Friday, December 31, 2010
I feel fortunate to beable to have quality time on new years eve.
For christmas i bought myself the V first season. And am excited about jan 4's premier.
I have filled out an application for college. There is a cirtian matter i wish to discuss outloud concerning a "tudor" i have not mustered the balls to ask critical or bisiness questions....i wonder paranoidedly...
and need to get my space organised. see many things have happened lately.
I had an affair for about four times over six weeks. An outrageous one by my ex's estimation, not only was he a "bum with no car" he was a BLACK bum with no car.....oh gawd, he thought he showed me better in life.and *puts on dumb man ranging voice* i am a total jerk to you now and only ......
I would not suggest letting that happen again. Type freely or you can't do this.
*snickers.......i am trying differnt stuff out to improve my ability to write kehshathria. Need to try to play my game ...characterize myself and also be the real me.....
haaa that reminds me of a thing i can put up it is a thing called "identiy"
and i am staring now to see my new me. if you will i can present it as fiction but conveiy the emotion...otherwise i am afraid i would sound like a nut that talks to herself. and worse if i try to explain. If i am schizoid, fractured what ever... i enjoy my life. and i harm none...and if i do...i seek amends.
justine....i belive you avoided the topic entirely...who are you justifying yourself to?
me....the scarey them guys.
*alterself sighs as if to start a very worn lecture*...stop talking to other and be.
*** justine again*...
hum i bet that style of writeing would be too confusing for the reader...anyone agree? But i w....oh i am so not ready to blog yet...bbl. oh and happy new year....
*sips more mojito..seriouslly...minty beer....*
we three us's
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Ok so i got THIS MANAGER....*snickers* Now, it is seldom my habit to get personal with individaul persons here in my "blog space" But this fresh from college anthoritarian wannabe, nevermind the little hypens general manager is pulling ye olde "Grant and withold" maneuver on poor little ole me who had foolishly confessed to having a great pride and sence of perfectionism about my work when he gave some seemlingly sencier geniune praise.
BUT the rub lieth in this, that his praises while lofty where also equle in dread when he yanks away thatand beats me arousn with the *why cant you keep up with the stndards* speech all brainwashed managers must get you to bend over and fuck your humanity with.
This manager is like a E-4, coorperil , or younge sargent jsut out of leadership school,. but this man is not a true leader, already i am cunning out his weakness's
He does not have the respect of his men, he is a rules rapist, whats more he stand sbeing "athority" and would rather have his men happy shiney cowering ravenious little robots
This fool, how i dispise how i am precieving his character. it is so ..... *shudder* perhaps ther eis something i want to learn about dealign with *that KIND* of personality.
Wouldnt a buddha type live peacibly unaffected by his lords mean, only following his dharma or his tao. But i kinda want a vengnce of a sort.
wouldnt a perfect servent lead their Masters? Even the un ruly and foolish Masters.
Is that what the Salad ninja does? but
I i really HATE this guy....
Do you? what about love the sinner hate the sin, dont belive pre-historic advice anymore?
So, i been thinking, i would like to try my hand at live comedy sometime before i die.
It is totally like the perefect plan. *cough illusion* i mean...it is work i can do into my old age. Many good comedians make a full and wealthy career off the same jokes or decades.i could make more money than my ex-husband, and travel........that ex will constantly berate me with negitives no matter what. *dons grumpy unintelligent that man voice*
uhhh i dont know who you enemies are. "my friends" or "people" tell me blah
oh ha ha you gave a guy a ride home..you'll fall for anything....your easilly taken advantage of.... when you need money call me...
*eyes glaze over from manipulation*
gawd i hate humans.
but in this case i am truely tempted to play back to my manager. But i must be covert.
I simply cant shout Jahvol mien heir.
but he certenly seem to come form a ego place that seems to threaten if you dont treat me right i have the athority to fire you and as you can see i am a nit picky motherfucking assholethat never directly fires you.. naaaa i get more fun makeing you cry and lose your cool .you will umm "fire yourself"
YOU MOTHER FUCKER! you manipulative liar i think i OUGHT to do battle with you.
It is never about you mangaeing me it is about ME mastering this job.
This cannot be done in 3 mothns.and less than teop since you came to micromanage the crew.
You add to me "bring fresh clean dishes to the bar while trying to fill up the 46 things to over flowing while chopping and replaceing suplies, being pleasent and curtieous with the customers while interrupting their progress to continue my deuties cleaning it to *SPEC* to maintain the Ruby Teusday image.......
I dont have time for dishes. sheesh. SPEC. you mother fucker i think spec exists in yoru head, i never saw that manaul...if i get an additude can you show me the manaul so i can Read fo rmyself what the standards are?
One day you praise me that i am a worker who likes to figure things out and the very next off day you punish me as if i have been on the verge of being fired for incompitence.
And i had been foolish enough to trust your sincerity, and to take the little candy bar you brainwashed trained idiot follower. ZIEG HEIL motherfuker.
I want to show you. but what.
part of me wants to be so subtle withmy perfect obedience i can make a mockery of his mircomanaging by following his illlogic.
or i cna be something like that by makeing him rediculous because inorder for me to maintain his idea i should have to get an egg timer and set it to go every fifteen miniutes.
would he concider this showing initiaive? or should he be embarrassed the more systematically i turn myself into a contradiction of genuine customer care..
How many times might i intice a costomer to praise me to his face? I already recive a few kudos..how dare he INSULT ME with his scolding.
anyway,,,see i got anger...
Gee wiss Mistress i will never be a zen master now.
" then be a zen servent"
I realised that i havent brought up the true spring of my ire. My anger is notall about any precieved insult to myself. But there is an old lady who has been workign there a long long time. She has gone on a month of vacation to settle land in greece, when she comes back, will he pull his micro managment on her? She will speak back, and will he apply the thumb screws to force her to quit her only income? I cant abide that game, it is lower than sophmoric, he is an ambitious child.
But let me back off my rage, seeing as how he IS a rules rapist he will ever appear to be "only expecting reasonable things" i mean really......there are places where i could become more conscientious but he undermines and calls it motivation.
Having lived in an manipulative marriage and goign thru a manipulative divorce, i am sick and tired of giveing way my freedom to be "reasonable" esp where human decency is concerned.
Sick and tired of people telling me i am not good enough because i am not perfect in my "compliance". That Manager has already turned a potintially good furture manager into a shiney happy butt monkey. He has his butt monkey say engouraging things and appear as an up beat and motivated shiney training video employee... but that "encouragement" is phoney. Then that manager took time to praise his BM in front of me about how BM was shineing like a "superstar" (for helping me load up the salad bar once during rush).
I feel i need to make annonymous complaints to cooperate. i will remember that these manager types never stay long, i merely need to out last him.
Now if only i could get myself to be a Ninja Butt Monkey and still respect myself in the morning.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
I went to my room early that night, and decided to write about the things i have been thinking. It is raining, and it was a little too quiet this evening in the living room. Her Majesty Queen Lanel has just announced that they are sending my Father's unit to the war zone. I am in dread for the future.
My Father is a Top Sargent Lord in Her Majesty's Service, and trained in strategic missions. My throat hardens and hand quivers as I calculate his chances this time.
