Thursday, December 25, 2008

Stuff to remember later.

Hello Reader, this one isn't for you. SO it does not matter to me if you understand.

I have an addiction. And in order to assure myself that life really is ok without "it" i am writing out what i perceive to be the internal mental lies the addiction demon speaks, and how come they are not true and how to defeat it.

So here we go.... Dear ME.

Here i am in this wonderful state of mind you crave. But from here i can see that it is no different that where you are now. I am calm, and i can hear each thing happening around me.
I can respond, and move my consciousness seamlessly from attention point .. such as the television is loud now, and i can move my awareness back to writing.

This state of mind is simply being where you are, and quiet. You can achieve this....just breath, listen, be aware of movement.

when you are sober you will hear these thoughts.... "i m going to do it any way." " I am ok now but i will want later" "i hate my life" .... there will be explosions of irrational angers.

notice them for the things they are.

Since you can notice this... you are already using the same state of mind that i am currently in.

You favorite lie is "this time i want ( or will be able) to control this."

Your justification is " i need it to figure things out." you needed this to write..... you are better and more witty when.... various other enablers.

I know you know what they are , Jessy, but you seem to think you forget this when you are sober.

But you don't... you are simply not paying attention calmly. Have you noticed that you spend allot of time judging others behaviors....but little time changing yours? You have come to feel more moral then others, yet trapped in the same things you hate? Work on that, it will help.

guilt and all those other little thoughts are what keep you trapped to this addiction.

learn that you are not thought thoughts... you are these thoughts you are not these thoughts, you are actions.

You know if people would stop wishing ill upon others much common tragedies would stop, yet when you are weak you act in anger and speak mindlessly.

learn to just be in awareness and you are in this state of mind.

It is a lie that that thing is the only way there. it is a deception, just like certain religious behaviors.

If your brain can be happy and aware and intelligent this way, then it is clearly physically capable of being thus now.

because being yourself in this now is the only gift of your choice of addictive substances.

The pains of this gift are many and deeply disturbing to your ideal morality and purpose

Such as the lieing............and other things you need to become aware of now........

learn to over come lies and you are closer to this state of freedom .

good tidings to you.....

And merry Christ- Mass too

May God Bless you And send you a braver new Year.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

repent please

(((This is a random post. It is a responce to some conversation i had when i did a fly by at Debunking Christianity. I thought it was groovy so i e-mailed myself and waited for the correct rainy day to post it. ))))
FROM, reply to post title begining with " I used to be an atheist, but "

Seems to me when people have an agery responce to *god talk* it is like they are insulted that another person can have a positive mythology. For them the mythology didnt work and they found another that does. And recent anyone who talks about how they preceive god.

By mythology i mean world veiw, and how one relates to it. I liked the statment " i hate Jar Jar binks. I dont belive in jar jar binks." It is the same thing as saying i hate god. i hate the idea of god. They hate the images and the empty promises and the forced behaveur they associate with god/religion/delusion.Three separate issues.

To me the speak of God and Chrisitanity as the same thing. Therefore they will not belive god is possible. Why not, in light of the glareing fact that those things that failed them was not god, look for other definitions that match up with our first undrestanding of god? Such as god is love, so lets follow compassion and reject the things we concider violence. Well it is one's perogative. Best they find one that teaches them to let go of hateing the false. And start loveing/being with the true.

I blieve that god is in each of your're questions, but i could only subjectivly say that baised on how i belive he was with me. now every body lay face down i have a live grenade!....REPENT

(psyche) i wanted to say i think mad LOL scientist's post was groovy and insightfull. i mystically see god's imaginary influence in your mind which shall be atheistically obliterated at the termination of your life chemical funciton. be blessed.


Christmas oriented Preaching

Do you want to know why Christian prayer is.. or can be powerful?

Listen to the progression of theses words....maybe later in this blog i will actually look up FOR you scriptural proof texts.

" I, by the virtue of the perfect obedience of your true son, and the sonship that was imparted unto me by the power of your Holiness, do invoke that all entities real or imagined, deceivers and spirits, and evil intentions that have been passed on to me and invited by me into the shpere of my influence and imagination, to have their invitation revoked by the blood of Jesus the Christ."

anyway, whilst i was praying something to that very exact intent i got the jiggly wiggles and grooved majorly in the Spirit. Ida know about you.

Lets start from the beginning ( middle too maybe)....

IN november 2007's blog "imponderations".... and "bewildered"
of dec, i had experienced a spiritaul attack, and a typical christian method of casting out bad juju. And Recently i had come to realise i was again being progressively seduced by the spirit "names" i trust..

There is your true spirit, and then there are those that try to pretend they are "insert name here" . There are also little daydreams and besetting desires and general mind numbing... mind control... inflicted upon us by reality. All the "entities" obscuring your vision of self and that connection to "god", the emanation of knowledge.

And i had realized also that i was trying to channel Lanel, and absorb her into myself, and "take back" what she took from me.

(always the riddler, that one)

i "pretended" it meant that when i created "lanel" she ( her entity) borrowed from me parts of my better personality.

and to "become whole" i should, according to old familiar and very personal rituals and methods of mental invocation, become integrated as her/me. Not no longer be connected to the name Lanel but to name myself lanel. (ye olde become god yourself ploy) And when i asked advice of my SPG James he psycho-babbled some shit that supported "lanel"

I was mind numbed OK...sheesh.........

