Monday, March 24, 2008

isnt that the pot calling the kettle stoned?

Lets see, i have covered my theology, my psychology, dealing with on going with fantasy. I haven't talked about my SIN yet..... i have alluded to two kinds..........

my dissatisfaction with my being a parent, although i am not a bad one.

my enjoyment of some kind of herbal tonic that most stupid and authoritarian assholes want to keep away form me.

Yeah, several sins in just that one sentence. Ego, Pride, Lieing, Anger, Grudges, pleading, shame, fear .......but NOT and goodly so NOT Remorse for loven that pot.

I may smoke a cigarette, and they are even trying to take that from me. I may Drink a few too many beers and get a compassionate pat on the shoulder for simply not knowing any better and treated like a recovering victim. But i may most certainly NOT be a pot-o-holic

This humble and brilliant mind can only gruesomely ponder why is that?

Clearly my thinking skills and intelligence are not effect but rather from time to time elegantly enhanced. And not dumbed down and lethargic nor un-adaptable and unable to preform the taskes of loving and cherishing my family, and taking intimate means speak to them as the people they are rather than the people i want them to become. Pot helps me reach that mental state a more unconditional motherly place and it is help full with dealing with my child who is the exact and enfureating opposite of myself.

But no..they rather i take a chemical and "brand new" kind of pill. And they brainwash me with how bad pot it and how bad i am. How weak and how selfish. And They shove my kids in my face like the fucking poster children for abused kids-are-us.

Why are they so hostile?

I am not hostile. I simple want to disappear into my monk-ish sweet reality and be left alone. SO you cant pull the pot leads to crime bit.

NAY it does i will recant......because your stringent attitudes and vicious punishments and savage destructions of my family-life has left scares that POT would have never left. To Mention, the kinds of memories beer leaves behind. When high I see the beauty of making sweet memories for my family. Shall i tell you of my pot-negatives? why bother....they still are nothing as horrid and evil vile and nasty as the pictures YOU paint and worship.

I may play Warcraft, i may watch a soap-opera, i may not even smoke a cigarette in my car for fear of the precious children's lungs in their oh so pristine world of sanitation and pussy stuffed in my face every five commercials. And i most certainly may NOT, use THAT form of petty escapism and read a fucking book..........or write one for that matter.

If i only played warcraft, they would not take my family, they even have family oriented computer games and we train our babies to push buttons and live in a distraction laden/ clinical world, but i may not smoke a substance that allows me to slow down and enjoy the world and to interact with people personally.

I guess THEY don't see pot as i see it. I cant Imagine the enemy they have made it.
In fact they have a term for my logic. It's like "addiction logic" the person cant see the error of their waywardness. Like i cant be convinced.
Could it be that i am convinced by MY experience? And if i was having a bad one then i might ask for your opinion. Oh i see..........

That's why you are enforcing insane laws and punishments against me. Oh i get it...yeah....

Conform or be Contorted.

I live in a Gestapo-like environment when it comes to that leaf. A LEAF! is the cause of many misfortunes in many people's lives. A FUCKING LEAF!

yet, i may pickle my liver without impunity.
but i may not enhance my mind and enjoyment of life.

Isn't it ironic?


(P.S. my "James" persona likes interacting and thinks my mind is clearer but the effect is only temporary and should be used once in a while in prayer. He does not like my addiction. He wants me to stop my smoking after the really super prayers/insights stop. Other wise i get burnt out and run down, exhausted and no good. It is the stopping i have trouble with and i work on it constantly and recently have been able to smoke a little and then wait for a long while before starting the whole combing thing to get more.)

*yeah combing its the behaviour either conscious but mostly unconscious that some mentalities use to create their right environments*

Sunday, March 23, 2008

B-11 Teusday July 12 2005

***Announcer speaks as the cutrian drapes open and we zoom in on a family drearily getting home form a long trip***

"This was the summer of my mother's death. She died in June, and we had a family funeral in her home state. And I had just arrived home."

Teusday July 12 2005

So begins another notebook. It has been one month, tomarrow, Since my Mother Marion stopped useing her body. James tells me that comming back home after our trip is a fine oppurtunity to initiate change. ( behavioural modifications, ie refrom)

We have come up with a new mantram to steady myself by....

Deliberate, Careful, Dilligent, Observant.

I am commisened , as it were , to life my life by a higher standard. Anyway I have been 13 hours on the road and I am pretty tired. I am not sure i can auto wirte. But.... Does anyone have anything to add?

(james) Beginning tomarrow: Standard rules apply. Daily Excercies and work, Family activity, Various meditations as instructed. And do put effort to my smokeing retrictions. i will hold you accountable to theses actions. As for *unmentionables* NO! A new months begins tomarrow, sleep well daughter.

*funky grin* Ok dad,sir,master-type. Untill writing time again....


Wednessday July 13 2005

Dad, i am really feeling temptation.

"Repeat your mantram and keep busy."

Seriously i am Jonesing!

"Jusitne, fight it."


2:50 pm (James speaking) I can cirtanly see how much you miss and want your *unmentionables* but what I am not observing are any form or technique to strenghten your resolve. I see whineing, clock watching, statements and mental play about getting what ever you want. Even now you are resisting me, simply because you dont think I have the "flow"..

*justine pitching a fit*

(james watching, unimpressed with the stream of thought stuff, then continues speaking)

I wonder, at which point are you defeated? Now? or If not, the opportunity arise, or if comes the oppurtunity and you take? My feelings are that you where defeated when you went to the ATM and you are waiting for the poision of temptation run it's course through.

*justine speaks* First , i dont like writing in pens. But that is inmaterial. Shouldn't my so-called defeat be IF i take?

(james) You all but have. With one eye pinshed shut the other waits to sin.

*justine* What can i do to still win? Oh wait, i know, pray meditate, keep busy, pray for no oppurtunity. But i have no power fot that.