If he... be-because I am still in custody, Madam was heartbroken to inform, She would become a ward of state and put into a Reform home until I am released. I am aghast with horror. Be-because I just wouldn't get with the program and obey my father, suck it up for a few more years, get strong ...then..then... i am a fuck up. I ruined my life, oh god I ruined her life.
I am a shame, and ill never be able to let my father know... I wi-will...never get to show him I that could be anything different to him but a lost cause.
I stepped away form my desk, and paced. I didn't like those dirty rugs anymore so I took scissors and shred them, and pulled down the curtains, turned the mattress and suddenly Madam had my wrists... it was three in the morning how did she hear me? She sat me down on my bed and pulled a chair over and sat beside me. "Your self pity would wake the dead, who can sleep through it. I came up here to help you and saw you throwing a fit. This will be stopped."
"Self pity!.. I am mourning my dad!" She nodded negatively. "Honestly Diana, is THIS how you want to remember your father? With is ever judgmental disapproval over you. His dieing breath Echoing 'why was my little girl such a looser.. loosserrr... loooooooossssssssserrrrrrrrr'....so you can cry yourself into motivation?" I was in stitches. oh my farkin gawd. Hum, that's George's word.... I realised I had been thinking instead of speaking.
"Diana, what about this fit? Is this any way to act? If you want to redecorate you need to do it organised. And you won't throw any more little tantrums like this again."
I noticed the tone in her voice changed and my nerves began to tense, my eyes found her's and I saw their color changed and my legs twisted in closer."I I w-wont Madam, I just lost...u-um i got worked up, I am ok now, let me clean the room up, please." She sat straighter. " Yes I believe you will be ok for now. But this is personal. You violated my things, as well as my sleep, And this is rude.
Not only will you re-do this entire room by hand, to include sanding and staining the floor, you will also lower your pants and come over my knees, now." And my guts became stone. The rain drops pounded against my window, and the air chilled. " You said I.. I had freedom to discuss... we aren't in the basement, M-Madam." Her eyebrow quivered but she was not retreating, I could tell.
"If you have a better suggestion, something equal to the pain and humiliation and lesson that this will do for you. Or if you can convince me by reason that this is unnecessary, because you have learned something, or understood the principle during the lecture that makes spanking unjustified violence. Then you may argue. But if you are only going to plead, or insult you had better reconsider, Diana. Take a moment and then chose your answer."
After reviewing myself, and my actions, feeling shame for something I could not put my words on.... then my mind went blank and I only knew I didn't want this. How about... stand in the corner for a long long time? She nodded negative as I thought and reminded me that my time was to be spend re-furbishing the room.
So I complied with her ridiculously childish order. And stayed reluctantly compliant through an eternal thrashing. I counted...it was the only way to stay alive..... 200 farkin swats.............She murdered me!......
She turned off my light as I retreated into bed saying. "Premature Regret" and disappeared into the darkness.
Tonight it was my own memories that kept me awake. George didn't come in to let me know if he was ok, he barely made it to his room. I listened to the noise of the house my senses ultra sensitizing when the basement door closed softly, and lights clicked off, and steps ascended the stair...."He'll live, Jerry" said the lady from the first room. But I wasn't going to sleep. I went outside several times to smoke, and finally ended up waking when Ms Carol got in the passenger side, and offered me a pack of smokes, and lit herself one as well.
"I didn't know you smoked. " I yawned impersonally.
She smiled . "You don't know allot of things about me, I like you, limit myself to certin areas to smoke, and I do not let the addiction tell me when it is time."
"I don't know if that's possible Mistress, I simply go nuts if I cant get a smoke at least every couple hours." She had an amused gleam in her eye, causing me to defend myself."That's no licence... don't need a reformer's help with that little liberty."
"No I wasn't thinking of forbidding anything of yours. It is just curious to me why people insist that they are powerless to themselves. " I also gave her a quizzical gleam. "You can suppose that you have utter self control, Mistress. or that you are pure logic, can you? Cause it is impossible you know."
"Perhaps in accepting imperfection we realise we are that." I spurt out just as she finished. "Ah see we are but we are ignorant, always limited." She thought a long moment and then laughed."What's in these cigarettes?" "I don't know, you gave them to me."
"Yes true. And should you decide that you require a lesson in addiction management, I'll be on call." Her cheshired smirk unnerved me, as it cut through me like prophecy. I studied her down hard, and she sat back and smiled.
"Master Rob taught me to occupy myself and resist my temptations. To think of my responsibilities and what not. "
"Yes but he did not teach you how to overcome the impulse to obey addiction. Just methods to ignore it. The wall that you built up never allows you to pass, and it holds back a great load of fear to err. But not temptation."
"You claim you have mastered temptation?" I grinned incredulously. She shyly smiled. "You are making the claims, I have not mastered everything. It is impossible, as you know."
"And with that, good morning Mistress, I could use some coffee if you please... follow me to the kitchen." I got out of my car gallantly and opened her door.
I don't know exactly why I lost my anger and worry I just knew that Mistress Carol had carefully handled George, and I felt a faithful respect to her.
I made coffee and breakfast this morning, and George joined us on time for serving.
I had my back turned to the stove when I heard Diana giggle, when I saw him with a white cloth tied over his mouth silently mocking her. "I guess this means we can finally watch tv in peace at night." I joked. "Oh yeah." She chimed back." and no more teasing me with your stories." He gave her a very expressioned "oh yeah" look and started to curl the bottom of his shirt in his fingers in preparation for lifting..but suddenly jerked halt and dropped to his knees. Carol had stepped in from the back kitchen/dinning room door. We knelt and bounded back quickly, and Carol made her way over to George who stayed down."George, we discussed this. No plotting." His eyes where apologetic and tilted his head and then lowered it, and she stepped back from him and causally smelt the food and refilled her cup. I was shocked, Diana shrugged with a roll of her eyes and continued setting the table, George got up and worked with her.
"I sure don't get you, Mistress." She smiled. "You don't really understand the breaking Ritual, Do you? " I thoughtfully continued putting food into serving bowls to carry out. " Well, I know it is about surrender. And It's violent. And about facing reality. But that's it." She took a few platters and we started to the dinning room. She said "Surrender is the first principle of Wisdom."
And we ate, and conversed about general things, and make jokes at George's expense.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
She threw me to the basement floor. "Anything you want from me , you take." I promise her as I begin to clamor to my feet."Yes, and i intend to take from you a choice. What is my Name?" Barely standing I took a lunge to her midsection grunting "Fucking Bitch". Before I could make contact she gracefully swung her hip back and I face-palmed the cement , then her heel ground into my spine.
"Yes, true. But not any of the names you are to chose from."
She wrenched me to my feet and walked me backward into the whipping post.
'wait a min... i am facing the wrong way...' my restrained arms tense with certain realisation, when she locked her coal glare on me. My head sinks back into the post, then whispers oh holy fuck.... as if a prayer to get me outta this.
She moved savagely, and whipped the virgin flesh of my chest and stomach with a cat of nines. At first I raged and promised to hurt her, then I began to bargain and retracted myself, then I begged and pleaded, then I fell into surrender, and absorbed her blows with out thinking anymore. And she stopped, cleaned her tool, and returned it to the armour next to us. And sat at her desk, leaving me to wait while she smoked a cigarette in her thunderous silence.