Good thing i have a real-life spiritual friend who pointed out that who ever that "Lanel" and "James" where ( in that moment and perhaps a few undiscovered and repented moments previous) they where trying to get me to allow them to possess me and that's supper bad juju.

And we though discussion discerned that i also had a succubus.
And agreed that it was a very good idea to Spiritually clean house.

And through our discussions i revealed that i had been not spiritually minded, full of hates and fears, yadda yadda, paranoid, etc....well, LOOK you read my blog, you have but to verify.

I remembered that the really "super good James", and the way groovy spiritual experience happen with me more clearly when i am personal with the bible. Sorry Atheists, i figured out how come it is the Living Word of god.

Because it's voice can be directed to you... and here are some verses that i "pretend" appealed to my situation and began the prayer that included the above sentiment....

Last, first, Jer. 2:13 this had occurred to me after the whole praying shabang ( tongues and calling demons by name and throwing their asses out the east door and sealing it up and filling the empty places with the light of the holy spirit etc etc.) These verses seemed to point out how i had sinned and thus how i might avoid missing the "voice of the true Shepherd."

"""For My people have committed two evils: They have forsaken Me the fountain of Living Waters (notice the friggen pluralisation, will ya)....

To hew for themselves cisterns, (how pathetic, but wait there's more) Broken Cisterns, that can hold no water.""""

And last, the Verses that Provoked my "banishing ritual" prayer.

They are contained within Job 5 With emphasis of meaning on the following.

12 " He frustrates the plotting of the shrewed, so that their hands cannot attain success. 13 He captures the wise by their own shrewdness. And the advice of the cunning is quickly thwarted."

"15 But he saves from the sword of their own mouth."

"19 From six troubles He will deliver you, even in seven, evil will not touch you. 20 In famine (both physical and spiritual) He will redeem you from death. And in war from the power of the sword."

And in Job 6:12,13 Job lamented he was at fault because his Help was not within him.

