the actions of humanity. And this time , in particular the humanity within Christianity.

But also in my rambling mind ( hey doc ,is this "racing thoughts", do i get a check mark in that box? label me a 8.) There is also the *reality* of my children still wake, that means meaningful necessary distractions that can sometimes be very hard to labor against. And the thoughts arguing that they are the ones most important to be what i want to mention. And the other thoughts. but we don't talk about them *mwwwaahhhhh*

I really need to meditate and come back to you.......

* goes to fucking editing until my mind gets straight again.*

*woohoo i figured out how to work spell check.....(hey doc, am i fucking autistic?)

First, do any of my readers know that argument against the Bible that goes, If GOD wrote it, shouldn't it have had correct science, and information compatible with current knowledge?

I agree, shouldn't the word of god include wisdom that keeps on giving.....and knowledge that yields knowledge? Should it Not ?....

Well my atheist friends i have found it........the word of god...........well maybe parts of it.

Wouldn't you know it, god has written a holy book. At least parts of a holy book. I mean there is allot of myth....but the parts he wrote have knowledge in them yet to be debunked...i suggest you go seek it out.

We're talking electricity in 300 bce. Iron working about then too. Mathematics that we depend on today. Astronomy that agrees with modern understanding. These Holy books have it.

They are called the Vedas. But well, I have to admit, when I picked one up to actually read it, it looked like a bunch of hymns and long winded praises and names of god. Ill have to research this slowly.

But I have seen documentaries. and um i do study yoga......

Look around you tube. Fascinating stuff. and i got to wondering......

SO maybe the Bible's god did not answer to those parameters, but apparently the Hindu Brahman did. Do you consent to conversion? Or is there really another issue you have with the entity hitherto known as God?

Of course, you may fairly argue that the men who wrote the words created the knowledge.

I would say they merely discovered it. Should we lose all our information, and forget all that we knew, our minds, after such a reboot would start by studying his environment. As we did, we would again study the movement of stars, learn about growing food, discover counting and so forth and so on. The people post Apocalypse will someday possess the same knowledge we have now. Though it may take a different evaluational approach.

This is discovery of that which already is, and not new knowledge. New to us perhaps but existing form beyond our perspective.

You may also fairly argue, that a god who can shit stars really does not need to be worshiped.

I say.......LMAO........he sure does..... i mean lets pray he misses us.

From here the argument degenerates into a volley of there is a god no there is not, well religions are false, no they are not. Oh yeah well, Christians are evil, those weren't real Christians. and so forth and so on that keeps you people happy blaming others.

It is a distraction. In Hinduism you don't even have to be a believer...god left science in his afterglow. Truth exists.get over it. Why should truth not also exist as or in mankind?

It is this big what if that keeps us going.

I have read a comment from a stupid non Hindu about some violence happening in India. He said. "well if that's what Hinduism teaches , you can keep it." Only i am sure this man was much more vile in his comment.

this makes my brain crack. See i read their scripture. I enjoy life because of the things it taught me. Where do you get off judging a religion by its practitioners anyway. They are only human.

It is ourselves we must judge. If you are so harsh with them, will you apply that toward yourself.....how well do you follow your logical creed? DO you love? DO you believe in Justice?

It is only ourselves that we must perfect to our liking. The blame does not fall upon another.

Even if we blame god, the logical end of god is our own reflection.

SO i am so sorry atheists......i mean it sucks for you too, at least you hope your consciousness is merely electric current that dies with you.

that freaks me out man.........i just * know* consciousness goes on.and i can chose how i pretend it. But to each their own.

*praise Jesus*

Those fucking missionaries......

It really is something for a liberal hearted person like me to feel in my gut......"Christians are evil"

Those Christians are being evil.

And it is the Pentecostals, the Ass of god and the Baptists.........Those damned healing preachers......i fucking hate them.

But don't let my biased persuede you either way on the issue of their behaviour. And you judgment as to weather or not it is something you can support.

I truly wish Christians back home in the pews would really check out their own missionaries.

I have heard a christian argue that "we should not pray for peace on people who are unsaved. Because then they would never know that they needed Jesus."

I suppose that sounds right to many. How far the Dhrama has dropped. How far the Depravity of common sense.

I thought Jesus taught us differently. If the world had more natural peace, wouldn't it be easier to win them to Christ? If the troubled souls where comforted where they are in life, wouldn't it be easier to speak of god loving them? If the hungry where fed and kept safe wouldn't they already know god is, with out you ever having to speak a word about Jesus?

Oh ....got you..........some of you are attached to that name.and would not dream of not speaking it. (oh shit here comes the doctrines of demons ablashfeeeming da lawd.)


If you true prayed to Jesus for peace to your enemies, and you are also willing to make yourselves peaceable and it spreads.....isn't that *work* Jesus doing? (yes) ok...Does Jesus announce himself? (um, no)....Then why do you need to? Let the Holy Ghost speak, let those who ask you about the peace within, to see your proclamations of Jesus.

Some may fairly argue that simply isn't the case in Christianity, and *they comfortingly banter* it is not apparent in any other religion. All i can say is does any of the notion of goodness exist in your actions? How can we make that kindness spread to others? Cant even Atheist's chose loving and choose less their greed?

This is because something is dead within. The apathy toward peace and good will is not because of a religion anyway. And it is not because of a god delusion ....well maybe it is because of a god delusion...that is an ego biased warped psychosis of doing things in the name of god and being like unto Cain in your walk and understanding of god.....anyway....

But if what is causing our blindness to just being truth seeking people and being right toward each other, is a god-delusion, then it follows there must be a god-correctly. I do not think that a the opposite of god-delusion is atheist.

If we are deluded about god then our religions and our practices of life will bear their result. But then if we deny god exists and life according to our more Noble consciousness and out lives bear the results of that. We still have a god-delusion. Our thoughts about god that we no longer believe in, that we are liberated from are still delusional. Your merely discovered that those ideas where wrong and halted inquiry. Your ignoring those old ways of thought is no measure of how less deluded you are but a measure of things discarded. God-truth might be discovered as you study your self, how you operate, and how far your mind can expand and understand. AS you discover truth, you come to understand that things we associate with the vague primal notion of god. And that there is a very fine line between self and god. Each are as expansive as the other.

If you lose the imagination of god and absolutely have no clue about this mystical shit i am laying down ok ok..i hear you brother......

You have the essence of life...your existence can be what ever you make it. It all matters on how you think. If you think with bad intent, bad reality manifests.

opps i was rambling about god again...what was i talking about before.....

*pauses to go chat with a friend*