"Are you going to come and sit in this chair so we can talk properly, or do I continue?" I grunt my compliance, she releases me and ever so slowly make my way to the desk. After she sits facing me our conversation begins.
"Please Explain to me how it is the you think you are reformed?"
My mind stirred from the smog, racing to find evidence of my changed ...but I kept stammering there... "it was cause I love Sam... Ill be good because I love Sam but then they kept me in."
"I think your rage is because things did not go as you wished. George Wisenbugh Does not like it when he is out of control. But can you even really sit there and tell me that you wouldn't or haven't broken any laws since Sam? In your anger with the system,You violated the minds of 2 others reformers, can you even be trusted to restrain your insanity because of love?"
"It's been known to happen, mastermistressmadamormaam. For the relationship a person would give up large tracks of themselves."
"Yes true. And their LIVING partner likewise suppresses a multitude of self , and they fill each other's void. Most often in Fairy Stories George. But what you have going on... they write about in Horrors. Your love cannot fill any void except fantasy. And even that, is unsatisfying. Part of you knows very well , George, that the spirit of Sam you so cherish, you have shamed again and again."
I am crushed...I begin to feel violent and then I went back into surrender, and absorbed her reason... and then I felt pain, self disgust, fear.....hurt, I broke tearfully. "what am I then, just a criminal?"
"You are a man, George, possessed of talents and skills that are very valuable to the State." She stated flatly. I was intrigued, and open. She smiled tauntingly when I asked her what was valuable about me?
"First I , as Reformer, secure your respect and honer of my teaching. Then I can guide you to freedom."
"Tell me what I can do that's so valuable?"
"Who knows the system and the people with in it, and the letter of the law better then George Wiesnburg?
I sat back weighting my options, my body was a flame of crimson lashes, and I suddenly didn't want to battle wills anymore. I had to concede my errors and loss.
"How do I show you my honer, MasterMadamMistressOrMaam? My respect is not for free."
"Nor is mine, What is my name, George?" I steel my eyes to hers and deliberately pronounce "Reformer." She drew on side of her lips into a crooked smile..."Acceptable. To prove your integrity you will give up your privilege of speech. I want you to observe, meditate, and find that quiet place in your mind as well. No plotting, No rebellion, just watch and evaluate. When you have figured out your valuable purpose in life, I will restore the right of speech to you.
"But until then..." She continued turning her smile back into her evil coy one." Because you are being punished for interrupting me in your bedroom, you will ware this cloth over your mouth. Only move it for eating and hygiene form here on out, do you comply?"
"Yes Reformer." and Bowed my head, as she tied it on, and dismissed me.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
When I got into the kitchen Madam Carol was already there, and had most of the breakfast cooking. I knelt hastily with a roll of my eyes. "What did I mess up this time, Madam?" She set the mixing bowl down, saying the only thing I have done incorrectly is expect myself to fail. "Madam, I don't believe that it is my methods that keep getting me in trouble." Handing me coffee and inviting me to sit at the table while she talked and finished cooking.
"Diana, it is not because of your errors that you have been punished lately, but because of your lack of adaption, and all ways being in a stressed perfectionist state of mind that causes you to lash out every time I point out mistakes, or make corrections to you. I thought you understood that?"
"I knew it was about my attitude Madam, but I figured if I didn't make the mistakes you wouldn't have anything to say to me."
"Oh , that is impossible, Diana, I can find flaws even in my own workmanship. I don't come in here to pick on you, but to see if you have learned to deal with your disorganised thinking. What good is my reformation if all you managed to get out of your stay here is how to make fewer mistakes and getting snotty about it?"
"Maybe I am being snotty because I am sick and tired of being whipped and don't even think of spanked... perhaps Madam could change her favorite thing so I would not be as stressed out over failure?" I spoke with conviction. She smiled casually and pulled out the biscuits. Telling me that she had been considering more suitable discipline for me since yesterday and decided that I would take up knitting.
By then the boys where shuffle-kneel-shuffling in robotically serving coffee and setting the kitchen dinning table as Madam Carol began to pull the food off the stove. And that was the beginning of Saturday.
Ah Saturdays, the reformer's preachin day. Day you can say whatever you feel like saying day you might just get trapped into her warped way of thinking. I have never met a reformer that will explain the reason behind every move, what ever the question, if you are so daring to ask it...but there is a darkside.
I was the owner of the darkside today. Jerry had the quizzical twist on his face and he said to the reformer in the living room. "I don't get you Mistress. There are different rules for each of us."
"No, there are different situations for each of you, still only three rules. My reformation is biased on individual refinements." She answered.
"Naturally but to whose end? What interest do you serve? Do you want to mold us into what you think the right framework is?"
"My framework is set for myself. My job is to teach each of you to respect freedom, and be your own guides."
" Huh! be our own guides? I was doing fine until they kept me in the farkin system." I spewed.
"George, did it ever occur to you that the state kept you in the system because you weren"t reformed?"
"You have my File, MasterMadamMistressorMaam, you can read the comments yourself."
"What I read were the all too perfect vision of reformation. What i saw was that you mistake devotion to love as freedom in law. Oh yes, I know you hate me George, but i will only tell you the truth." My eyes burned against her, and then i was suddenly very calm. "The State did not say that, they don't care about who I am but that i don't pose a threat to others. I wouldn't want you, MasterMadamMistreessorMaam, to confuse spiritual virtues with State Regulated Prison Reform." The reformers irises flexed." We shall see, won't we? DO you not think a psychologist and counselor as well as the parole board scrutinized your forgeries and compared them to Mistress Samantha's over all records? Could you have been so pristinely through during your smittenhood to have been consistent and reasonable with Her personality and bear to keep out your rebellious bragging?" My throat hardened and I went to my room for the rest of the day.
I didn't know what to say after George left. Diana and Mistress Carol started to figure out the knitting and I watched TV.
Every now and again going out to my car to smoke. I am angry about what Ms.C said to Him. She hit him where he lives, and there'll be the devil to pay. A little while later and I heard a commotion in the house, running in and having to kneel immediately because MsCarol had ahold of George by the ear and his arm twisted up behind him, forcing him downstairs with her. Diana was watching stunned form the couch with her yarn hanging through her fingers.
After they had disappeared in to the silence down stairs, she explained that George knocked something down in his room and was yelling, Carol had looked to the ceiling and in a normal voice told him to come down stairs. She didn't think George would be able to hear her but when he screamed out "you want me come and get me, bitch."
I pulled at my hair in my worry for George. I knew this was gonna happen, Diana sat next to me. "What's the matter? She's only gonna whip him again. You didn't freak out like this before."
"She's not gonna whip him Diana, she's going to break him. He pushes all his reformers to try. "
"Break him? Make him obey, change his spirit?"
"More or less. It is a ritual, a battle of wills, the dominant overcomes the rebellion. These things can take days, minutes, pain or no pain. Interrogation, Torture, what ever it takes to get the Reformee to take a cold hard look at his life and and understand himself, and respect the Reformer."
"Do they always end in respect? what if the person just doesn't break?"
"I don't know Diana, George is the only one I ever met who might be unbreakable."
"George? Is he insane? Criminal?" she asked with wide eyes.
"George does mean well, he just got himself twisted after life disappointed him."
