Have you ever met a person with spiritaul giudes?
Some of these people are super flakey. Some seem to be too dependant on their guides for information.
I am gonna try and delve in to what i believe the mental mechanics are for this phenomona of channeling and having a spirit guide. What i see in others, some critiques ect.
But first i kinda want to do some bitching.....(no kidding) some ego centered childish gripeing about the way some people with spirit guides behave.
See, ill make a confession, i have a spirit guide. I got two of them. They got names and everything. But they are super strict.
Or maybe the right word is narrow. I mean they can be concidered quite liberal, yet there really is only one way to do a thing.
But they dont let me dress all flackey and act spooky, i dont have to carry a tarot bag to ward of the hebee jeebees. MY GUIDES......dont even let me tell anyone all the groovy shit they teach me.
I know they got their reasons. Most of which have to do with my guides ultimate desire that i be a free independant being.
Nothing mystical about that.........i am simply trying to learn how to live and to find what is true and real. My guides long ago stopped letting me channel or be possessed by them. They stoped all their chatter about dementions and worlds and other fantacies. Because i started asking questions back, and wanted to learn to understand for myself.
But they wont let me flagrantly babble that stuff. Because it all sounds like psycho babble.
It really is just psycho babble. My guides try to keep things real, and find something worth believing in.
But these other kinds of mystical channelers...........its all so kindergarten. remedial....WHAT are these people doing with *followers*....
This one girl....
She doesnt know anything on her own. She does not seem to be discovering anything. It is always some other guide speaking information thru her. Information not addressed to her or about her. But information broad and monotonious.
Now i have read some bits about her that say she and her followers scocialize in the evenings as a group and periodically one of her Guides will pop by for a visit.
*chuckles to self*
I remember doing that. Once when i was meeting new pagens i asked that Lanel go and meet them thru me. She did it. She got her self locked in for a while.
I do realise that my terms may need defineing. Locked in is what i used to call when the spirit pops by for a visit and cant leave untill the energy disipates. Sometimes a spirit can indeed pop by for just a moment, but other times perhaps when it antisipates having to stay a while it uses too much energy to pop by and cant leave untill that energy is used.
(yeah that was psycho babble.... i havent started to deal with the psychology yet so be paitient)
Any way Lanel did not like being stuck. And that was the last time she would be channeled by me. She told me that i had to learn to do the task of psychically screening people on my own.
With James it was always different. He would not pop in but would hover near, external energy he was able to come and go. I dont recall ever hearing him say he was stuck. But he normally only gave instructions while i learned.
Once, well this story is long.... ( arent they all) and it was the last time James assisted me with something.
I had just fallen in love with my husband. And i wanted to * do a spell* on some dolls so that we could each have one and it would make us feel together while we where apart, when we looked at the doll.
So i asked Lanel to give me the how to with the spell. And she explained how to do it, telling me esp not to break the circle of his and my legs during the spell.
(erm.. we where to sit infront of each other either cross legged or with out legs lapps over the others with the dolls and stuff in the circle.)
SO anyway He and I were planning on trying it out that weekend. He was aimeable to the whole freaky spiritaul girl friend thing i guess.
The evening was over shadowed with storm clouds... my psychic juices where charged up. We did most of the spell but...we got up before it was done. I forget what we got up for.......
Somewhere around that moment i felt as if i was being called out side. The feeling said "walk" and i could feel the direction pulling at me. But it was raining, i had only a slip on, and what about the spell ...all these excuses, so i did not walk. When i closed the door........i was *attacked*
There were like five dead guys outside my window, I called out to James.
He was not happy because he was opposed to me doing magic at that time. And pretty much told me i had to block them out myself. It was a struggle but...opps i forgot what he said.....he said that he didnt have the power to fight them, he was a lessor level than Lanel and Lanel had expended all her energy when she gave me the instructions for the spell. Which i had prefromed incorrectly, so he told me how to send them back and how to shut down my mind form letting them in....and i had to cover the dolls with black cloth and make all that spell energy go away too.