(james) Have you None! *scoffs*

*jusitne* Ok that was weak. All i can say is, yeah i am defeated. At this moment i am not sure i even want to win. I have great conflicting desire/will.

(james) And now would be your time to practice (referring to spiritaul practices) And if it lends some support, you are not in trouble wiht us until you partake.

*justine* Even you speak like i will.

(james) I hope that you do not get the chance untill you have some days counted to gather sober will. This is withdraw.

*i take some breaths....hates writing in pens...hope i may still count today*

Deliberate, Careful, Dilligent, Observent
Deliberate, Careful, Dilligent, Observent
Deliberate, Careful, Dilligent, Observent
Deliberate, Careful, Dilligent, Observent


It is later....

11:30 pm- i dont want to talk anymore.

(james) But you DID, very muchly... earlier , when it was for free. Even now your thoughts are taunting you with desire and false promises. Dont worry, while you can dig youself into hole many layers as deep as you fool yourself that you can bear; Circumstance provides a change in tonight's "talk" How fortunate, however Lanel keeps suggesting....
You may need to calm down and not try to antisipate what we will say and focus on what I AM saying.

(heat hurting from my life distractions.... rex and oliver(dog and cat) are wrestleing. Tim (husband) is sleeping. I know James is displeased with my choises today therefore i am nervous to write exactly what he is saying. I want it to be more pleasent.....)

(james) You are trying to soften me, and you know better. Then you try to pre-resist any of Lanel's suggested punishments. How can you expect us to comunicate effectivly? Do you really want me to pass sentence or would you rather I come to somethign fitting and meaningful to our reformation? Deside.

*justine* I want you to instruct me , Sir.

(james) Good.

Pauses....12:06 am.

Well i dont think i need to explain to "the reader" what i did to have him all upset. He is having one of his long dramatic pauses, tantamount to walking out of my room to figure out how he wants to deal with me. He can deliberate anywhere from a moment to an eternity and one cnanot really know what to expect.

I dont want to deal with *unmentionables* and i really dont want to submit to any self -imposed punishment in effort to keep myself from it. It merely steepens my climb and causes me to become more ingeneous in my lieing and scheeming.

So how can i gain control? Use this for an incentive , perhaps? An honest days work for an honest moment's enjoyment? But is it honest.... but is it pure... is it... The counter argument comes....If only i could have applied effort..isn't that all he asked? Really....

But i didn't.

I am ashamed for not trying harder... be it not resisting enough or not making battle with it. If the issue was the *unmentionable* a thrashing suits because i fucking did it. But also he's really angery about the not fighting. Well that is also a disobedience when ya think about it. But a thrashing is offencive because he wants me to fight on my own and not because he told me to. Maybe if he could make me, if he forced me to stop. But then, any victory in this addiction would be for fear of defeat.

IF this was a pure fantasy "the author" would mention the hollow muffled sound of pacing in the living room. Thru her closed door, she listens, holds her brath very still and disearns that Lanel is not with him. Her gut surges wiht nervous energy. She turns and stares out the window. 12:31 am

But then again, one ponders, this IS a reformation situation and such shock therepy might have it's benifits. (chuckles) Not that i would advocate that to my father of course.

(he calls her out to the living room, he is seated he has his shoes on)

(james) I do not see how I can "stop you" As I form my words, you protest your protection of the desire. Earlier, I promised you 20 for the initial mistake and 10 each thereafter untill you are sick of my shock therepy or you choose less painfull pleasures. I am not disheartened or disappointed in you as you may suppose, and I would never thrash you for doing that, at least not in this mannor.

Because I accepted your addiction as the object my reformation was called for, I knew that we would have this incident and those that follow to work with. But that alone is not my whole reason for haveing cause to thrash you. You really havent given me much of our other requirments. You really did not converse with us for assistance.

*justine* You did try to speak to me.... i guess i had my mind made up*

(james) Definately NOT your mind, darling. And not the part of you that will see punishment tonight. I wont stop you form partakeing untill it's battle has retreated but you will work for it and work hard during the time of your infraction. And you can begin with 40 sit-ups when we close this session.

*justine* Yes, Sir.


There is a moment os silence as we allow words to sink in. I dont feel any resistance. Perhaps because he didn't attack * it * Doubts arise as to wether or not that was his true intent or did i soften him. His look tells me it was his intent.......he explains....

(james) Because you will and do have your other conciderations to use on your own mental time, my issue right now is the rules and changing. I dont need to terrorise you and I am not going to attack * It * becasue you will only resist harder to protect it and push us out completely and we would not get anywhere spiritaully. There is penalty for loseing each little fight (smoking it gone) and in looseing the big fight(buying it) but all the while in between we have many other things to work on.
Refer to former arguments I have made on how I veiw *unmentionables* (june 29 page 26-7)
Unless you have anything more to say, it is time to close.

*justine* Nothing Sir. (1:05 am)


(author's post script... stubborn spell checker again)

a word form our sponcer, IZM

I dont feel like being serious and spiritual and babbling for a while. I feel artistic and prolific about my blog. I want to have a sit down rap with my reader(s). For a while i wont be doing much talking about what i think about religion, and other peoples ideas of god, or their ideas about what they think about my ideas of god.

I want to present pieces of my "fantasy" experiences of this god. If i was a schizophrenic one might imagine that the following are me Chronicles of madness. I like to pretend that i got to play out my fantasy of having the perfect masters and the perfect learning environment and the best of instruction. Which is far better than a fantasy of being eaten alive by worms if i do say so myself.

I have 12 books, covering nine years of my interactions and intergrations with myself and with my spirit guides.

And i like to fantasies these records show a progression. Of what end the end i hardly know but in simple psychological-like terms it was intensive therapy and my quest for sanity.

I am not engaged in these types of "meditations" anymore. In the Fantasy's own terms one might say i have graduated, i have my Reformer's Licence now.