"First his little thrills when he got over on someone, when he could control or manipulate a situation. This turned into more challenging tricks, such as the auto theft. Then after MsSam, he had no respect for the law at all. " I stared into blank air. Diana worried herself back into her knitting. When I tired of staring i tried to watch tv, but all the dialogue seemed to tell me what was going on down stairs , so i shut it off went to bed and waited for George to be sent back to his room three hours later.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Tonight I retired early, my mind was exhausted and my dreams, as they have been for the past three days, belonged to Spirit of the house. He told me of his love for Carol. He let me see her as he did. Now as I doze again to dream......
On the first day of Political Civics class, after the constitutions where handed out, I stood up with a commanding aire. Some students nervously straightened, some didn't , one shouldn't have. My mind habitually scanning each child for questions while I had them take turns reading it out loud. When they heard a piece and someone had a question, we turned to group discussion. I asked their opinion and whether or not it seems congruent with what they have already heard. Over time I was working them to truly dissect and discern law for themselves.
Some where bright, some self-serving, some with megalomania, one was remarkable.
Our class had been studying over the law making process when the reading went to Mis Lanel Anderson she was startled from an intense thought. Her eyes had passion and debate, she then looked guilty when she realised she did not want to read out loud and the suddenly stood up although embarrassed by her actions she was subduing her passion. She glanced around the room, avoiding me for a moment before locking eyes with me.
" Professor Gregg, I would rather just comment on this selection because I very much disagree with it's premise." She announced and the classes dull murmur intensified. I took my desk and invited her to please continue, and with a natural unstyled country drawl she began."First Off, why should voting rites be a free-bee for natural born citizens? The people who built this country earned their right to vote with their blood sweat and tears, they cared to and worked to , and intended to preserve that liberty of voting for themselves and also for us but if anyone who happens to be enjoy being born here gets that privilege without question of their patriotism and agendas while at the same time our government forces slaves and immigrants to struggle for the right to claim those privileges, is it not hypocrisy, and is it not a slippery way to allow corruption? Why shouldn't everyone have to pass a civics class as mandatory before they can have the right to vote instead of this class being a history elective, make it mandatory to pass before graduation?"
"Lanel continued, walking thru the isles, making eye contact as she preached at the room. I had never seen a more passionate run on sentence before. I made a notation in my grade book to encourage her to study speech and debate and take diction and or elocution training. She flamboyantly went on after she annexed the front of my class room.
"And here's anutter thang too...The government has the final say in our law making process but it's the people who pushed against or requested the law. Well when some laws don't work out right we are stuck with it until enough people petition to change it, shouldn't they be allowed to have a test period?
Then maybe after a test period of six months or a year, the law is put to public vote? I mean isn't that the idea of freedom? People or government suggest a law, government irons out the details, representatives vote on and enforces the law over the public. Now here's fairness, the people try the law for period and then the people vote to Keep, alter, or veto it.
We are a country, it is like a family only we stand when we are communicating and guiding each other with fairness."
I do believe the young lady swooned. Her passion left the room in silence. She just destroyed our patriarchal system and made them all wonder why they didn't have a say in government matters. Instead of preaching what government ought to do, she demanded why aren't we making government do it?
I perceived royalty coursing through her, mixed with great painful shame.
" She recovered herself and shyly turned making a polite curtsy as if to apologise for taking up the class time as well as for having a personal opinion
and started to slink to her chair. " Lady Anderson." I jeered playfully, the class giggled, she froze, then obediently turned to listen flushed with embarrassment. Her companion viciously observing me. " Your view is absolutely correct." Lanel actually flinched and nearly cried."Thank you , Sir." She moused still aiming for retreat.
"No, you should be able to be thanked, when you do well Lanel and also proud. Proud enough to know your view solid and proud enough to deliver it with correct passion. But more than that, proud enough to empower yourself, and in your right to believe in your vision.
" If you don't, Lanel, the people will never hear you fully and certainly never remember you next year when they could have learned much from you." The color drained form her face and she quickly recovered her young poise.
"I shall be excused for the rest of class." And with great regality she quietly left.
Within the moment my head was seized with telepathic force, and very clearly, very anonymously very powerfully ached these words.
"You ! Son of a bitch, how dare you embarrass her like that."
And then there was a lonely dark house and the buzzing of my alarm clock. Time for Jerry to rouse the troops for.... oh what is today balance on your hands practice?
I didn't work on Saturdays, yesterday was our cook out, and i just know my reformees always look forward to my Saturdays. No I am incorrect it is the Mondays they love best, and with good reason for I listen, examine and motivate them. There tend to be alot of incidents and joys on Saturdays.
Diana woke in a very stubborn obnoxious anger today, George is at his wits end and wants to act out again, and Jerry tries to preguess me. I hope he tires of that soon because if he doesn't I will be forced to put him in check before he interferes with my training of the others.
'Is there any reason why you are not simply paroling him?' My thoughts taunt playfully. ' ah' they continue ' you think maybe there is some use for his angle.. what , he can serve as a role model, is it?'
"Hush now. Peter. I am not about to be inappropriate with the child, I need to keep an eye on him as his mental powers are about to increased just because of your having contacted him. What is it you see that you would tease me about my motives?" I retort toward my bedroom ceiling, the darkness gives a laugh, and replies that it sees a man after his own heart.
And now it was dawn and I prepare to encounter the day the kids have set up for me.
Friday, July 16, 2010
And then one afternoon her chore list started to become insane. Today I was to trim a 12 foot by 12 foot square in the middle of her yard, the blades of grass no more than three inches do use a ruler and sciccors.
It was not as tedeous as Jerry's chore which was to count each knot hole in the wood paneling of the livingroom, and then of the dining room and precent a ratio of which room has less...and how much percent less...etc.
And oh the Poor suffering dear Diana, who was to reorganise the kitchen, and while doing so to please also measure the diameter of each pan, and to cooerdinate their capacity to cook a triple sizing of a a single recipe.....oh it was insane.
Over a week's time we came to understand that each day will focus on a diferent educational skill. And oh wonderful today was math.
Diana really did enjoy her post in the kitchen, and Jerry found a sadistic enjoyment of his private jokes. Oh yes he and the Reformer have vibes. And today his chore was such as it was because he had made a cheeky remark about the craftsmanship of the house.
The Reformer was very personable, and it was not so much with her what you say but now you say it. And I can tell you from painfull experience at her hand she knows before you even speak what kind of mood your words are in, and your motive and intention.....that reformer gets into your head, and most of the time I find that if I am going to be slapped for it, did I even want to bother saying it, as as far as I can tell she never loses an argument, you cant get her goat.
For example her not so flawless rule three..She did not lose the argument but did conceed stale-mate by once announcing that she altered rule three to say "You will do everything I tell you to do or not to do." And thanked me for the inspiration to imply that 'all priveliges are things I have not yet told YOU not to do, are they george?'
I want to rape her.......oh wonderful, such a negitive thought the reformer will know about it....This place is making me crazy.
IN the evenings and during meals she is friendly with us and talks with us. Explaining her self sometimes. She lovves to talk. I am starting to concider non-combaticness. Either that or just do something completely idiotic just for some drama. But so far I lay low and obsere her, and as long as she's mostly out of my way I am enjoying myself with the others.
Then tonight there was a call in the afternoon, the reformer wanted to have a cook out in the back yard this evening, set up speakers and the grill and tables for the four of us and not to worry about greeting her at the door this evening. And so we dropped our otherwise useless chores and enguaged in this. Everything we set, and in progress with the reformer came out to the back yard.