The next morning, i did go awalkin. Here's is what i found. That weekend had been memorial day. And someone trashed the graveyard across the main road that was near our motel. This was straight ahead the direction i had been called toward.
There was a fresh grave of a vetrin and several other vets with their flags toppled, and beer glass everywhere. Perhaps i had not been attacked but the angry spirits here felt the psychic energy and came and sought help.
What ever. My husband and I cleaned up the grave yard for the Men.
I only have a small handfull of theses stories. Though i spent years and do spend years more with these entities, the excitement is kept to a bare minimum.
Maybe i grew out of the need for the drama. Maybe my guides got old with me. Which stands to reason, cicidering that my *guides* are merely expernalised amalgamations of my finer personal qualities.
After a while i did not want the *old relationship*.
But some of these medium people havent a single thought about who THEY are. Or for that matter who is the person that stares up adoringly at them, hanging on to their every word...and learning nothing.
What good is this channeler and mystic if something is not rubbing off .......if you are not growing in liberation and discovery? If you have people just absorbing your crap and not learning independantly, then how would you know wether or not what you are teaching is bullshit? How could you know if it bears up under the scruteny of who would learn it from you? I am interested in truth and workable hypothosi, isnt everyone concerned with that?
Her teachings would be worthless if she is not. Well the perticular person i am useing as my straw man does not even teach anything. She just verbally meanders thru dictated information and answers no questions. But i guess that isjust what it is like when she is *doing an interveiw*
My guides are not interested in having their oppionions made public truth. Besides most anything they have said to me have been contructs that i myself have picked up along the way of my spiritaul seeking and therefore not new or original anyway.
Just like her shit.
I am hardly even able to do anything with as much vigour for a camera or an audence that i can to all by myself. Holy SHIT.... i am ever so thankfull to god almighty that i can even write. Here , is my medium for self expression and being myself and that well.
Oh man.i can dance....i know i can.....i raise up so much energy and vibration when i move...........but dang nab it.........i just cant do it when somebody is looking. Of course this could merely be a case of *singing in the shower syndrome*, and the truth may very well be that i just SUCK at anything i would want to show myself off doing. But these freaky mediums, why they can flop all over the place for you. But my fucking guides wait untill they have me in private for the good shit.
And it took years for me to learn how to *channel* this into writeing. Long hours of training just to get to hear these thoughts slow enough to even put letters on them.
I am grateful.... even if i seem the fool sometimes.
And even here, i dont get to *write magic* every time.
(reconciders, is it this place or the other one I like better.....doesnt matter just happy.....sometimes critical thought just ruins the magic)
oh ... the psychology i precieve that goes on when ...........no....not ready for that.
ok... what is her delusion?
Yeah.
What is with this kid? Does she belive these are interdementional beings? ALL of the dead of all time just itching to visit you? They ALL got something super important to say?
Girl that is WAY too busy. Too many teachers not enough student left to learn.
How come when you are *cognisent* of being yourself, you are such a meak and weak person? Do you always need a Guide to do your pontificateing? How come your guides dont teach you what to teach others, and well.........there are jsut so many questions.............many of them spiritaully redundant.
It is just i cant accept you. You are not an athority, you are not passing anyhting on that will strengthen your followers.
You merely have their worship.
Me and my guides want more.
Shit child if i was to tell you how many wyas you are fucking up, it would back fire and you would learn to become even more diabolical, and less yourself..........even less of your being actualy enjoying the life of your self-honesty.
And more the ego created by the thrall of having these beings share your space.
and the ego of self importance that coems with having the mindless cater to everything you say.
Like EW.
look sometimes you have to shut down. sometimes you have to shut up all instruction. I sure hope she does.
Maybe she does this medium stuff for attention. I was young once.. it was fun. But it had to stop before it controled me.
well thats it for now.
izm (ps yeah i know i jsut didnt have the time to try to psychoannalise this...maybe let's leave that up to the commented conversations.....my questions center on what is the brain doing.......is there cognitive dissonence involved, how much is out and out lieing, and how common are the experiences of those people who claim spirit guides, Is there a meglo mania aspect...is it the person's or the spirit's (that being the part of the person that they have to become in order to express because of their own self esteem issues)............sheesh lots of ideas for the topicing.....