I interact with god and spirit and reality and life freely, and do have my occasional battles with my will. Partitculary concerning my addiction. (gasp! no not the izm guru bitch.... yes even she, loves that Herb)

The follow series of my life and times represent a time of progress but still i haven't complete victory. Sheesh all i want to accomplish is to have the stuff and NOT HAVE TO use it. Should be a simple thing for Le Gu'ru Extraordinaire, but it isn't. And i wont lie to you. I am torn up between narcissistic delusion and reality can bite at any time. I call it my checks and balances mentally.

But any way, these notebooks are numbered and collaborated by a code only i know. Some have titles/themes. But the earlier work is scattered, and i have former works that i had foolishly gotten rid of for Jebus' sake and i do regret the loss now.

But i have enough to describe much of what i like to pretend has been my spiritual path.

I studied alot but i dont retain direct "scholarly" information. My mind isnt wired that way. I just absorb. I take in information and think over it slowly but understand it fast.
I just know things. And most of the time when i read it is not like learning it is most akin to remembering having learned that.

As a child i used to daydream and wish that i could attain a thing i called, Total Recall. Where i would only remember everything i learned in school or studying, and some form of that is my experience today.

Oh, lately i have been reading a wicked evil nasty vile book called.... "The Guru Papers"
I only mean by those words that it is a GREAT! WONDERFUL! book.

IT is a foil to guru's, it explains their psychology, that of authoritarian control and narcissism and having to play the role of "gods special fart of consciousness"

It is a DANGER to fool yourself into guruing others. *makes mental note that she'll ignore later, stating such would NEVER happen to her ....snickers*

Ya see what i mean!

Be your own guru and dont fall for the crap your ego comes up with. Foil yourself.
Remember submission but dont pervert it.

Anyway........what was i talking about?

The following episodes are a fantasy about being in a zen monastery-like environment with "justine's" parents and played out in their suburban home but also simultaneously in the real earth realm and in the form of a written meditation and diary of a day in the life of....

Now currently i do not do notebook writing. SO if anyone thinks that is some weird thing to spend days writing in a note book, yeah it was but at least it wasn't as bad an Ezekiel had it.........HAHAHHAHA you are gonna remember the way your talking to me when GOD does it to you; your laugh it up buddy..........yeahh yeah I am the nut freak weirdo wait your turn for "realing" things up.

*resumes posture*

Once upon a time i had some one who played the stories out with me, but he had to quit. SO i had to do it for myself, ya know? And i found that alone the while thing is impotent and leads to frustration and the romanticising of real authority dominance and submission cant be satisfied for me, and it becomes a perverted and totally southern charka's experience i rather not mind melt into anymore.

Besides you would not believe what Carol has become in my imagination.

but DAMN BO ..................SHE IS HOTTTTTTTT


Friday, March 21, 2008

The Lives and Times of the Snail, present...


PRELUDE ; The lives and times of the snail *fade from back, upon a dark room and a closed curtain the viewer is zooming down upon a young girl laying on her bed relaxing.....there is a voice over announcing.....*

I welcome you into a journey of a mind and a soul. Tonight we will be observing the lives and times of Justine, a 16 yo who had been zaped into interdemensional immigration unwittingly. That's right folks one fine day as she was running form the police she poofed here.

If you are just recently joining our already in progress feature on the lives and times of Justine, a little background. IN our first episode we observed her struggles to adapt to Keshathrian Culture. Her outrageous defiance and challenge to Diana Kohn and the other reformee of 4 years Darick Scott.

Previously we witnessed a divine interplay of intensity and drama as she struggled to adapt to the House rules of James, with the finial twist of Jame's realization of his fatherhood over Justine.

They are now a close family. By the time the producers were able to approach the family for another episode years had past. And the story didn't go quite as expected by many of our viewers recently secretly polled.

The family gave us some clips but in random order and occasionally we will air them, as they are being delivered to us. The producers wish to alert our audience to this fact, if they are following the tale of Justine. She is running for the office of Guru this term and full and direct disclosers would sway the election.

The producers apologise for the inconvenience but it is the Royal Will and it will not be changed soon.

The episodes presented henceforth do not reflect or have anything to do with current and actual events in "Justine's " or "The Snail's" current manifestation, as they are past and not currently Justine's Reality.

The Family did allow us to forewarn the viewers that Justine had to undergo unusual training, She had to reform in both the realms of Earth in order to close the portal and in the Realm of Kashtahtira and the used Kehensu-san's method of training.

Which we know form previous episodes of her acquaintance's lives and times, she can be quite intense and real ruthlessly to teach a lesson.

The Chapters of Justine's lives and times will be presented as random clip-shows.

Thank You for Your Viewing
The Producers Of "The Lives and Times of the Snail"

----um...Oh yeah, We have to cancel our previously planned episode and put this one on in stead........

* And they fade to black and the curtain opens again zooming in on a person reading a blog.....*

Thursday, March 20, 2008

The Reformation of Justine (F)

*** James speaking his point of view.****

I felt strange. When I returned, I went into the den to call Lanel.
"Something is not right about Justine." I accuse her.
"What's the matter darling?"
" I had her on the rack, but i could not punish her. I swear it felt like I had Isaiah there. Very unnerving."
"I should have told you James." She softly remorsed. I paused.
"Should have told me that Justine is my daughter. Isn't she Lanel?"
"You never miscarried."
"I knew you wouldn't believe that i could be pregnant and i have reason to believe it was Jane who implanted me but..."
"But we agreed! No forth child." I was stern.
"Jane brought her over, James. I had sent the fetus to earth to protect her. I couldn't, i would never think of the other thing." She angrily responded, my heart fell.
"Forgive me darling, my anger isn't solving this. How can we tell her?"
"I should."
"How as Queen or as Lanel?"
"First as Queen , then as Lanel." She paused "Yet by telling her, we draw the conflict near.
"So be it! There are many Jane will have to beat to even have a chance at my child!" I said.
" I will visit tomorrow morning then we should probably relocate." she said. I let the air go silent.
"How many times should we relocate before having this battle my Queen?" I sarcastically banter.
"To marrow, bye, i love you ." Click.