No we did not move.. we continued as we where, no we where not intimidated because it had been my brillient reasoning to tell Her that this is not a room where in she was entering. And well there you go stale mate again. Thru our supressed snikers and bets walked The Reformer in cut of jean shorts, a tank top, her hair in a pony tail, sun glassess, and a lawn chair.
Silence was drawn from the crowd. And she giggles... YUP... that is the position.
I think what is worse for me is not knowing if or when she is going to retaliate for something I have tested her with. I have seen her chamber on a few occasions, twice over having intentionally broken stuff. And more recently for absolutly refusing to do the chore we had on the first day, I was supposed to turn over all the rocks in the drivve way. Well by god I did not do that chore, and my resolve earned me 20 lashes that needed stitched and a four day bed rest.
I dont feel lashes very much anymore, it is like a formal ritaul... aww now now.. does the reformer fell powerfull again? I have no skin left back there, only scars. And each one a victory. Each one a test of my soul, and of my loyalty to her.
I closed Jerry's agape mouth, "remember it carries whips. Those lusious legs support precious hips which stand behind and that perfect torso sways and those fit arms reach back and then you are in hell my friend. Beware the ones that carry whips." Jerry's such a masochist, I bet he jerked off to that image. He recovered himself and snorts back maybe to YOU George, I've only been downstairs once and we talked. Diana grunts at us while looking for a radio station... and after giving up she sat amongst us complaining that she has lost count of her trips to the basement and has just about had it.
The sun bathing reformer barely acknowledged hearing us. I thought to myself it is a fine time to vent and maybe figure this reformer out while feasting and dancing and mocking the reformer's unattainable beauty.
Maybe she is not so bad after all.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
The past few weeks with Mistress Carol have been what I would call typical for George and myself. The Mistress assigned me to general inside house work, Diana to kitchen stuff, and George was set to tend the general outside work. Melinda had already been packed before we had fully settled in. George took the first room past the bathrooms and I took the next room after Melinda's.
I have had intense nightmares here. Although I do not think they where nightmares, but it is more proper to say, i have dreamed memories every night. And enough of them frightening enough to come as a shock to everyone but George.
He is my best friend, we went into the reformation after I helped him steal a car. I don't know why we store a car, I believe it was something George wanted to see if he could do. Fortune had it that we were incarcerated together at Mistress Samantha's home in West Fallenshire. Ms. Samantha was not striking, or wealthy, or elegant, but George responded to her. She was able to touch him to his soul. It was not explained to me whether Ms Samantha reminded him of any one, or whether her charms where just the key that unlocked George's self destructed sense of danger.
I have seen and absorbed allot over my four years time, and I can tell you, though it took Master Rob to break me, She had been George's true reformer. Ms Sam was oil to my water. I did not respect her, but because of George i did not stress her. A favor we both know he is karmaticaly paying now.
We where a wicked pair. Practical jokers, literal interpreters. Ms Sam had ordered us to dust the house. And so we did...rubbed our bodies, as much as we could reach over as much surface as could be mustered, and removed the dust.
She discovered our dirty antics, and with a face almost but not quite dishevelled, ordered us to go outside and shake the dust off our clothes. There was the opening George gleefully obeyed as I followed suit in stripping down and taking our cloths outside to shake them. She introduced us to the whip that day.
Ms. Sam, compared to Master Rob, was weak and forgiving. Yielding and Friendly. George was not the monster then that he is now. He, for what ever reason only he and his soul know honored Mistress Samantha, and was a model reformee. Until her leukemia took a turn for the worse. He sat by her side as much as he could besides running her errands, and forging partially guided status reports for the Department of Corrections.
But the one thing you cant forge is a reformation after the Reformer dies. And George will never again be the same person. He died with her. They separated us, i went to Master Rob's and he poured thru the minds of his next two reformers like fire on gasoline, and then he ended up with me again and Master Rob's, where he was beginning to be turned from his wicked ways over the last six months. But fate interfered too soon, i fear, when Rob's wife Tammy started to succumb to cancer, and we where transferred to Mistress Carol.
As I lay here in my newest bed, I can feel weight in the air. I can smell a sent that I cant identify. I cant sleep either so I turn my thoughts over to what led to the events of today.
It began typically, our assignments handed out and Ms. Carol's leaving for the day. Then in silence the three of us trudged about our tasks each in our own world of thought. Toward evening there was a call saying that Ms.Carol would be working late, we should eat and enjoy the evening.
George and I mesmerised Diana with our tales of self destruction. She told tales of her simple disobedience. Her Father was a very military man who insisted that she carry herself like a lady, and he ruled over her dress, and posture, and school grades. She could not have it anymore, she tested him at every turn the was openly disobedient. And from what i gather she ran away allot and finally he could not handle her and he would not compromise nor retreat, and she was sent away.
George flattered with his infamous...' don't you know, i am in complete control of the reformer' speech. the one where he boasts ' i control their moods, if i want them to have a good day i am a good prisoner, when i want to torment them i am a bad prisoner. But they do not control me.' Diana was easily impressed, why is why i think he told it with such thrill. But I to this day still don't quite follow the logic of it. Master Rob, had a fine day whether or not he visited his shed. We where all sitting in the living room, he and she on the couch and I was laying down on the floor in front of the television, which was off.
George told his flabergations and I reflectively drew on the carpet with my finger. My tracings turning into words the more outrageous George's tales became. I happened to finger "fuc...." but the letters vanished. I sat up and tried again.. "shi.." vanish. George noticed now and they drew in to investigate. "cun..." and it vanished for him the say way. Diana's face went ashen. "oh my gawd! " She whispered." it's true.. when i first got here every time i swore i got hurt." George smiled, and pridefully corrects her. "No that's cursing. Swearing is to make a vow or compact. Apparently there's no cursing in the house either." he retorts.
We where entirely engrossed with our discovery, we heard nothing until the front door closed firmly. We scattered to the fore room George on the left side of the carpet and Diana and myself taking up our stand on the right side. Carol silently observed us before speaking.
"Which one of you is responsible? Stand before me." Immediately i recognised myself and stepped out, close to Her. "I am. It is my fault we didn't greet you." "Why you?" she asked in the still of her voice. " I was showing them something...." As i explained i glances over Carol's left shoulder to George who had signaled me not to tell. She watched my eyes move and with hardly a movement back handed George and bore her gaze to me. "We .. we got caught up in the moment that is why we where not paying attention Mistress." There was half a breath before I got slapped as well.
"Jerry, your friend.... makes you into a liar." She'd barley completed her breath. George flashed his testing glare toward Carol's back and interjected "Thank you Mistress, may I have another." and she flashed again, this time grabbing George's throat and lifting him to his toes against the Door to the Den and held him. "I will not be interrupted, George. Speak out of turn again and you lose the privilege of speech. Am I making myself very clear to you?" By now his hands and both clasped on to her wrist and his face growing intensely red. He mouthed and stammered with little breath. "yes clear mastermadammistressormaam." And while focused on him she addressed the rest of us. "You will all wait for my arrival 30 minutes before i am due for the next week. Jerry, basement now. You two, corners until your summoned." And she dropped him and headed with me down stairs.