Job, like me tried to retain an image of god and the entity soured.
~~~~SELAH ~~~~~

And there are many other revelations of personal significance that followed but they are not yours.

Now......I did indeed have to take back what lanel took from me but it was not my own self, or my personality traits and abilities , nor access to the knowledge of and connection to the True Spirit and to exorcise the powers thereof.... but it was this....

My fear........and the realisation of the knowledge that She has no power over me. Save that which i give her, and to let that spirit inside me to live as me or my controler was only a method of enslavement.

SO i called HALT, and surrendered to the spirit of He that knows himself to be the Creator and Almighty Holiness...........ya know?

well it worked.....

dag nabit.

Now how is this all oriented to christmas?

I have to take a break for a few, non existent unto yourselves, blog moments....brb

Christmas is when god became flesh. Or if your more gnostic in orientation you might conceive that Jesus that true son of god the Christ, became god's flesh.

Which would be to to attain a state of no delusion, and communication with truth and divinity, and to have function in reality and the body.

Or if you are a puppeteer, it is to become a personal receptor counciouslessly, of god's relation and beingness in that certain reality you perceive.

Ya... i know, i am bloody confounding.

it just means to enjoy god. not that you BE god but that truth has a flow, and correctness has an order of authority.

shoot that wasn't any better.

well you'll understand when you get it for yourself in your own personal language.

Sorry, sometimes the truth sounds like a cop out.

My belabored point is that It is Christmas everyday a son of god is born.

And because Jesus was Christ, and so Paul explains a wee bit better than i, He adopted us, and imparted christness into us. Showed us how to walk that path.... how to surrender to perfect obedience.


* notices i have lost the atheists...... a few of them are arching eyebrows and making personal judgments...... i think one left.... and i decide not to try to psycho-babble about specifics anymore.*

well dear readers i think that's all she wrote.....

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

A bunch of incredulous, harmless, and random thoughts

Lets play "What if"

What if there is a "judgement". It does not necessarily have to mean there is a god to do it either. Humanity has many choices for their Confessor. But the one they avoid most is themselves. So, perhaps from time to time a reality needs to go thru times of self consideration, judgment, and self evaluation. Indeed our lives do. We experience periods of rethinking ourselves personally. The result of theses are certain seemingly irrevocable life decisions.

Could a Race likewise do the same? Well it would certainly be the road less traveled.

If i could just snap my fingers and pretend the world that would be nice....

well i can do that. But if by pretending i could make it so.... except in my fantasy there must be common unity. One cant even merely pretend it alone, it has to be wanted. A shared fantasy.

See i been thinking, and it does not seem to me that so called "fascist" and "communist" have to be the things they are considered and the corruptions they have been the cover for. I think what we have , as a humanity experienced are perversions of some deep human ideal to provide life and liberties and civilisations of greatness.

The kinds of long lasting civilisations that we admire as a humanity were lands where the people have never been free. We admire their cultures and traditions and we desire the quaintness of expressing ourselves with ceremony, form, and meaning.

Yet paradoxically, we are distracted by progress and greed and fear.

Let me ask you a random question....

Have you ever studied the history of our money system? It is my uneducated opinion that there is no financial crisis. What is happening is that the governments of this world and the bankers wish to do business with fewer entities. The government does not bail anyone out unless there is profit for itself. They are buying the corporations.

Do we absently experience a form of happiness because the gas prices have dropped?

Are we grateful to our evil puppet overlords for their boon?

Ahhh dont mind the chicken littles, the sky isn't falling anymore.

I just cant help but have images of Ben Franklin washing his hands of us in sad disgust.

There used to be a saying. "sell your soul to the company store."

It was not a pleasant notion. But perpetual debt. You had to buy your goods at the store they provided on your paycheck's credit. Therefore you where always going to work for those people until your debt was paid off.

I am sure those individuals expressed much thanks to their over lords for various boons. Such as more choices, or a few of the latest goods.
But at the same time the company was stealing from their bellies.

But Humanity could have taken a different course. Sorry, but i cant escape feeling a certain finality to theses coming years.

Oil is what we will become, as it is made up of what used to be.

Oil is dinosaurs, and trees, and rocks, and crap.

The dinosaurs where jipped. Simply not intelligent enough to learn from their environment, and mistakes. Simply not aware enough to study and prepare.

But humanity is. But, i must be in a state of delusion because there is absolutely no public, or common awareness of various real science issues that threaten not only our freedoms, but our existence.

Fact, the bees have been dieing. Fact, the sun has been flipping out. Fact the money system is cracked, expect radical change. Fact, their are experiments and bad chemicals and mental programming, and subliminal programming, and evil agendas, and fake religion, and very evil actions going on in reality.

Things that simply to desire, and to become concerned with doing well, would eliminate.

But instead to believe in good ideals is so "unrealistic".

If i was not mad, i would think that was strange.

Now i am trying to avoid my fatalistic funk. But i just dont think we would do very well if there ever was something like a Judgement from God.

Society has been herded into corals... warcraft, disney show fans, cell phones that do all. Love is portrayed with materialism. Deep thoughts often involve food choices rather then how to improve oneself. Reality shows have people act shallow and full of vanity.

Have you ever noticed in American Idol how the more "self-confident" as person is the more they absolutely suck? How none of the people with confidence can back it up? Nor are the studied ones modest?

Also, there is all theses paranoid "wake up" videos on YouTube.... and i keep thinking... and do what?

Wake up and do what? Why does no one show hope full videos, with good human nobility.....promote the emotion of compassion and action?

What, why dont I? Well because i dont want to. I am intimidated by the time i have to put into looking for images to copy and paste and all that so called *easy* stuff.

Anyway Humanity might have chosen another way.

This world still has plentiful and quickly renewable resources of food and oil.
We have technology to irrigate deserts, cure disease, control population wisely, educate all and make liberty also. We could use the deltas of the world to grow food like the Egyptians did.... esp since the climate is changing, hurricanes bring sediment. (speaking of using the Mississippi delta for farm land rather than a place to show off your boobs for some plastic beads.)