***** Justine's speaking and point of view again.******

We didn't talk during breakfast. I am quite sure i would not have been able to either, for sucking back emotions. And not even angry ones. I was far form angry. I felt ashamed. Not of what i did, like one might suppose because i had to bare flesh. But rather because I had been stupid.
I thought about Officer McGreggor form the detention hall. The first person who ever paddled me, and that once and he said 'you are better then this.'

That's the shame I felt. Like i disappointed him and gawd, it bothered me. I could look at James, it felt just like looking at officer McGreggor. James quietly got up to leave, but at the door he paused.

"I expect my assignment to be properly completed when I come home."
"Yes Sir." I meekly exhaled as my eyes studied the floor.

He left, i simply got to work. He was deep in thought all evening and dismissed me a 7 pm.

I woke up to his knock at 4:30, dressed. Thus begins another day at McCullen penitentiary. The Sixth day. The doorbell rang at 5:15 am, James had just sat to his coffee. He rose and opened the door.

Now, the sink in the kitchen is set beneath the interior window looking into the living room and thru it I saw.... The Queen herself was at the door. He stepped back and to her right side and kneeled before her then stood beside her. She looked at me thru the window.

"Come forward Reformee."

I tumbled into the room, frantic, why did she come? I swear i havent been trouble like before....was she going to take me away, did i screw up? She took hold fo James hand. They embraced, i was frozen mid kneel as i entered the room staring.

"And this isn't even the most interesting news for you today." Lanel smiled.

They sat in their chairs. James bade me turn off the stove and come back . When I returned, he had taken off his penny loafers and was waring a bright pair of ... pink bunny slippers. And she was sitting forward in the chair, wrestling with her words. I knelt at the door frame.

"You may dismiss with that formality, Justine. Come sit down and relax." James said softly."Lanel has something to explain to you that is not easy to say. I will help her this much, with what is news that changes everything." He got up and took the file down form the shelf. Opened it. He signed my release form and gave the file to me. I looked at it stunned.

"What! You're sending me back to earth!" I screamed unbridled. "I have nothing there, nothing to look forward to. No body wants me!" I cried.

"Shhhh" Lanel soothed. "We are not sending you back to earth. Because somebody does want you here. Your mother wants you here. We want you here."

"What! No way! Not possible... I mean NO" She said yes and explained my transplant to earth to protect me form a foolish deal she made as a young witch that would cost her the life of her forth child. And How her enemy Jane had underhandedly implanted her pregnancy to force the payment.

"What am I?" i asked confused. "And this Jane wants to possess me? But why?"
"Your genealogy co insides with some ancient prophecies and the fact that you have had contact with earth would give her more power. She would magnify your vibration to her own ends." Lanel answered.

"Why didn't she try to get me before?"
" She could not, not until you knew and felt your keshathrian nature, to bring the two realities together." She continued. I stunningly mused.
"I could not possibly open my arms to you and welcome you home yet. If I did then you would have been unprepared and comfortably let your mind merge into the common space. That means she would have been able to find you from among the masses. I had to keep you stressed and there was only one way i could protect you for sure. One thing that i could do to insure your safety was to insure your environment. And now life changes again, Justine. You re the youngest princess of Kehshathria. And we will now raise you in seclusion and raise you up as a fine proud lady."

"This could not possibly be true. It just cant really be true! How do you know I am your kid?"
"How about a blood test?" Lanel answered, she got up and called someone to have a doctor bring an chromosome kit.

I sat back and stared at them. James was also staring at me. I bet we where doing the same thing. Studying each other's features.

He had my eyes. And them fucked up unattached earlobes that no one in my earth family had.
James smiled and laughed and brought his hands together to points under his chin.
"Right now our house is protected by ninja warriors, magicians, as well as technical surveillance and shields. Beyond that Our Ms. Putmen has pissed off a few to many extra people on her way to you. And we will all be present when the time comes."
"And then what?" i said beside myself. "about us?"
"Then i will work very hard to earn your trust and respect as your father." He said with tears forming but not spilling form his hard eyes.

We paused thoughtfully.

I am suddenly not a slave but a princess. The man that terrifies me now every time i see him, i will someday call him 'daddy'. I laugh to myself. And this woman, whom i already felt attracted to and admired as a noble queen was gonna be the one who should, would, could never give up on me.
"Redemption at last." I whispered into my mirror while getting ready to visit the palace. I wore a stunning green gown with royal blue embroidered accents. I wore shin strapped black satin stilettos and black seamed stockings.
But there they told me. That the law is the law for everyone equally and i was in reformation/parole. But as they could not possibly wait any longer to become a family they would put me in the accelerated program.

And they talked with me, and we talked into the night getting to know each other.

James invited me to watch

"The life and times of the snail."

(the end of whole story)

(feed back optional, please)

The Reformation of Justine (E)

Chapter Three

I woke up automatically at 5 am this morning, my ear alert to the sound of his alarm clock. I actually thrilled to notice that my feet hit the floor first. I wasn't very loud, i was just loud enough to make a little sport, congratulating myself for the feat. He could not possibly be that subtle or observant. Ha! I got up before him. I suppose, to him, it means i should be up first... but to me.......

His door opened mid thought, and i hurried with my shirt and went to open the door as he knocked. And i answered with an interrupted yawn. He and I locked eyes for a moment and he smirked. "Good Morning then." And turned away toward the bathroom, and I to the kitchen.

A breakfast of fruit and nuts and toast. Oh Gawd! It must be Thursday. He even has a weekly menu. On the cupboards he had posted little signs with lists of that was inside them. He did this for the refrigerator also. Laundry here, sheets there. I am so fucking board. Of course he hasn't allowed me to DO anything yet. I haven't "earned" my television privilege. or the only book i can read is "ye olde manual of slaveology", or what ever it was called.