Nothing shocked me about her chamber, fairly typical as far as they go my eyes where keen and i knelt in place before she reached the bottom stair. She motioned to the desk and we sat. " What did you see Jerry?" I nervously rubbed my hands searching for explanation. "I don't know Mistress....I ..." i looked around the room, but my words weren't their either. Feeling silly I bit my lip " Ok fine... i...I ... Mistress, Is your house.... alive?"
She smiled. " Yes. His name is Peter Gregg. He has his own rules."
I was relieved to know i was not insane. She curiously continued."How did you get him to speak to you?" "I am not certain Mistress. I have been dreaming, memories, but they are not my own. This evening I was bored, and started doodling on the carpet and he would not let me write , um, certain words." She sat back and mused. "So, was Peter Gregg ever a man?" "Oh yes. He is a great man. He is my Reformer." I giggled, and imagined life forever with your Reformer.
"Mistress you will have to tell me the story sometime." "All in due process, Jerry. I issue a warning, do not make sport of your discovery. Do not play games. Do not provoke the house, and everybody will get along just fine."
"Of course Mistress. Something tells me there is powerful ju-ju here, and I will Respect your Reformer and You." " I am certain that you will, you are dismissed Jerry."
Monday, July 5, 2010
wicked cosmic irony.... now the person i was chatting with will have to come find me.
but *pouts* that means i'll loose the emails between us and he wont ever get the last one i sent.
And i do swear that i did not close the account but that it was unfair, the bot thought i was spamming , probably because i was sending so many messages to you. Or maybe because i advertised my own site. Or maybe because the magifnicant Internet Buddha, as he always intervenes.... suddenly changed when i made my praises and confessions to you about my perfect last three days. Buddha slaps me with impermanence each time i have a singular "moment".
It;s my id get used to it. And that vibration cannot be repeated.
I hope He finds me. *giggles*....
hours have passed.... leaves have flown....
Critical thought....what is wrong with this picture? Is it what you think it will be?
I don't know....
Well then i guess we need to start thinking and see.
I sit me poised as best can get and with narry a word a sigh or fret
I smile and be come our waiting fairy.......
I invite the he who may happen to be
one without doubt.
she waits and ganders all she sees and about her throat a set of keys
the inscription there for all who read is it gives to you when properly needs
they are mine to give, they pass this door to all the read i and we may dare explore.
*more hours have passed, my mind reels....i know i have said enough, i know i have given every tool .. every beginning, i have offered everything there is to know about me.... Quickly my thoughts switch to happier things.... increasing my imagination and thrill.... and into my head a new song pops... a liberation song....snapped onto the heels of my former husband's image....now washed away with a future yet untold.
the rhythm of my feet expound, the lift in my voice enunciate, and something real is sung.... or'e shadowed with fragility*
According to you I'm stupid, I'm useless. I can't do anything right. According to you I'm difficult, hard to please. Forever changing my mind. I'm a mess in a dress, can't show up on time. Even if it would save my life.
According to you, according to you.
But according to him I'm beautiful, incredible. He can't get me out of his head. According to him I'm funny, irresistible. Everything he ever wanted.
Everything is opposite, I don't feel like stopping it.
So baby tell me what I got to lose. He's into me for everything I'm not.....According to you.
According to you I'm boring, I'm moody And you can't take me any place. According to you I suck at telling jokes 'Cause I always give it away. I'm the girl with the worst attention span. You're the boy who puts up with that.
According to you, according to you.
But according to him I'm beautiful, incredible. He can't get me out of his head. According to him I'm funny, irresistible. Everything he ever wanted.
Everything is opposite, I don't feel like stopping it.
So baby tell me what I got to lose. He's into me for everything I'm not....According to you.
I need to feel appreciated. Like I'm not hated, oh no Why can't you see me through his eyes?
It's too bad, you're making me dizzy.
But according to me
According to me. you're stupid, you're useless. You can't do anything right.
But according to him I'm beautiful, incredible. He can't get me out of his head. According to him I'm funny, irresistible. Everything he ever wanted. Everything is opposite, I don't feel like stopping it.
Baby tell me what I got to lose. He's into me for everything I'm not....According to you
you, According to you, you According to you
***** lyrics fade to silence as thunderous sweeps of time click by.....******
The date is july 7th.... yet not two days have gone by... the hour for HIM is now 6:30 pm. and she has not eaten...but had only smelt the possible tastes. The muse i have set upon with my novel is starting to take shape. Although i do not know wether His Jett will land.
I cannot be here tonight and might miss the plane enitrely, and to my chair permenatly alone be set.
Making Author's note cryptically... the next sceen i write will be....the responcibility delagations to Jerry, George and Diana.... intercommunications between the sub characters... and an increase in the sexaul tenstion of george... which will lead to a rearing up of his drug addiction. And as an author's future story note... We can see that Diana has father issues... but we cannot have Mistress Carol reform her completely because Diana's issues turn into abusive tendencies, which play out in book two which is already written, and will lead to her eventaul Re-Training/ Apprenticeship with Carol in book three. Book three is also the one in which i will be playing out the family life of James, Lanel, and Justine. but i have not decided wether or not i will include the other three Royal sisters.
George's future will include a proper and complete breaking and surrender to honner and he gains a vision for his purpose in life.....and too bad if i spoil it for the reader....this my sand box not my finished project. This is my blog where is disclose everything the plays in my Television show ... Of course... a professional oughten't ever tell..... but aw shucks i already have.
I will terry here, maybe the Emergancy flight got delayed.
Maybe he belives i am untrustworthy.
Maybe he has cognitive dissoncence about me.
i will rebegin my novel after i am very apparently sure that i go alone.
Maybe this one is not .... .... **** a breath of pause needs to have been read in****
My Master?.... ***you know me i always after edit****
He did know where i could have been found. His jet taxied into the wrong terminal.
but at least i can say he is here he is here.... i wait for his comments to appear.
We retired that evening without incident, and without joy. Diana has not opened herself for company yet. 'Perhaps you come on too strongly Carol' my thoughts voice over. And I smirk toward the ceiling, I am going according to procedure, which is how I am being treated. Things will develop soon, I will be receiving two more nearly reformed charges the day Mel is scheduled for pick up.
'You'll have to pull out the harshness with Diana soon, won't you?' I ponder my thoughts carefully. No, Sir I don't think I will, what the girl needs is self expression and to respect limits. What harshness she needs, will be suffered vicariously. 'Sounds like a plan' and the velvet darkness of my room wrapped me with it's bodiless support. I lay down and re-play the days when I met Peter Gregg, in my memory.
We where in our Senior year of high school, Lanel Anderson and I. Part of the course of education that year was a Civics class which focused on Political Science, the History of Regal law and Sociology. It was 1957, I met Lanel at her locker on the first day of school just as we had met since 5th grade. She was sullen and I could her mother has been on a rampage with her, and her brothers and sisters. She was relieved to be in classes again.
"Lanel, this is IT huh...On our way into the big bad world." She mutely grunted agreement, although Lanel was typically every excited for her future, today she wasn't. I started to grasp her arm in a friendly show of affection but she grimaced when I touched her, she turned quickly to mind the organisation of books, in her other arm. I began to seethe, knowing her mother had injured her again. I watched Lanel mutely ignore herself, and me , and her dislocated elbow.