Shoot Hemp seed oil can run cars.......but more amazing is that we know how to make cars run on water, frying grease, plain electricity, cars that create water or some kind of useful gas.

But do we all have it? no... hey we could use solar energy, but dang nab it the solar panels cost too much.

What? Yeah money gets in the way of ending fossil fuel dependence.

Bamboo has been building houses and feeding people and fires for generations.

I hear rice has more uses than food, and get this........ and these supplies and many like them grow all over the place.

This does not mean we have to stop using trees, but i think we need to lay off the oil and coal. Perhaps.......... in the form of penance we might learn to make more, and put it back. as we have disturbed the internal balance of things.

We have the technologies to do all this. I dont know what kind of stubborn red tape prevents doing good things for humanity. I dont understand why money is so important. I cant figure out why we are so hung up on sex and entertainment. And not commonly about things of a higher Chakra?

But i guess that is reality. Simply the way it is. Or even simpler the kind of beingness that gets to be in charge for the moment. I hope and pray that we get the notion to change that at some point in the future.

It would be plenty nice if some higher beingness would emerge and be relevant to all and instruct us toward better civilisation.

Hey i hear Merck has a pill for this kind of thinking.

*be blessed if you want to be.*

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

How many readers have i got?

I sometimes wonder. But ya know don't want get all egotistical.

But I do. I have a little ego trip. Which got me to thinking, what is the difference between an ego trip and simply enjoying your life? To find intrigue and connection with this living moment. Which can be as meaningful and as purposeful as you pay mind to make it.

Anyway. I am rather scatterbrained tonight. I think i am going to list out some talking points and babble periodically.

My talking points are ego-pleasure, democracy and government ideas, But first....

How many readers do I have? I tried to install one of those digital counters, but i am entirely inept with the computer funky mojo. See, if i had a disciple that read my blog he could to all that techno stuff for me.

My gawd I am an arrogant punk, or was I putting on a facade'?

Anyway, I think that guy, John Luftus removed my requested blog archive navigation tool to spite me for writing a negative and unstudied book review for his book. Then later I made *public* my stark and uneducated disagreement with much of his psyche.

Or maybe I am just creating mental drama...ida know.

And now for the politics....

I used to fantasise about being Queen of another kind of world. And I tried to write the constitution of her government, but well....... it would have been illegal to draft such a document with out a fair discussion and vote.

So I could only draft ideas. I have no testing ability nor education of social psychology to determine of my ideas are good ones or bad ones. But ....I like them and in MY world they work....

I do believe in eye for an eye. Something equal to something same. I think that things like trials should really be personal ...if lady justice is truly blind then mercy can be given.

There is the law, and there is circumstance. There is no such thing as zero tolerance.
Nature doesn't know zero tolerance. Therefore such a standard of purity cannot exist.

I would like to say I believe in the death penalty but I am not decided. I mean how much of that choice is made according to disgust of the human being? One's repulsion to the "sin" should not be used as a measuring stick for fair punishment.

I am reminded of a line form Hannibal Lecter. He said, that we are a backward people. Neither savage nor wise. Any reasonable civilisation would have either killed him or put him to good use. And I am sure we could, he was a brilliant mind.

Imagine if Hannibal could become part of the Justice system for the criminally insane. If his payment for a job fairly and well done as a prosecutor or a judge or what ever....was the guilty?


darn it... I guess you wont be immigrating to my country now.. look that idea isn't set in stone it was just a thought. I will be happy to hear from my royal court.

I also believe that law that directly effect's the public should be voted upon by the public for and again after a six to twelve month trial run.

I think that is democratic. I believe that is a government for the people , by the people.

I was toying with an idea to stagger the election of the royal court...(Parliament, congress, group of advisers and law makers and Representatives of their states etc)

I was thinking a Monarch may reign for ten years and not exceed 3 terms. But I wanted the court to be elected every five years, but had not coinciderd if I should limit their terms. Need input ya know. It is tough trying to plot a government. Esp a fair one.

I would keep alot , if not word for word , of our American constitution. That stuff about balance of power, only triangulate it to the Monarch, the Court, and the Public.

I kinda believe in corporeal punishment.

One of my old , perhaps childish idea's, in the fantasy was instead of prisons many misdemeanors and habitual criminals would serve a term of indenture in the home of a skilled reformer. This can range from civil service like trash pick up, to being sent to a Reform or Military School. And to be shipped off to a Reformer's home.

Much like my story below, which I know needs some major editing and redraft work. I will do it when I have time.

But see the more I study my humanity the more I can understand that pain, even well poised and proper justice pain does not really work. One develops a fear of punishment, or a challenge to defy attitude.
YET, if people here raised in a society of honer and goodness then pain would serve the purpose intended.
Anyway still, a reformer need not resort to pain. He is to serve as a counselor and for behaviour modification. But not abuse.

I would enforce stricter punishment on abusers who have reformer's licenses then I would common parents who abuse.


Why a monarch you ask? Why not a president that has a ten year term? Because of pomp an circumstance maybe. The idea of nobility and nostalgia perhaps, or simple ego-vanity?
I want to imply that He or She has absolute power. Yet she may also be impeached.
I have toyed with the idea that impeachment, is for those who commit treason against the people and the penalty is death.

But could I trust a blind and television brainwashed unreading mob of our current population with that kind of power and choice?

No. This government and society are for the higher evolved.

I think if I was Queen I would treat my country like it was my beloved family. Yet I would still have the final word. And I would carefully listen and argue and accept argument and even scold and reject upon my gut feeling or judgment right or wrong.
Just like it would be in real life.

But could I trust my lazy uneducated emotional nut like myself with the decision and control of people's lives? Ahhh therefore I have an elected court.

And I think that a five year switch up of the court would give a fresh look into what ever issues I would be discussing with them. It would control the yes men as well.

I would have universal health care, defiantly. At first I think I would like my country to become self sufficient, then begin trade. Let us become stable, un-dependant and un-indebted to another.