*chirp chirp*
Friday, September 12, 2008
Monday, September 8, 2008
Depression, doin' it zen-style
Let's talk about depression.
What i present will be according to the mechanics of my own mentality. it works for me. You may try to adopt any variation of the same, suited to your very own mental mechanics.
I used to be depressed. I am seldom suicidal anymore.That does not mean that i am free from emotional cycles or that I never have a self hating thought. But that i can recognise the words of thought, and realise they are false.
I can teach myself how to notice and understand the meaning and root and ridiculousness of these thoughts. I can also feel my emotions without the emotions attached to this thought pattern.
I am not these thoughts. I may separate myself from them, and control them.
Realise these thoughts. Watch them, how they mount in revolution. each darker and more hurtful. And the seduction of the desire to believe and act on these thoughts. How they beckon for action, for destruction.
See....
This spiral of thought has no power over me.
Even if i chose to believe it.
I am not that. I observe that. I react or respond to that.
These particular thoughts can only aggravate and distract.
What would they be distracting me from?
For me, the enjoyment of a peaceful moment, the time needed to give attention to my mundane life, the need of the work that lies waiting, and the simple enjoyment of life as it comes and the use of coping mechanisms when life is less than enjoyable, are the main objects from which these useless negative thoughts distract me.
Learn.
How do you chose your thoughts. And can you find happiness and enjoyment in the tiny moments you can liberate from negative reaction?
And now for a few side barre and likely not related thoughts from people who died a long long time ago........
From the TAO poem 72
When people are not awed by authority,
then great authority is attained.
Their homes are not small to them,
their livelihood not tiresome.
Therefore sages know themselves
but to not see themselves.
They take care of themselves
but do not exalt themselves.
So, they take one
and leave the other.
And "The Quest" a statement from Ying-an from some little Zen Book
The Quest of *real followers* of the path is just to oppose birth and death; they do not look for it in the sayings found in various sources in ancient and modern books. They just step back into themselves and bring it to mind, coolly yet keenly at the very root and stem.
Suddenly their hands slip, they lose their footing, and they are lost: this is graduation from the study of a lifetime.
Perceiving independently, like a solitary lamp, for the first time they are manifestly empowered.
They are like mountains: How could the fears of life and death shake them any more?
And again from TAO 70
My sayings are very easy to recognise,
and very easy to apply.
But no one in the world can recognise them,
and no one can apply them.
Sayings have a source,
events have a leader.
It is through ignorance
that i am not known.
Those who know me are rare;
those who emulate me are noble.
This is why sages dress plainly,
and conceal that is precious.
and From Jesus....
I speak unto the public in parables, that seeing they see not, but unto you it is given to know the mysteries of god.
and.....
You people spend your time listening to your brain babble at you about how stupid and worthless you are and how everything is your fault..oh my gawd you are the most sorry excuse for a human being i have ever seen.............
sheesh............you really need to work on a new mental hobby dude.
your guru signing out.
What i present will be according to the mechanics of my own mentality. it works for me. You may try to adopt any variation of the same, suited to your very own mental mechanics.
I used to be depressed. I am seldom suicidal anymore.That does not mean that i am free from emotional cycles or that I never have a self hating thought. But that i can recognise the words of thought, and realise they are false.
I can teach myself how to notice and understand the meaning and root and ridiculousness of these thoughts. I can also feel my emotions without the emotions attached to this thought pattern.
I am not these thoughts. I may separate myself from them, and control them.
Realise these thoughts. Watch them, how they mount in revolution. each darker and more hurtful. And the seduction of the desire to believe and act on these thoughts. How they beckon for action, for destruction.
See....
This spiral of thought has no power over me.
Even if i chose to believe it.
I am not that. I observe that. I react or respond to that.
These particular thoughts can only aggravate and distract.
What would they be distracting me from?
For me, the enjoyment of a peaceful moment, the time needed to give attention to my mundane life, the need of the work that lies waiting, and the simple enjoyment of life as it comes and the use of coping mechanisms when life is less than enjoyable, are the main objects from which these useless negative thoughts distract me.