"Lanel! I swear to GOD i WILL stop her" I promise, and before she could protest I snatched her books from her and marched us to class.
When we where in 7th grade I discovered Lanel's secret home life, and tried to get the police involved to save them. But her mother was a master performer, had her kids well trained and all my valorous efforts did for them was increase the hell. Lanel made me promise never to do that again, to just leave them alone, be her friend and she'll press charges after she moves away. I could hardly abide that scenario, but did not want to loose my friend. We spent as much time together as we where able, and being Lanel's escape gave her a space to grow.
Lanel caught up to me in the hall. "Carol! If you try anything stupid again...."
"You'll what! What! Something has to make it stop. That woman needs to be put away. If you won't stand up for yourself, how about for Jake or Lee-anne?" I attacked, she tried retreating in stifled tears muttering. " But it will only get worse, cant you see that?"
I calmed myself. " It will always be getting worse, Lanel. Do you think my parents always hated me? No Matter what I did, it always gets worse." I paused to smile vindictively looking through Lanel toward the future." But you don't have anything to say in this Lanel. I WILL take care of you." She grabbed back her books and jolted thru the class room door. We sat in separate rows.
Professor Gregg entered the classroom and took attendance as we filed in quietly. He belaboured the uncomfortable silence in the room observing many of us who shifted in our seats, and tried to keep a respectful first day of class posture. Some sat straight, some crossed ankles, some adjusted notebooks and pencils, and some giggled amongst themselves.
"Class, " He began "I want you to pass forward your assigned school texts. And those of you in the back rows, will find copies of the Constitution on the back table. Please take one, each of you and pass the rest forward. In my class you will think with your own eyes open." He waited quietly while his orders where completed. Lanel and I glanced at each other, forgetting our previous moment we shared an amused silent giggle.
The room murmured freely. ' no text?' one girl remarks, ' how will we understand this right?' 'ah cake walk' another retorts. I sat observing the professor, who in turn was nonchalantly observing the class. I saw him smirk to himself and take notes. Lanel shifted seats with the person next to me, "what's going on Carol?" She asked.
"I am going to love this class, Lanel. I already read the text. And found it so politically biased it made the Constitution mere toilet paper. He really wants us to learn."
And my Memories fade into the black of sleep, and the days meld and the finally culminate with the arrival of a tan 1968 cutless sierra.
"Another day, an other reformer. "
Jerry's hands tensed around the steering wheel he cast a sideways glare. I shrugged mock defensively. "What i cant help it , I'm TOO good. "
"You'll end up dead George. Look Master Rob warned us that our behaviours will be a reflection upon himself.. and he will suggest revoking my parole proceedings, I am not gonna let you fuck that up for me you hear?"
"Dude, that's all i do is reflect upon the Reformer." and I stared out the window as we passed a convenience store.
He drives us until we park behind a sweet barracuda, all tricked out and chromed.... it had a color changing iridescent red/green paint job. We sat drooling forever. But... finally i promised him that i would be on my "best behaviour" for him, and he was relieved.
We knocked on the door and I felt energy surge through me, and saw A woman in her early 20's, with long black hair, crystal blue eye, short....innocent Woman. I contained me ruse properly, and once we where invited in we produced our files and knelt in unison. She smiled coyly, and received them, opening each briefly before handing them back to one of the girls standing on each side of the rug in the fore room. I felt my eyes twinkle defiantly, and focused them upon the Mistress.
"There will be only three rules in this home. That is the position you will take each time you enter or exit a room where I am. And you will stand and kneel when I enter a room where you are." We respond Yes Mistress, in unison.
" The second Rule is that you will call me Master, Madam, Mistress or Ma'am. I am Reform Master Mistress Carol Wies." Here.... ahh here the break form reality. Jerry chants Yes Mistress, but i continue..."Yes Master Madam Mistress or Ma'am." Her pupils narrowed, " George, you will continue to address me that way until I ask you to pick one. I gulped sharply and straighted my face, "as you wish, mastermadammistressormaam."
"And rule the third. You will do everything I tell you to do. And I am telling you now there is no swearing in this house." Again... how dare she test me to weakly.....Jerry elbows me as he chants Yes Mistress... while I....
"Fucking-A mastermadamistresormaam" I absorb a customary slap.." But mastermadammistressormaam, I did not swear... I VOW that I never Swo..." then I am slapped again, landing on my elbows. I straighten myself as she is about to resume her mistressly poise.
" What is rule three George?"
" I contest your accusation that i broke rule three which is to do everything that you tell me to do...as I did something that you did not tell me to ,not do, and therefore I have not broken your Rule, mastermadammistressormaam."
" I said there was no swearing in this house, and I do not handle rudeness well. "
I became subdued.
"Jerry, You will retain all of your privileges, to include cigarettes but you may only smoke them in your car. But I will of course need to personally review your eligibility for parole. Master Rob, speaks highly of you Jerry."
" Thank you Mistress."
She dismissed us to find a room and introduce ourselves to Diana and Melinda, while The reformer quasi-dramatically goes outside to tend her garden. The Reformer's ass shapely and tight and completely unassessable. It's my personal motto never to fuck anything that carries whips.
"She's a hottie" says Jerry after stumbling painfully over my big toe."to bad huh?" The girls are slack jawed at our arrogance. "Why in the WORLD would to provoke Madam Carol?" Shrieks Diana in a muffled squeal. Mel just wiped her hands and sighed that she is happy she is leaving today.
"Don't worry ladies." I bantered. " I am a professional here. George master slave in the art of reforming reformers." I boast. Jerry interrupts."Never mind mister ego ... I am Jerry Ford." "Is that your car?" Melinda asks when all four of us made introductions. "Yeah, it was my 16th birthday gift.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
I took my time unpacking and complaining. What was i in a hurry for? Two years of this shit and I'll loose my... I slammed my finger in the dresser and stomped backward whimpering to my bed.
'My father tried to love us after mom died. But he didn't know how. He never hugged us or laughed with us. He just laid down the law. I cant stand the miserable bastard. ' I wrap my throbbing finger in my tee- shirt and pace the room deep in thought.
Around dark that girl knocked on my door to tell me dinner was about to be served. We went down the back way into the kitchen, it smelled wonderful, we set the brightly luminous dining room for the meal, via the back door frame just off the kitchen interior. The girl was kinda rude, I mean she didn't even tell me her name, just started barking orders about how to set the table.
Carol came in through the double doors, the girl curtsied bowing her head and scurried about her task, I stammered a bit but tried to curtsy back too.
In a flash of movement Carol was in front of me with a slap. "What is rule one?"
"I am supposed to kneel when you come in a room." I sigh.
" No. You are to take that position every time I enter or exit a room. Did you assume the proper position?"
"No Mistress." I roll my eyes. She stood back with an expectant face, and I preformed. She looked over to Melinda who had frozen in her spot, and smiled nodding gregariously to her, which made all the tension drain from her face and she smiled in return announcing that dinner is served, and went Walking/ kneeling /walking once again through the back door. Carol told me to go with her. I walked, awkwardly knelt and stumbled my way to the door and back.
Dinner was roast and steamed vegetables.
"Diana how do you find your room? Cozy?"
"It's ok Mistress Carol. Boring though. I mean the rest of your house is so well done why not that room?"