OH! Dusting Books!

He came out to the table, I kneel. He invites me to join him for breakfast, and i sit down after serving him.

"Today, you may choose a book to read only on your time and in your room." He announces.

"Thank you sir." I merely respond. oh how fucking gracious- i think- i have other plans dear sir.

We ate in silence. He left for his other job, soldier busting I ponderate. After he left, I went to the computer in the den and figured out quickly how to access the datanet. I made a few searches for registered reformers in my area. James McCullen, Elizabeth Anderson and Reba Williams.

Elizabeth and James both has private addresses. But i can find Mrs. Williams at 69 Dormont Lane, Rosewood Acers.

I turned off the computer and started chores.

James came home for lunch and commented favorably about my work and left again. It was 1.30 pm.

I reasoned with myself. I could not possibly NOT be allowed to take a walk. Though my better half knows i should stay home, my sense of adventure said I would not be gone long. And so i left, to find a friend. I left with a crude map and loosely formed plans and story lines available for any possible questions

I knocked on Mrs William's oak and glass door. An average height black lady answered. She was very mature and not weak form the look of the way she held her posture. She looked at me with disdain. "What do you want?" she said.

I paused a few seconds unsheveled,from her approach. But i lowered my eyes fast. I recalled, that's all it was anyway, an 'approach'. I needed to approach also so to speak. She was free, i imponderated, i was sure she would pay attention.

"I am reformee Justine Reese. I am staying with Master McCullen. He mentioned there being another reformee in town. And I was hoping to find...." I stopped there as she was turning her head away.

"I see." she answered, and called out her reformee Rachel to visit.

Rachel told me about herself, how she got put into reformation for atm/bank fraud. She asked me if i watched 'the snail' I todl her James didnt let me watch tv yet. She opened her eyes wide as if I was missing the shizznet. The life and times of the snail was Keshathria's number one hit tv varity drama show. She explained different stories from seasons past, opening the tales up with 'and then this one time...' She invited me to her upcomming birthday party.

We chatted and giggled and exchanged phone numbers and parted ways in time to finish our chores. I like Rachel. I was on cloud nine. I sang, I danced. I tried to settle myself down when the front door shut.

I greeted him. " How was your day?" I asked, putting his coat away.

"Wearisome, Justine. Please take my brief case to the den for me." And so I did, and served supper.

"And how was your day, young lady?" He asked during the meal.

"Very nice. I took a long nap."

"A nap? I guess either I don't work you hard enough or it is very tiring to remember to call me Sir or Master. And i am tired of talking about that. Dismiss yourself from my table." He snapped.

I was now pissed off but i felt cool and wise. I tensely set my fork down and pushed myself back from the table. Searching for something to say back. To scream, to defend.

"And here I thought, being master was your favorite subject, Sir. It all you seem to have to say."

I barely got the sounds out, for that's what they became.... sounds after i picked myself off the floor form his slap. He mildly returned to his dinner. I wanted so badly to stand up and sound off and i do swear to god i will fight him when it comes down to it. But instead i picked myself up, hung my head, knelt silently at the door and retreated to my room.

I heard him cleaning up the kitchen sometime after that, and walk down the hall. Later he slid papers under my door. Boldly on the top page of ten pages was written;

" I will always remember to speak in a humble respectful tone. I understand the importance of displaying proper respect for my reformer. And only by respect can respects be earned."

I knew the drill, i was to fill up those pages. Fine! Fucker! I wrestled with myself.

When 2 am came around and i still had 3 pages to fill, i gave up to sleep. At 4:30 he knocked at my door. I greeted him still in my night clothes, he frowned at me.

"Why are you not properly dressed?"

"It's 4:30 in the morning Sir. I didn't sir i..."

"Well, I see. SO you don't really want your feet on the floor before mine. Give me the assignment."

He looked it over, still frowning, noting how it was not finished. And that he requires each sentence to be written individually. I protested and he demonstrated how obvious it was when someone writes down the page I I I I will will will will and so forth as he dramatically tore the pages in half and dropped them, then he was gone off to the bathroom.

I went, nay i stormed off to the kitchen to realize he didn't do anything but clean his own area and left the rest to me. I was incensed. I started roughly clattering pots, and dishes into the sink.

god damned fucker fuck fuck fucker

Grumbling and sassing him under my breath under the protection of him being at the other end of the house. But then, as I slammed a plate into the sick and got splashed with hot water I spat out loud.

"Fucking asshole bastard" and turned to grab a towel. And there he was.

My face turned ashen and i tottered back against the counter. His crystal eyes were inflamed passionately and he was deadly calm.

"Take yourself to my basement." He ordered.

I stammered and he stepped closer. I slid out, away from in front of the sink, and him as he turned with me. Steering me. The basement door was behind the stone white table. i slowly stepped toward it, shaking and frozen.
"I am sorry. Please don't... don't."

At that he advanced upon me, took my arm and there we were, downstairs.
"Remove your shirt and stand over there." He pointed toward what seemed to be like a bed frame set up on its end, with appropriately places restraints. My stomach fluttered. My mind flashed back to Diana's attic. My gut wrenched.

The rest of the high ceiling basement room was his storage of military gear, a neatly arranged assortment of whips, paddles, and another "device". I was stunned in to numb submissive action. This was not the place to throw down.

He locked my wrists in, and got a cat of nine tails. Oh Gawd! I clenched myself and was given the first lash. He paused silently , thoughtfully and lashed two more times. Then stood back and set the whip down.

"Your not ready for this yet. I believe I will save this." He said as he released me bade me dress and steered me over to the other device, and uncover the lower half of my clothing.
"This on the other hand..." he continued. " Should encourage you to not throw your little hissy fits again. And let the lash be a warning about not ever speaking words like that again to me."