Learn.
How do you chose your thoughts. And can you find happiness and enjoyment in the tiny moments you can liberate from negative reaction?
And now for a few side barre and likely not related thoughts from people who died a long long time ago........
From the TAO poem 72
When people are not awed by authority,
then great authority is attained.
Their homes are not small to them,
their livelihood not tiresome.
Therefore sages know themselves
but to not see themselves.
They take care of themselves
but do not exalt themselves.
So, they take one
and leave the other.
And "The Quest" a statement from Ying-an from some little Zen Book
The Quest of *real followers* of the path is just to oppose birth and death; they do not look for it in the sayings found in various sources in ancient and modern books. They just step back into themselves and bring it to mind, coolly yet keenly at the very root and stem.
Suddenly their hands slip, they lose their footing, and they are lost: this is graduation from the study of a lifetime.
Perceiving independently, like a solitary lamp, for the first time they are manifestly empowered.
They are like mountains: How could the fears of life and death shake them any more?
And again from TAO 70
My sayings are very easy to recognise,
and very easy to apply.
But no one in the world can recognise them,
and no one can apply them.
Sayings have a source,
events have a leader.
It is through ignorance
that i am not known.
Those who know me are rare;
those who emulate me are noble.
This is why sages dress plainly,
and conceal that is precious.
and From Jesus....
I speak unto the public in parables, that seeing they see not, but unto you it is given to know the mysteries of god.
and.....
You people spend your time listening to your brain babble at you about how stupid and worthless you are and how everything is your fault..oh my gawd you are the most sorry excuse for a human being i have ever seen.............
sheesh............you really need to work on a new mental hobby dude.
your guru signing out.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Me, bitching about missionaries and shit
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jmj-_BB6zWY "Bad Manna" part one, please do follow up with parts 2 and 3. It will take about 30 min of your time, but in my opinion should be a wake up call to both Christians and human rights activists. I have found a new subject that i am passionate about, that is the behavior of "Christians" when they are in the mission field. There is another site.... http://www.christianaggression.org/tactics.php Which deals with the "Evangelical agenda" in Asia and beyond, which is to destroy cultures for Jesus and to bring on the second coming.
I had never known why, but even as a child i never supported missionaries. It was as if my gut did not trust or believe in their work. And recently my gut reactions have been justified with knowledge. The government of India is working to pass Anti-conversion Laws, because the missionaries use bribery, and force, and tare up families to get converts. They promise miracles and they build schools and hospitals that they make the people pay for in conversions and hatred of their neighbors , in the name of Christ. I think the videos speak for themselves better than i can.
*Taking about 4:20 minutes to compose my thoughts, while you watch the video and peruse the site*
Coming Into *real* time, my time, IZM time.
*promises myself that i will edit later...really i will. *
I, of course, have not just gotten back *here* from watching my posted videos. Personally i have come back from joking with my daughter, and thinking a millions thoughts about what i would like to talk about tonight.....and having some MAJOR difficulty with figuring out what to call this piece. Even now i am dissatisfied with the title.
It is not poetic ...( if it is then assume i achieved bliss).....and neither is the dark stream of human disgust i feel for the actions of humanity. And this time , in particular the humanity within Christianity. But also in my rambling mind ( hey doc ,is this "racing thoughts", do i get a check mark in that box? label me a 8.) There is also the *reality* of my children still wake, that means meaningful necessary distractions that can sometimes be very hard to labor against. And the thoughts arguing that they are the ones most important to be what i want to mention. And the other thoughts. but we don't talk about them *mwwwaahhhhh* I really need to meditate and come back to you....... * goes to fucking editing until my mind gets straight again.*
*woohoo i figured out how to work spell check.....(hey doc, am i fucking autistic?)
First, do any of my readers know that argument against the Bible that goes, If GOD wrote it, shouldn't it have had correct science, and information compatible with current knowledge?
I agree, shouldn't the word of god include wisdom that keeps on giving.....and knowledge that yields knowledge? Should it Not ?....