" Ah, well there hasn't been anyone to have that room for a long time. While you are here you will be able to out fit it as you please. But you 'll have to earn the materials you want."
"My room had some drab walnut panelling when i got here. I tore that stuff down in a hurry. Didn't I Mistress?" Bragged whats her face whose room as been frilly and pink with a white deep pile carpet.
" Yes I believe it was within the first month. Had me put up that pink heartsy fartsy stuff. Which totally throws off my Gothic theme here." They laughed.
"You live in the dark too much Mistress, someone had to brighten up the place. Sheesh, I cant imagine who had the room before me what was he some kind of murderer?"
"A professional never tells." Carol coos playfully. I sat awkwardly , pecking at my plate until the girl stands and starts to gather plates. Carol motioned halt and turned her eyes on me.
"Diana, you are rather rude tonight. And very stubbornly refusing to do as you are told."
"What... you haven't said anything... i knelted and stuff..."
"Must I keep repeating myself. What is rule three? " i mutter back to her that i am supposed to do what she told me to." And did you?" to which i mutter yes. " Then pray tell, what is that girl's name?" I lifted my head and stared hard at Carol." And I shall be reminding you shortly What rule two is. "
She told that girl to continue serving the desert but not to me. I was to 'go find the spot' and wait in the basement for Carol, and was excused from the table.
The stair well was dark, but the basement grew more lighted as I descended the stairs. The basement has 12 high ceilings, it was not built under the house, like an afterthought, but it was instead a bottom floor built into the landscape. It was quite expansive, there some rooms, and offices positioned around the open center. Arranged around the middle where the reformer's chamber. I swallowed hard and realised I was a prisoner again. I've seen TV shows about reformers, there was a situation comedy about a house in Kingsington Heights. But... the reformer's chamber was always behind an ominous looking door, they never opened.
There was a table with two chairs facing each other. and near it was a padded gymnast horse, and an large Ex-frame whipping post, on the other side of the desk was... and i gasped stuttering when i realised i was staring at a rack. Something i thought went out last century. There was also a few locked armours and a few barren end tables near the other furniture.
I wondered what was the 'spot" I was supposed to find. I scanned the room and decided that it must be the chair. Once there I felt incredibly nauseous got up to pace, then I saw pair of worn grooves in the cement just past the foot of the steps. I swallowed again and took that to be my spot, and knelt waiting.
Carol eventually greeted me.
"Diana, what we have here is a demerit system. They will accumulate through out the day some of them you will be warned of and some of them you will have to figure out for yourself. But you will pay the penalty for each. There are merits to be earned as well but you will not be warned of them nor will you be able to tell me what they are for. I will consider your trying to tell me when I owe you as pure rudeness and you will be given what you don't want.
I do not handle stubbornness well , Diana. You do not have any right to your will here. You do not have the luxury of escape while you are here. I run an exacting home and all there is for you are privileges, never rights. Except for your inalienable human right to fair treatment and protection from abuse. I will make sure that you understand why, when you are punished. And when your discipline does not need to take place down here, I will give ample freedom to discuss the matter with me. But once down here, you will not have that freedom.
"Are you keeping up Diana?"
"Yes, mistress" my throat cracks. ' oh get on with it pompous bit-th... i grimace as the cement under my knees grows sharper."
"Very good then. For your rude disobedience You'll be whipped, then you will go introduce yourself to Melinda properly. Then, darling we need to go shopping for clothing." She instructed as if it was all a matter of business. She whipped my shoulders with a cat of nine tails flogger 25 strikes. And well the next few weeks when much like the first day only without the nice shopping and an increase to 50 lashes at a time.
Melinda proved to be a funny and caring person. Carol went to her other job everyday. By day she's a reformer, by night. aw shucks.. she is still a reformer. Talk about taking your work home with ya. Each day when it is time for Carol to return Melinda and I have to wait kneeling beside the runner in the fore room. Melinda takes up the position at the slightest hint of a vehicle ... or more appropriately not any vehicle, but that of a iridescent red/green Barracuda. She told me that shes been caught off guard before,' you think you have time but you don't.' Or like today you think you just made it but she takes forever to pull in. But normally it works out in perfect timing. She told me that it is no use trying the phone, it only rings the School, the Emergency Department, or Slaves life line. Which was an network of operators who took calls and handled Reformer abuse cases. I've heard about them, a few years back there was a case of sexual abuse in a Reformer's home, That Master got 10 years hard time for that, and could never practice law again.
I might not have rights but if this treatment keeps up I am crying fire fire. I've already hovered over the receiver when I knew I was already well beyond in trouble. So freaking what... you wanted your eggs like thaaattt instead of thiiiiisssss... OH she is pi..pi ...........* looking around to make sure i am not about to bump into something" She just makes me mad. She freaking whip crazy. just once something different please ... I'll give up television...shoot I'll do your yard for a month... just lay off the back... I cant even move lately.
The front door unlocks and Carol enters, we stand, Mel takes her coat and I take what ever is in her hands that day, today was just a purse and umbrella. We put the things away as Carol sat in her chair. We go walk/kneel/walking in and sit on the couch.
"Melinda, only four days left." The girl grins excitedly, as Madam continued " You do know I'll miss you, we had many worthwhile times."
"I know I wont be forgetting you Mistress. But I am very ready to go back home. Ill be starting my senior year, cant miss that now can i?"
"Lucky you Mel... I don't get to graduate."
"Who says you may not graduate high school?" Madam says to me. I shrugged and leaned back on the couch, a movement i spent the next few moments regretting. " I just assumed , because I am kicked out of public education."
"Diana your education will continue privately. You will just have to take your Civics Exam as soon as your home, it will count the same as Graduation as long as you file before your 20th birthday." She instructed referring to my mandatory term in the military of 2 years when i am 20. My father was drafted and just 5 years ago the former King announced that there was an increased need for soldiers, and set the formally volunteer female enlisted, to a mandatory draft. I will get to serve as a reservist because my sister will only be 15 and since my father is already on call due to his career I will be the only family member who can adopt my sister until she is 18.
"Are you ever going to open up and share your thoughts with us?" Madam says, drawing me from my pensive meanderings.
"Why should i Madam? What do you care?" I snort. She softly smiles. Mel clicks on the TV.
"It is your choice to stay stubborn, but it will be a very long boring two years for you if you insist on keeping to yourself. "
"I guess you have a point, Madam. I just miss my sister is all. I didn't want to leave her."
"But you did, again and again."
"I could always come back when I wanted. I didn't stay away long. Not like dad did. "
"What about your Father? Was it fair to him to let him..."
"Damn straight it was fair Madam. He practically deserted us... then he stayed in the Army when mom died.serves him right to worry... if he didn't have to be so strict and chill a while......."
"Diana, it is rude to interrupt. What we are doing now is speaking openly, i will over look some expressions of emotion but I will not be interrupted."
"Do you honestly think your father wanted to desert you?"
I didn't expect that question. Most people get all gooey and tell me he's hurt, he needs time, he's doing the best that he can... but. did he want to desert me? My father was a man of his word, he used to be so happy, i was his little girl once.
"N-no Madam I don't believe that he wanted to desert us. "
"Maybe he had to, because every time he looked at you he saw her."
I sat there stunned to tears and laid back stubbornly against the couch and stared at the television until we where dismissed.