Each word searing and tingling into every nerve in my spine. My eyes burned. I clamped my lips shut and braced myself for his belt. When he was finished , he quietly left me to gather myself together and I suppose to get back to work.

He had gone back down the hall, and I cried thru my work till breakfast.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

The Reformation of Justine (D)

Chapter Two

James was very strict, he made me kneel when I entered a room, and stand when he left it. I got drinks, washed floors. Before noon the first day he grabbed me by my shirt lifting me to my toes, boring his eyes into mine and challenged me to repeat out loud what I said under my breath.

I was speechless, he was so sudden.

I haven't been able to manage smarting off to him yet and I have avoided what he calls physical reprimand. I have quietly followed orders. Right now I am musing over the supper dishes. I have been here for three days. 'maaaaasterrrrr' is watching television. He has been on my ass incessantly. Every single flaw, form how my eyes are to the rules of 'his' house.

I am gonna go nuts I tell ya. And when he sees me about to blow my cool, he smiles and tells me about the world of pain i will face the moment i defy him.

Oh Shit! The dishes are done to inspection. I went to the living room arch and kneel. He clicked off the tv, gets up and inspects then kitchen. Taking his sweet time as my knees begin to ache.

"More attention to detail with my counters, young lady."

"Yes Sir." i sighed, trying to console my weariness. He stepped up behind me.

" Do you think being a good slave is going to save you from me , Justine?"He is so thoroughly ruthless, the air parted for his words to unmask my soul.

" What am i supposed to do, sir? If i crack you will whip me, if i complain you will make it worse. If i take it, you might let off on this power trip you Kehshathrians love so much.

" Oh." He smirks. "She fancies herself indomitable. At 16 years old!? Such a brazen child. I could turn up the heat and make you really crack. I could force you to give up this false discipline you are only fooling yourself with."

I faltered on my knees. Well i guess i hadn'ta thunk about it that much, i think.

"Sir, i dont know what you want. I don't think i am indomitable."

"But you do think i am playing a game with you. You may rise."

I stood up and went into the living room, spun quickly on my heels and knelt again as he entered in. He smiled approvingly as he took his chair.

" Do you know, I train the king's own private guard?"

"No sir." I answered as i sat on the couch.

" Well I do. And I am extremely careful about the people I allow in His Majesty's service. Do you think all I want to see are "good soldiers"? Proper formalities, dead eyes shielding raging defiance? Is this the kind of Reformee that i would allow back into My country?"

I bowed my head silently.

"That's correct. No. So I am giving you and opportunity now to speak freely. You don't have anyone but me to talk to, tell me whats on your mind, child."

I was writhing my hands, wanting to burst open but didn't know how.

"How do i know this isn't another power play? Like if open up to you i become vulnerable to abuse?"

" If I am forced to Break you, you also will become vulnerable to me. You are testing yourself, Justine. Testing yourself against me. You may choose to block yourself from my friendly advances until you burst out under pressure and bad judgment and end up on my rack. It is up to you."

We sat silent a while, studying one another.

"Master," I said dryly "I am worried about my .. um... my Darrick Ray Scott, and Mistress Diana. Can I please talk to Her?" James smiled softly, a thin soft like before a negative answer.

"Unfortunately, Reformation Prohibits contact with former friends. But that is largely left to the disgression of the Reformer." I returned a thankful smile to James and he continued.

"Mister Scott has been remanded to the Reformatory 'School of Academic Military Excellence'

and doubly unfortunate was the loss of Diana's pregnancy." He paused quietly, remorsefully.


"Yes, Justine you may call her in my den." said he as the tv clicked back on.

I dialed the phone with trembling fingers.
"AH, hello Justine." came Carol's voice.
"Carol?" I stammered.
" Yes, cant I visit my former reformee?"
"Of course Ma'am, I-I didnt meant anyhting."
She laughed and then Diana took the phone.
"Mistress I am sorry to hear everything that has happened. I am so sorry for all the trouble I caused. I-I " stammered into tears.
"Shhh.... hush... it's alright, Justine. Jessy, everything is going to be alright." She cooed.
"He is SUCH a bastard!" I nearly screeched.

Diana laughed hartilly, I heard Carol say in the background even she heard that. Diana asked me who was 'He'.
"Master James McCullen." I drowned.
"Well." She said with deep respect in her tone. "Are you sneaking this phone call? It would not be wise." She asked me firmly.
"Like I would dare. " I scoff. " Mistress, he said I could call." I could hear her smiling.
" I am happy to hear that darling. And i am glad you're surviving under him. Derrick has also been allowed to write to me. Her Majesty is mercifull. I will be on leave." Diana says." For a few months, you can call back any time."
"Thank you Mistress."
"Diana." Her voice cracked.
"I desided to retire my licence. I need some time to myself and to go thru some retraining. It happens. I lost touch, was karmically bitch sla....."

I hear the reciever fall and in the back a resounding slap. And Carol took up the phone.

"Justine, I appoligise."
"Will she be alright?"
"I assure you. And you ,child, how are things going?"
"He is picky about every detail.... LITTLE DETAILS!"
"All the better to teach you mindfullness, my dear."
" Did you know, all my my slaves wait kneeling at the door when i come home from work? You dont have it bad at all, Justine. But know this, Master James is a very honerable and just man. And he is as tough and exacting with himself as he is with you. Humm... I wonder if you should know."
"Know what, Carol?" I should have just thunk it.
"Yes, you should have. Yes, even over the phone and yes, i would be a bitch for a mistress. Any more questions?" Carol giggled.
"What shoudl I know about?" I sighed frustrated.
" That your master is a highly skilled Ninja. His Master is Kehensu personally."
"Oh my Gawd! Oh please help me. What does he mean about.... he wants more than simple obdience and good behaviour. What am I suppoed to be doing?"
"Humm, indomitable?"