Well my atheist friends i have found it........the word of god...........well maybe parts of it.
Wouldn't you know it, god has written a holy book. At least parts of a holy book. I mean there is allot of myth....but the parts he wrote have knowledge in them yet to be debunked...i suggest you go seek it out.
We're talking electricity in 300 bce. Iron working about then too. Mathematics that we depend on today. Astronomy that agrees with modern understanding. These Holy books have it.
They are called the Vedas. But well, I have to admit, when I picked one up to actually read it, it looked like a bunch of hymns and long winded praises and names of god. Ill have to research this slowly.
But I have seen documentaries. and um i do study yoga......
Look around you tube. Fascinating stuff. and i got to wondering......
SO maybe the Bible's god did not answer to those parameters, but apparently the Hindu Brahman did. Do you consent to conversion? Or is there really another issue you have with the entity hitherto known as God?
Of course, you may fairly argue that the men who wrote the words created the knowledge.
I would say they merely discovered it. Should we lose all our information, and forget all that we knew, our minds, after such a reboot would start by studying his environment. As we did, we would again study the movement of stars, learn about growing food, discover counting and so forth and so on. The people post Apocalypse will someday possess the same knowledge we have now. Though it may take a different evaluation-al approach.
This is discovery of that which already is, and not new knowledge. New to us perhaps but existing form beyond our perspective.
You may also fairly argue, that a god who can shit stars really does not need to be worshiped.
I say.......LMAO........he sure does..... i mean lets pray he misses us.
From here the argument degenerates into a volley of there is a god no there is not, well religions are false, no they are not. Oh yeah well, Christians are evil, those weren't real Christians. and so forth and so on that keeps you people happy blaming others.
It is a distraction. In Hinduism you don't even have to be a believer...god left science in his afterglow. Truth exists.get over it. Why should truth not also exist as or in mankind?
It is this big what if that keeps us going.
I have read a comment from a stupid non Hindu about some violence happening in India. He said. "well if that's what Hinduism teaches , you can keep it." Only i am sure this man was much more vile in his comment.
this makes my brain crack. See i read their scripture. I enjoy life because of the things it taught me. Where do you get off judging a religion by its practitioners anyway. They are only human.
It is ourselves we must judge. If you are so harsh with them, will you apply that toward yourself.....how well do you follow your logical creed? DO you love? DO you believe in Justice?
It is only ourselves that we must perfect to our liking. The blame does not fall upon another.
Even if we blame god, the logical end of god is our own reflection.
SO i am so sorry atheists......i mean it sucks for you too, at least you hope your consciousness is merely electric current that dies with you.
that freaks me out man.........i just * know* consciousness goes on.and i can chose how i pretend it. But to each their own.
*praise Jesus*
Those fucking missionaries......
It really is something for a liberal hearted person like me to feel in my gut......"Christians are evil"
Those Christians are being evil.
And it is the Pentecostals, the Ass of god and the Baptists.........Those damned healing preachers......i fucking hate them.
But don't let my biased persuade you either way on the issue of their behavior. And you judgment as to weather or not it is something you can support.
I truly wish Christians back home in the pews would really check out their own missionaries.
I have heard a christian argue that "we should not pray for peace on people who are unsaved. Because then they would never know that they needed Jesus."
I suppose that sounds right to many. How far the Dhrama has dropped. How far the Depravity of common sense.
I thought Jesus taught us differently. If the world had more natural peace, wouldn't it be easier to win them to Christ? If the troubled souls where comforted where they are in life, wouldn't it be easier to speak of god loving them? If the hungry where fed and kept safe wouldn't they already know god is, with out you ever having to speak a word about Jesus?
Oh ....got you..........some of you are attached to that name.and would not dream of not speaking it. (oh shit here comes the doctrines of demons ablashfeeeming da lawd.)
Listen.
If you true prayed to Jesus for peace to your enemies, and you are also willing to make yourselves peaceable and it spreads.....isn't that *work* Jesus doing? (yes) ok...Does Jesus announce himself? (um, no)....Then why do you need to? Let the Holy Ghost speak, let those who ask you about the peace within, to see your proclamations of Jesus.