I like what Japan did way back when. Close the borders. We have to learn to be a country.

*dang, i hope the thought police aren't going to flag me for that slice of freedom. Don't matter I only have like five revolution there*

I kinda believe in mandatory Military service. I think there should be a minimum two year enlistment of all ages 18-21. Somewhere in my old notes I drafted an enlistment plan for those with children and other mitigating factors.

I was thinking I liked the idea of the military being the police, and firemen, and paramedics.
But it sounds very fascist-like. I just like royal guards, royal forth and so on.

I think there would be prisons, I hope I never send anyone there...... maybe murders who don't rate the death penalty, or habitual rapists, or habitual law-breakers, serious crime. Ya know, like black market, loan sharks, and bad lawyers.

But these prisons would have to be inmate run. They grow food, they have to make their clothing, if they want an education, they have to go to the library. If they want to live they have to work together. But they are not trusted to live within society again.

I am not sure if I am talking about a banishment or a controlled banishment...should their be guards and counselors or just managed self sufficiency, fear pain punishment stuff. I don't know.

Sheesh I hope we immigrate in some decent human beings so I wont ever have to deal with these complications. ESP before I get me a royal court to help deliberate.

Sheesh these are hypothetical situations.....

I think I would legalise pot and also use it as a resource.

Some people might wonder about my abortion stand. That is not something that I can rule over. It simply is a person's choice. And I would rather it be a safe choice. Yet my heart is torn. I would like to recognise it as murder of a life. Perhaps one who chooses abortion should be regulated to only have one living child. Or if I wanted to be harsh, sterilize them... but I think that would be my emotions not wisdom.

Some people might like a hypothetical. How would I solve this financial crisis?

*the young Queen runs away, dragging a dusty train of blue behind her*

Season's Greetings

Happy New President's day.

I guess that was yesterday, but he doesn't actually take office until January 21. All the conspiracy bums are wiggin out.

Personally, i am not very sure that i have an opinion about it. I have some strange ideas and some strong fantasies but not knowledge of truth on the matter. Obama is welcome to be president in my book. I mean , accepting reality, it does me no earthly good to bitch about it.

All we can argue is our fears about the what ifs, and cite history for an example to prove our points. But that is all speculation and conjecture and fear and hype.

(really the truth is i am too intellectually lazy to study up on the issues, i am very busy homeschooling my son for the second grade and would rather not involve myself in any complicated issue that I could not explain to an 8 year old.)

I have adopted a non-partisan wait and see attitude, with my fingers crossed that perhaps Mister Obama could be the next Jimmy Carter. Although i cant in the living memory of me tell you why I think he was so great. My only opinion of him was biased on a Saturday night live episode.

So, I am home schooling. I might start to sound like one of those average bloggers. But I so enjoy observing his young mind work.

I am unconsciously guiding my son to think of his work observationally, scientifically. Even his reading/grammar is being worked out. When his mental gears are working he likes to discover his lesson.

HA.... they told me he was ADHD and needed pills.........he thinks like a genius. But argh... I have to agree with the school people about his stubbornness. And well, he also acted out badly. Throwing desk, screaming, ranting, riping papers, attacking kids....

freaked out... and he simply does not act like that at home. I can't afford a shrink, i dont want assholes snooping about. So, I figured I had to help him myself. The school could not take the time to figure him out. I surely could not explain him... (face it as a mother, when you try to answer for your child you can only blame...erm incriminate yourself)

So I dis-enrolled him when he got suspended. His principle was very supportive. His class invited him back the next day to give him a proper sending off.

See, he is a sweet and honest child.

He was a favorite in his class.

(oh no he's the anti christ......hush paranoia this isn't your blog tonight...anyway... So I am homeschooling him and loving it.)

I am having a hard time breaking things down for him. I get impatient with him not focusing. I am afraid I am being too much of a perfectionist. But I am so scared that I will get lazy about this.

I am intimidated by the weight of responsibility I feel to his education.

Like, How do I progress him on to writing paragraphs when I can't get him to focus well enough to discuss or develop ideas?

I worry we will move too slowly and it is hard also to adjust my ideal work schedule to his mental needs.

Argh. So much to do, I hardly have time for my other obsessions.

But look on the bright side, perhaps my own grammar and spelling will improve.

Since I was a child, I tried to organise and work thru my school books. Within the first few days of school I had already counted the chapters, and pages in each chapter, and divided them by days and weeks. I normally had 2 month reading plan to have the book finished.

But I lacked discipline and never kept to my schedule.

I compensated by collecting text books and building a library that I promise myself I will read.

How mythological.

And when I had children I vowed that I would teach them to read by the time they where three.

I compensated for that by forcing them to play school over summer break. I made little planners. I got SO impatient with them. And the desire only lasted for about two weeks.

It did not work out. Too stressful. I guess I was trying to pace them..(erm, force march them) at collegial cadence.

But skill is often born of necessity.

We are in our fifth week of homeschooling. He works best, I call him golden boy , in the afternoon. But I feel strongly about getting started early. We do math first. We are working on Multiplication and Adding at the same time.

We spent the last two weeks practicing skip counting, and I plan to work out the next 3 weeks applying that with a little "cheat sheet".

I wish that I could be so organized about his grammar.

For English/Spelling/Writing we are focusing on penmanship, sentence structure, commas, capitals, reading vowels and consonant clusters, and using context, and reading comprehension.

For History/Social Studies and Health/Science. We are casually reading thru text books.

I think I just haven't understood how to engage him. How to spark his imagination.

(slaps forehead)

Dumbass!... I need to get him flipped over to the left side. I want "analytical imagination"

He get so super wild then. That's the ADHD. He gets exciting thoughts and naturally gets hyper.

I think I need to be more flexible about how long this takes to figure out. I mean, fact...He preforms beautifully in the mid to late afternoon.
I mean we don't struggle or fight (well, barely but) ... it is pleasant and even fun.

SO why don't I start then?

*whines* but I don't wanna be doing school ALLLL DAAAAYYYY loooooong.

But he works well, therefore it goes faster.

But i wannnaa be on the computer then.

Can't you be online during a long break?