I think argh. ARGH! What the fuck is that! What's that suppoed to mean? I am not indomitable, just shit what do you people want from me? Am i suppoed to walk in there and call him a fucked up bastard? Thats what I wanna do. Just walk in and blow his limits in one swoop. I am so SICK of...."
"Stop Justine. Slow down just a little bit." Carol soothed." What happens then, after you tell him off?"
"He will smile evilly and all hell breaks loose."
"Then he wants to you get fed up, but wisely express yourself. How can you desensitise from his mannor and pay attention to his words? And to him?"
"NO, he's on to that already Carol. He said about makeing me crack. He knows I just want to defy him."
"Why do you want to, have to, break the rules, child?"
I paused, "I dont know."
"Well, there you have it."
"Have what!? What!?"
"Your time is up Justine, have a pleasent evening." She cooed.

James then knocked on the door, informing me of the time. This was now 'personal hygene hour' oohh a whole hour to shower shit and shine. I hung up the phone and went to my room to get my night clothes.

Another day over. I mused in the tub and again as I sank into my bed. Maybe I need to relax. He knows I am afraid to test anything right now. But to test is my nature. We surely cant live together like this. In slave/master formalitiy. When does fucking hell-week end in this Horrid place? At least there was Carol and Diana to talk to, but hells bells they are the 'enemy' and I am not permitted to write derrick yet.

Maybe there is another slave here in Rosewood acers I could pal around with.

the end chapter two

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

The Reformation of Justine (C)

Master James rationally closed both doors and strutted rather like a lion across the room and sat in his chair. Beside him was a lamp table and another similarly adorned feminine chair. On the other side, was arranged a couch set and end tables with lamps. Directly across that was the wall , lined with a large screen television, and ornate window cut into the wall , looking into the kitchen and framing the window where large twin bookshelves, stocked with many old books, separated also by a dashboard style stereo cabinet.

Just off of the left side of the interior window was a large archway entrance int o the dinning room/kitchen area. Behind the table, catty cornering each other are two doors. One leading out into the back yard and to a small building. The other door was dark and closed.

When you follow your eyes along the wall you'll notice a hallway just off the dining room door frame where i was kneeling as he skimmed over my file reflectively. And he made entries......

" Justine i will play no games with you. The fact that you are form earth means nothing to me. Your bodies may be frailer than ours but evidence has long proven that your minds are of the same intelligence and you can very well comprehend the way things are. Am I mistaken young lady?" He snapped his fingers again and then calmly motioned for me to stand up and sit on the couch.

My head was spinning, half his words spinning me into verbal confusion. I instinctively clasped my hands together as if i was praying. Eyes nervously darting from place to place....
" Um .... Yes... Sir?" I moused, to which he smiled and laughed.
" Good answer, Justine... " and set the folder aside. " My name is Master James McCullen and i will be the answer to your every question for the next 18 months. So please, come in and sit... relax.... take your shoes off. " He smirked to himself.
I composed myself somewhat and perch with my hands on my lap and my bum on the edge of the seat. James returned to his reading of the folder. My knees bounced up and down.

Then he closed the thin folder again and stuffed it on top of some books on the shelf.
" I will not look at that file again until i release you."
" But wont you have to write reports?" I say.
" Sir, or even Master or any such term of respectful endearment grace the lips before a slaves speech fouls the dinner." He paused and looked in to me sharply. " it is a quote from and old fashioned reformation manual. " His hands wiped dust form the binding of the book he referenced. " I may have a mind to make you read it, Justine. if you cannot find your respect and make proper adjustments. Do you understand?"

" Yes Sir." My voice cracked dryly, swollen with tears. He turned form the bookshelf and produced a handkerchief, pauses again as i burst violently into emotion. I took it form him, he returned to his chair.
" Would you like to speak, Justine?"
" I dont know, Sir. I am confused and scared. Will i ever see Diana again, sir? You kehshathrians are so strange to me. i dont know if... if " and i broke down into tears and babble. James put his hand softly on my shoulder.

" I am sorry that your experience here has been less than fulfilling. you must have come with brilliant hopes. But found instead a hard strict reality. But this is temporary, Justine. Formality really. You must first conform then gain liberties. And I shall give you plenty of opportunities to conform and gain liberties. These Liberties will lead you toward freedom as one of us. This notion should not seem so foreign to you , miss juvenile delinquent remanded to a detention hall 6 months at the Springfield youth correction facility. While they Carried no whips they made you obey and learn self control.... Or did they, Justine?" He paused.

My sniveling suddenly became writhing my fingers. "I dont understand sir."

" I perceive that it has been your habit to examine authority for weakness and ways to continue to do as you please and you have never been taught discipline."

" You think you know everything, dont you!" I huff.
" What really matters at this point, Justine, is your tone. And lack of respect for my authority even if not yet for me personally. And i will remand you physically the next time theses are forgotten." He spoke sternly.

" What..." I paused. " Sir, what has that got to do with not writing in that file!?"

*he chuckled softly*

" I can see that we are going to have communication problems. It is no longer your privilege to advance any topic upon me. is the clear Justine?"

what a hard-ass bastard i think
"Yes Sir." I said, adding a slight twitch of my nose.

James smiled, satisfied with his intimidation and snapped to his feet, motioning me to stand as well. Then he proceeded to show me thru his house. When he was finished he encrypticly said.

Learn, grow, play, pray, work.
Class, living, private, outside, kitchen

(the end chapter one)

The Reformation of Justine (B)

Her voice resounded from the center of the room to the center of my heart. Carol spoke in my ear.

"Beware Justine. Sometimes the path thru confusion is abbadonment. No matter what your struggles where before this moment, they are about to be dramatically altered. For the better, for worse, or foe the way there where 3 days ago. All baised on the next words you speak. Take your time sweet child, and speak sure and proudly. Show her, at least you can make a mistake and accept the consequences like a true kehshathrian.
And listen dear, you are not even aware of what you are missing, which is why you were in reformation to begin with to be instructed how to live here. So think of the question as an intitiation.... Sure it is hard at first to live here, but maybe someday you will get to carry the whips." She giggled. " Or not, But Stick with us, you give us another chance. And trust me on this, you may even have a chance to earn back Master Kehensu's attention.
So choose your answer well.... How are you worth the Queen's mercy?" Carol whispered.