Some may fairly argue that simply isn't the case in Christianity, and *they comfortingly banter* it is not apparent in any other religion. All i can say is does any of the notion of goodness exist in your actions? How can we make that kindness spread to others? Cant even Atheist's chose loving and choose less their greed?
This is because something is dead within. The apathy toward peace and good will is not because of a religion anyway. And it is not because of a god delusion ....well maybe it is because of a god delusion...that is an ego biased warped psychosis of doing things in the name of god and being like unto Cain in your walk and understanding of god.....anyway....
But if what is causing our blindness to just being truth seeking people and being right toward each other, is a god-delusion, then it follows there must be a god-correctly. I do not think that a the opposite of god-delusion is atheist.
If we are deluded about god then our religions and our practices of life will bear their result. But then if we deny god exists and life according to our more Noble consciousness and out lives bear the results of that. We still have a god-delusion. Our thoughts about god that we no longer believe in, that we are liberated from are still delusional. Your merely discovered that those ideas where wrong and halted inquiry. Your ignoring those old ways of thought is no measure of how less deluded you are but a measure of things discarded. God-truth might be discovered as you study your self, how you operate, and how far your mind can expand and understand. AS you discover truth, you come to understand that things we associate with the vague primal notion of god. And that there is a very fine line between self and god. Each are as expansive as the other.
If you lose the imagination of god and absolutely have no clue about this mystical shit i am laying down ok ok..i hear you brother......
You have the essence of life...your existence can be what ever you make it. It all matters on how you think. If you think with bad intent, bad reality manifests.
opps i was rambling about god again...what was i talking about before.....
*pauses to go chat with a friend*
Friday, August 22, 2008
comunication issues and a thought about Jesus
I have a handicap do do not communicate well. Oh yes, I can write when I am so prone, but I cannot write communication in letters and Thread Boards. I am very in the stream of conscious and do not pay attention to rules and syntax, much like a poet expressing depth as well as form.
I also presume over much that my audience is keen and educated and able to at least to the research. Which reminds me of a recent sin I committed.
I was trying to have a conversation but I really did not get my facts straight. I think I was out of line. Yet I desperately want to be able to ask deep questions to understand what the benefit of the struggle with oneself to kill all pretense of god, rather than to change your mind about what god means?
The very question must seem haughty and vulgar of me. I guess it is kinda a blame.
My question presumes they did not find the right answer. Which in turn presumes that I believe I have found the answer.
But over and over again I see stories of how hard and painful the struggle to let go of all *god * oriented imagination. I wonder why.
Is it because you dont want to be confused by lies anymore?
Is it because it is confusing to figure out the difference between illusion and truth?
I got to say, doesnt the struggle for our sanities last well after we debunk our faith?
What if god has no part in religion? What if your arguments that if the Bible god was a real god, he would be a god of evil are spot on and God applauds your realization and freedom of thought?
Does not one knowledge lead to another? Hasn't God traditionally been a human quest object not a college level thesis?
Hurray you saw that the religion you where trying to make happen for yourself was not interpreted correctly. It did not know how to reach you. But do you still believe in truth? Or do you still any of the life clues that holy book might have contained?
Of course you do.
I was on my face in tears the night I came to realize my bible was man made. I begged god to not let my faith die. Then I vowed that if god is truth, then I trust he will lead me to truth. I will find him. I will know him.
I was angry with god for a while. And I even considered many of the atheist arguments. But they all had one thing in common. Their arguments did not address how I viewed god and theology.
Their descriptions of religious delusion and indoctrination did not fit my experience of my relationship with Christ.
Those arguments lumped most of my personal experiences as subjective, wishful thinking, Deistic rather than Theistic, and non-falsifiable.
So they only debunked half of faith.
Psychology tells me my frontal lobes are freaking out or I have been in sustained Alpha/Beta consciousness or I am nuts here is a pill. I gotta say, the fantasy that I identify with a god beats that. As I sometimes actually go thru moods of prayer and I think god is there too.......*shock therapy and I do not mix*
Of itself belief in deity is not an evil. It is intended to help a human ward off the doing of evil. But people are not often self observant. They hide behind intelligence, emotion and desire.