NOOOO, not if I start in the after noon. *pauses*
I mean, because I am starting so late and that means working till nearly 4 to get finished...

Perhaps, that is a good time for your daughter to get the computer.

(grumbles...i think your going to win this argument)

It appears that way.

I will give it a try for this week, see how it goes.

This afternoon I will talk it over with him.

And now to try to think of something completely different.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

What is Truth?

I want to make a movie. It will open with two people arguing the things of their latest intellectual conquest. We will call them Mr. Atheist and Mr. Christian.

Somehow they are put together in a survival situation. Let's say, a deserted island. At First the Atheist huffs and puffs...

Look what you're " GOOOOOOODDDDDDD did." Lets see if your fucking god can get us out of this one......what......whats this.your PRAYING!!!!!...........and he laughs himself into hysterics.

Then he calms down and starts raving again....

You go ahead and pray mister...i am gonna make a signal fire.

Mr. Christian gets up and helps gather the wood and they remember how to make fire, eventually.

When once the juices where flowing the story will go .....i could see this movie with them having various battles of wit about whether or not the man's prayer, lead to the result of their survival, or whether it was the logical action of the other man. And do forth and so on.

We will notice how serendipity seems to be in favor of the chrisitan sometimes.....such as he thinks of verses from the bible that grant him insight into problems they are both working on. And other situations where Mr. Atheist quotes a scientist and works out the next logical step.

They have many rousing conversations about whether or not god was playing both sides.

Then they would talk about morals.........

They decide certain things. Such as ....well they agree on the basic five commandments....yes the biblical ones such as man to man decency.

They decide that what the IDEA is in the bible is to attain merits of compassion and knowledge in peaceful ways. WE all pretend our god is omni-good because we would like to ultimately be Good.

of course, they agree that people also crave to be bad.

After arguing about other people's conclusions concerning the problem of evil, they agree that their is a certin reality that we cannot seem to not be bad. No matter how strong we wish we could be many times our desires, wants, and strong emotions get the better of us.

Mr. Chrisitan calls it sin; Mr. Atheist calls it ........ well i think, he doesn't want to call it anything.

Anyhow.... at the very end of the movie there would be a very possibly tragic exciting situation
and they dont know how to get out of it. One prays for god to tell him information, One calculates his surroundings , simultaneously they blurt out the answer.

(psst to the director...pan away and jsut use the voices ...the thoughts of the men. Make it the Atheist's voice praying. muwahh haa haaa haa)

They then realise that truth presents itself. If either side was following their truths to discover more truth and where seeking the better of themselves to promote, the result every time will be means to truth. Both sides would eventually and always arrive at correct action.

is it god? Does that even really matter?

For me it is the holy of holy gods, and it operates in many ways.

what matters is to arrive at truth, grow in our better reaction to the responsibility of knowledge.

If the atheist was right, then he expects the christian to naturally arrive at the truth of what he says. The Christian also thinks in such absolutes. But Correctness is fluid. God is consciousness.

He sure could make this world a sinless place if we would focus ourselves in that direction, regardless of silly intellectual and entertaining mind games we'd prefer to engage in.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

They're Here

howdy humans,

(((this is a response in a thread about the October 14, 15, 16 possible Galactic Federation of Light Space Ship appearance. and or Project Blue Beam)))))

no i wasn't being sarcastic.

Just, i have a few opinions about this that may appear to be negative or skeptical. First off; the amount of people who are "believing" in this thing, I'll call the Big Love....many of them are still far removed from the simplicity of responding to life and think in terms of a thing to be had, gotten, lacking hither too. But which is merely ignored. Our minds always busy with "more important things". The Big Love unity thingamigger we have always craved and have already tried to bolster fervent hope for and have always even blatantly LIED to seemingly achieve was never farther form us than attention. Simple careful observation and responding in love to the moment of this life. How many butterflies crossed your car on the way home today? Did you care to notice the tone of your child's voice when he expressed himself? Not so much to plan on noticing this image your now holding in your mind called "life happening" but to hush and let life move you. Not with reckless abandon and certainly not with false hopes for a special arrival of Big Love.

It was never out of the limit of your perception, you simply have been ignoring it. And i don't mean for you to start imagining anything, but to notice and respond to the more important thing and love it. if you can, throw out any kind of negative thought for a space of time notice silence. notice and observe, life has rhythm, life itself no matter who you are has meaning unto yourself. each cloud you see, you see with your own eyes. But see....

This kind of message is not well received. the mind suddenly says what about law, what about evil? See , some times i wonder if even Big Love is able to help human kind. Does he have the power? The few good souls among ourselves are often the ridicule of our society. And many of us are merely reminiscing something wonder we seldom get to experience, and spent the rest of our time pursuing that someplace. But when we find it, remember that is was there just a Minute ago also. It is the time of life. Why you humans need aliens to teach you this stuff is pretty silly. The simple fact is , apparently human beings don't care about goodness honer, integrity, compassion, not murdering. If anything good comes from this false hope in Alien Saviours, let us take from it the understanding that we have the power over ourselves, and the intelligence to put good men as rulers, and to be self aware and thoughtful in our actions regardless of external help. But still, maybe we need a break in the cycle of our evil, an intervention. It would be nice if there come beings capable of correcting all of us.

I mean right this min a greasy American is buying the services of a three year old child. And our only available method for defending her is angry violence, because he simply realises that, that gut wrenching personal disgust for the person he allowed himself to become and the notion that it is a terrible and vile thing he likes to do, really has no power over him. But the guilt fear condemnation and shame clearly do have power over him. And he forgets, love and many other things.

therefore DOES BIG LOVE have the power to make us desire truth? What is our human response to thing we do not understand and ultimatums? typically fear and violence . And any kind of sighting will provoke the same. "Big love mandated" is a threat to the comforts of many.... it would take years of careful instruction just to get the human race to understand..or better still remember the enjoyment and respect for life, the worship and adoration of truth........the very words sound powerless and empty.