Her words driving into my subconscious. Bring up from deep in me a strenght and power i never knew before. I thought hard. I was worth the effort of the Question......... My thoughts seazed!


My mouth was swollen shut and my mind scattered. I couldn't remember what i was htinking. i mused and pondered rapidly as my nervous body wobbly stood. Carol handed e a glass of water. I sipped. And made my way to the podium.

Grasping both sides of....(what ever that little book holdign thing is called).... and with a deep steady breth is spoke......

"Your Majesty i am different....." My words trailed off as i watched her eyes narrow hopelessly. Carol pocked her finger into my ribbs and exagorated her posture, coaxing me to gather myself together.
" I am different, you majesty, becasue in your wisdom you have deemed me worhty of teh question. When according to law i deserve no mercy as i am now a supplicant begging entry.... And you are Her Ladyship the law of Kehshathria."

The courtroom fell dead silent as Lanel took in ym words. She smiled pleasently and chuckled and then resumned her statuesqeness .. thought, then spoke.

" You're clever. That shows enough knowledge of our ways to grant your citizenship. Congratulations Justine Marie Reese. Let it be noted."

The crowd was amazed and murmmered randomly.
" But" a single word hushed them into unision.

" Your previous behaviour on our soil casues us alarm. As it is unbefitting that anyone who knows our law and would chsoe to break it should remain ins citizentry. But you are indeed worth of another chance to earn full use of your citizentry rights. You must show yourself to be tamer than you have been. You are therefore reassigned to the Reformation another 18 months, or untill you are paroled, as your reformer sees fit. I pronounce. This case is settled.
Justine, I do hope that I never see you in court again. She said dreadfully.

"Me too, your majesty." I stammeredweakly studdering back and from the podium. And then one of the balifs layed his hand on my shoulder and lead me out of the courtroom. I had been taken to the infirmory and given medical exames and asked hundreds of questions and tossed limply back into my cold grey cell.

Left to wait.

And my mind focused ont he grey and realsied my breath was exhausted, my body was tenced, my blood stung inside me very veins.......

Road signs. Road signs flash before my eyes.... i am in a car.

I will always remember Carol's car. When she started taking off she woudl generate such G-Force with her speeding that one is instantly snapped back against the seat, secured by a five point harness. At some point during the trip a 5 thousand dollar note would slide out of the dash board. And then you notice a small sign that says " for the person who can reach this bill."

Carol drove fast. Very fast. And she is like, smokeing a ciggarette while she does it.

As the agony of defat settles in, she slowed the car dramatically yet smoothly to more leagle limits as a town draws near. The sensation of which left me to feel a kind og pricklly sensation accompanyed by thousands of pin pricks all over my body . and pressure in my stomach. Carol neatly reinstalled her limp little intimadator and wordlessly drove on.

Like all Kehshathrian wemon i have ever met she carries herself with high dignaty. All five feet of her bound and proper looking. She had coal eyes. And unlike Diana, Carol's eyes e-nun-ce-at-ed and twinkled. She had a very particular goddess-ness about her.

" Thank you Justine." She said, looking at me softly.

" What?!" I answered having been torn out of my reverie. She chuckled and announced our arrival at my new Reformer's House. I clutched randomly at the harness seat belt, my heart beat studdering beneath the buckle. Wondering, what was I, before this car ride?

My heart stopped, as Carol savagely opened my door from the outside. Or maybe it wasn't savage... for she had a soft comforting glare on her face, but rather that i had heard and felt each mechanical click and squeak the handle made as she lifted the thing. The squeel of th elatch as the door reluctantly let in a swooping rush of air and light, and her shadow.

" Justine, never cower to fear."
" What would YOU do!?" i said back.

" I would hold my head high and survive. Toughen up and act right. And I would definatly put away my smart assed attitudes, Justine." She said. " Come out of the car now, and let meet your Reformer, Master James McCullen."

I still tembled. My hand blindly defied me as the seat belts unfassioned and snapped open. Carol offered me her hand as i slid into my new reformer's comain in suburbia. With the little pink flamengoes stuck in his flower garden. Just a typical ranch-style house, not dissimmular from any of the other properties here. Everyone had their own five acres. And this was definatly a highclass residental zone.

She knocked savagly on the door, a bird fluttered away.
" And it was ment to be savage this time." she chuckeled.

The door opened, James was a tall sharp looking man in his mid 40's, clean shaven with just past the shoulder length ravenblack hair, in black casaul pants; a jacket, brown shirt and brown penny loafers.

" Your New Reformee, Sir.: Carol announced, as the screen door opened. He welcomed us inside. Carol gave him my file. " Her name is Justine Marie Reese, assigned to 18 months reform for running away from her previous Reformer." She then stepped back from in front of me.... leaving me to face his shoulder, as i would not dare to look up yet. He spoke to her.

" Thank you Mistress Carol, as you know i have already been briefed." He tucked the folder under his arm, looked at me and snapped his fingers. I felt my stomach tence but i jsut stared blankly in confusion.
" It ment kneel Slave." He instructed.

" I bit the insides of my cheeks, Carol gave me a subtle coaxing glance... my hands gripped themselves, as i willed my knees flush to his floor.

" Very good Justine, now waddle yourself over there, before the hallway enterance and wait. You have been blocking Mistress Carol's path. Very unthoughtfull on your part.

I darted a disguised attempt of mean eyeshot at him. He received my look and slapped my right cheek. And told me now i would ahve to crawl over to the halway enterence and wait.

Carol and he exchanged glances. " Well Sir I suspect I should allow you to tend to your work."

" And I Bid you good day Mrs. Wiese." She curstyed at the door and then she was gone.



And she was gone.