Listen to the crickets, they will tell you everything.
oh yeah and it could be the government...see you in the interment camps....To serve man ... and Big Love does not mean naivety, false hope, or blind allegiance.

a cool new word salad, follow the link

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Trying on my Tin Foil hat

Conspiracy Theories.

The very words invoke a ridicule and images of kooks. Have you ever wondered how stereotypes get invented? Yes it is All a plot.

Now, i realise that these theories are made to appear incredulous because their paranoia's are mixed in with a little personal interpretation, and god pointing. I mean all religions with a holy book that tells a story of the end of days will link up dubious facts and questions with the logic of their spiritual world view. Naturally.

But some questions bear more than the raised eyebrow of sanity suspicion. Such as Why do World leaders often flash the horns symbol? Do they like Metallica? Are they punk rockers or pot heads? Oh it IS are part of the Bohemian group? Ok.

SO hum, why is it that lots of cartoons have sexual sublimation? It is because some guy thought it would be funny? Oh ha ha you where watching a cock. heh eh ehehee he said cock. Please.

Is it because the public demands it. We asked for all our TV shows to be about murder, crime, breaking out of prison, and infidelity? We just got bored with heart warming tales of people doing right and making a better world? We got tired of the dull drum of peaceful solutions and spiritual unity and the magic of nature?

What about these pyramids all over the world and obelisks? Is it because we just think Egyptians where cool?

i kinda have to believe in the theory that architecture channels energy. And that there is a tight network of individuals snailing their way to world domination.

Of course i don't believe they intend to preform it as the theories and "proofs" THEY LEAKED OUT, may suggest. Come on that would be too easy.

How better to make themselves and the belief in them disappear than to simply change the plan?
But some things wont change.

I am reminded that there is so much twisting of truths, and maraging of facts, and distractions from things noble in this world. We are dominated by it. No matter who the group is, or the mangled combination of well meaning others. The fact is ........ perhaps we are the conspiracy?

Locked in it and deceived by it. I can believe that *it* wants to divert us from spiritual pursuits. It wants for us to fight over rules and theologies thousands of year corrupt and interloped with selfish desire. I can believe the Bible when it tells me that our enemies are not flesh and blood, and that our warfare is not of this world.

Our Revolution is NOT one of violence. Our power is not of fear. What our weapons are, any evil certainly does not want around itself.

But sadly that evil is capable of convincing us that these weapons are useless, out dated, uncool, namby pamby, and certainly not of any physical value.

BUT then they are not physical...... hummm

What if a few of us work to free our minds, find and refine our ability to have compassionate awareness of others. What if we honed love, and blessing and just when that notion swells up inside us......we sent it outward....we became a conduit and spread all our good feelings out and our spiritual wishes out... like a ripple to others.

What if when we pray, and when we think we have touched our father, that we begged him to be holy, wise, and to love us.........and that the highest wordily pleasure we should ever crave would be plenty for all, love peace...............

AW CRAP! did not work in the 60's it sure as hell wont work now.

why is this?

where are the good guys?

Have you ever considered that all we have ever known is evil and corruption?

IF not for my will, you have no power over me.
You may take only what you can have, but my will is not given.
If you cut out my brain, i have still won, as my consent was never yours.
Perhaps that is enough for you. to have and to take.
But how will you deal when he that lets , has from you?

now i lay me down from wake,
i pray the lord my soul to take,
should i make it thru the night,
lord have mercy in our plight.

Ask she who smiles precariously aware
meaning, intent, her eyes barely there
and with her meaningful intent
she cryies until her soul is spent.
and never to be
before she seems
comes and goes
her whispering dreams.

psssst............shhhh the TV is watching you.........

Friday, September 12, 2008

Spiritaul Mediums

Have you ever met a person with spiritaul giudes?

Some of these people are super flakey. Some seem to be too dependant on their guides for information.

I am gonna try and delve in to what i believe the mental mechanics are for this phenomona of channeling and having a spirit guide. What i see in others, some critiques ect.

But first i kinda want to do some bitching.....(no kidding) some ego centered childish gripeing about the way some people with spirit guides behave.

See, ill make a confession, i have a spirit guide. I got two of them. They got names and everything. But they are super strict.

Or maybe the right word is narrow. I mean they can be concidered quite liberal, yet there really is only one way to do a thing.

But they dont let me dress all flackey and act spooky, i dont have to carry a tarot bag to ward of the hebee jeebees. MY GUIDES......dont even let me tell anyone all the groovy shit they teach me.

I know they got their reasons. Most of which have to do with my guides ultimate desire that i be a free independant being.

Nothing mystical about that.........i am simply trying to learn how to live and to find what is true and real. My guides long ago stopped letting me channel or be possessed by them. They stoped all their chatter about dementions and worlds and other fantacies. Because i started asking questions back, and wanted to learn to understand for myself.

But they wont let me flagrantly babble that stuff. Because it all sounds like psycho babble.

It really is just psycho babble. My guides try to keep things real, and find something worth believing in.

But these other kinds of mystical channelers...........its all so kindergarten. remedial....WHAT are these people doing with *followers*....

This one girl....

She doesnt know anything on her own. She does not seem to be discovering anything. It is always some other guide speaking information thru her. Information not addressed to her or about her. But information broad and monotonious.

Now i have read some bits about her that say she and her followers scocialize in the evenings as a group and periodically one of her Guides will pop by for a visit.

*chuckles to self*

I remember doing that. Once when i was meeting new pagens i asked that Lanel go and meet them thru me. She did it. She got her self locked in for a while.

I do realise that my terms may need defineing. Locked in is what i used to call when the spirit pops by for a visit and cant leave untill the energy disipates. Sometimes a spirit can indeed pop by for just a moment, but other times perhaps when it antisipates having to stay a while it uses too much energy to pop by and cant leave untill that energy is used.

(yeah that was psycho babble.... i havent started to deal with the psychology yet so be paitient)

Any way Lanel did not like being stuck. And that was the last time she would be channeled by me. She told me that i had to learn to do the task of psychically screening people on my own.

With James it was always different. He would not pop in but would hover near, external energy he was able to come and go. I dont recall ever hearing him say he was stuck. But he normally only gave instructions while i learned.

Once, well this story is long.... ( arent they all) and it was the last time James assisted me with something.

I had just fallen in love with my husband. And i wanted to * do a spell* on some dolls so that we could each have one and it would make us feel together while we where apart, when we looked at the doll.

So i asked Lanel to give me the how to with the spell. And she explained how to do it, telling me esp not to break the circle of his and my legs during the spell.

(erm.. we where to sit infront of each other either cross legged or with out legs lapps over the others with the dolls and stuff in the circle.)

SO anyway He and I were planning on trying it out that weekend. He was aimeable to the whole freaky spiritaul girl friend thing i guess.

The evening was over shadowed with storm clouds... my psychic juices where charged up. We did most of the spell but...we got up before it was done. I forget what we got up for.......

Somewhere around that moment i felt as if i was being called out side. The feeling said "walk" and i could feel the direction pulling at me. But it was raining, i had only a slip on, and what about the spell ...all these excuses, so i did not walk. When i closed the door........i was *attacked*

There were like five dead guys outside my window, I called out to James.

He was not happy because he was opposed to me doing magic at that time. And pretty much told me i had to block them out myself. It was a struggle but...opps i forgot what he said.....he said that he didnt have the power to fight them, he was a lessor level than Lanel and Lanel had expended all her energy when she gave me the instructions for the spell. Which i had prefromed incorrectly, so he told me how to send them back and how to shut down my mind form letting them in....and i had to cover the dolls with black cloth and make all that spell energy go away too.

The next morning, i did go awalkin. Here's is what i found. That weekend had been memorial day. And someone trashed the graveyard across the main road that was near our motel. This was straight ahead the direction i had been called toward.

There was a fresh grave of a vetrin and several other vets with their flags toppled, and beer glass everywhere. Perhaps i had not been attacked but the angry spirits here felt the psychic energy and came and sought help.

What ever. My husband and I cleaned up the grave yard for the Men.

I only have a small handfull of theses stories. Though i spent years and do spend years more with these entities, the excitement is kept to a bare minimum.

Maybe i grew out of the need for the drama. Maybe my guides got old with me. Which stands to reason, cicidering that my *guides* are merely expernalised amalgamations of my finer personal qualities.

After a while i did not want the *old relationship*.

But some of these medium people havent a single thought about who THEY are. Or for that matter who is the person that stares up adoringly at them, hanging on to their every word...and learning nothing.

What good is this channeler and mystic if something is not rubbing off .......if you are not growing in liberation and discovery? If you have people just absorbing your crap and not learning independantly, then how would you know wether or not what you are teaching is bullshit? How could you know if it bears up under the scruteny of who would learn it from you? I am interested in truth and workable hypothosi, isnt everyone concerned with that?

Her teachings would be worthless if she is not. Well the perticular person i am useing as my straw man does not even teach anything. She just verbally meanders thru dictated information and answers no questions. But i guess that isjust what it is like when she is *doing an interveiw*

My guides are not interested in having their oppionions made public truth. Besides most anything they have said to me have been contructs that i myself have picked up along the way of my spiritaul seeking and therefore not new or original anyway.

Just like her shit.

I am hardly even able to do anything with as much vigour for a camera or an audence that i can to all by myself. Holy SHIT.... i am ever so thankfull to god almighty that i can even write. Here , is my medium for self expression and being myself and that well.

Oh man.i can dance....i know i can.....i raise up so much energy and vibration when i move...........but dang nab it.........i just cant do it when somebody is looking. Of course this could merely be a case of *singing in the shower syndrome*, and the truth may very well be that i just SUCK at anything i would want to show myself off doing. But these freaky mediums, why they can flop all over the place for you. But my fucking guides wait untill they have me in private for the good shit.

And it took years for me to learn how to *channel* this into writeing. Long hours of training just to get to hear these thoughts slow enough to even put letters on them.

I am grateful.... even if i seem the fool sometimes.

And even here, i dont get to *write magic* every time.

(reconciders, is it this place or the other one I like better.....doesnt matter just happy.....sometimes critical thought just ruins the magic)

oh ... the psychology i precieve that goes on when ready for that.

ok... what is her delusion?


What is with this kid? Does she belive these are interdementional beings? ALL of the dead of all time just itching to visit you? They ALL got something super important to say?

Girl that is WAY too busy. Too many teachers not enough student left to learn.

How come when you are *cognisent* of being yourself, you are such a meak and weak person? Do you always need a Guide to do your pontificateing? How come your guides dont teach you what to teach others, and well.........there are jsut so many questions.............many of them spiritaully redundant.

It is just i cant accept you. You are not an athority, you are not passing anyhting on that will strengthen your followers.

You merely have their worship.

Me and my guides want more.

Shit child if i was to tell you how many wyas you are fucking up, it would back fire and you would learn to become even more diabolical, and less yourself..........even less of your being actualy enjoying the life of your self-honesty.

And more the ego created by the thrall of having these beings share your space.
and the ego of self importance that coems with having the mindless cater to everything you say.

Like EW.

look sometimes you have to shut down. sometimes you have to shut up all instruction. I sure hope she does.

Maybe she does this medium stuff for attention. I was young once.. it was fun. But it had to stop before it controled me.

well thats it for now.

izm (ps yeah i know i jsut didnt have the time to try to psychoannalise this...maybe let's leave that up to the commented questions center on what is the brain there cognitive dissonence involved, how much is out and out lieing, and how common are the experiences of those people who claim spirit guides, Is there a meglo mania it the person's or the spirit's (that being the part of the person that they have to become in order to express because of their own self esteem issues)............sheesh lots of ideas for the topicing.....

*chirp chirp*