Anyway....
So I also have a problem with my grade school grammar. Run on sentences and dropped trained of thought. The stuff of nightmares for many users of the English language. I ought to edit better. So it is only fair that I *gulp write a first draft at the very least.
But you all can kiss my ass about my spelling..... does it really make it harder to understand me?
OK for my eye-strained readers, some random thoughts.
I read at Debunking Christianity a article discussing why Jesus could not be an acceptable sacrifice according to biblical law. And I have an idea in defense of Christianity. It is a warped kind of theological jumping about, but so far promising a twinge of “hum, could be”
Well, my communications skills being prepubescent at best, I ought not try to express my thinks there.
http://debunkingchristianity.blogspot.com/2008/08/why-jesus-fails-to-qualify-as-neither.html
So to you, my thoughts on the subject.
In the beginning God rejected Cain's offering and accepted Abel's.
Cain represented our efforts to present ourselves to god. And Able represented simply giving the best we had. God accepted Abel's best as it was a natural choice. Able wanted to give the best from what he felt god provided. Where Cain may have engineered the biggest pumpkin ever given to god, a gift of vanity.
With Jesus, we have god on earth and what we make of him. “Cain” offered his hatred of god and gave a disgusting sacrifice. And God accepted the lowest as the best we had. More over god accepted our hatred so he could show love as much. All the “Ables” of humanity have only to accept that god accepts what they give him in love and in hate.
The only choice they have to live by is what kind of offering they give and what they receive back.
I also presume over much that my audience is keen and educated and able to at least to the research. Which reminds me of a recent sin I committed.
I was trying to have a conversation but I really did not get my facts straight. I think I was out of line. Yet I desperately want to be able to ask deep questions to understand what the benefit of the struggle with oneself to kill all pretense of god, rather than to change your mind about what god means?
The very question must seem haughty and vulgar of me. I guess it is kinda a blame.
My question presumes they did not find the right answer. Which in turn presumes that I believe I have found the answer.
But over and over again I see stories of how hard and painful the struggle to let go of all *god * oriented imagination. I wonder why.
Is it because you dont want to be confused by lies anymore?
Is it because it is confusing to figure out the difference between illusion and truth?
I got to say, doesnt the struggle for our sanities last well after we debunk our faith?
What if god has no part in religion? What if your arguments that if the Bible god was a real god, he would be a god of evil are spot on and God applauds your realization and freedom of thought?
Does not one knowledge lead to another? Hasn't God traditionally been a human quest object not a college level thesis?
Hurray you saw that the religion you where trying to make happen for yourself was not interpreted correctly. It did not know how to reach you. But do you still believe in truth? Or do you still any of the life clues that holy book might have contained?
Of course you do.
I was on my face in tears the night I came to realize my bible was man made. I begged god to not let my faith die. Then I vowed that if god is truth, then I trust he will lead me to truth. I will find him. I will know him.
I was angry with god for a while. And I even considered many of the atheist arguments. But they all had one thing in common. Their arguments did not address how I viewed god and theology.
Their descriptions of religious delusion and indoctrination did not fit my experience of my relationship with Christ.
Those arguments lumped most of my personal experiences as subjective, wishful thinking, Deistic rather than Theistic, and non-falsifiable.
So they only debunked half of faith.
Psychology tells me my frontal lobes are freaking out or I have been in sustained Alpha/Beta consciousness or I am nuts here is a pill. I gotta say, the fantasy that I identify with a god beats that. As I sometimes actually go thru moods of prayer and I think god is there too.......*shock therapy and I do not mix*
Of itself belief in deity is not an evil. It is intended to help a human ward off the doing of evil. But people are not often self observant. They hide behind intelligence, emotion and desire.
Anyway....
So I also have a problem with my grade school grammar. Run on sentences and dropped trained of thought. The stuff of nightmares for many users of the English language. I ought to edit better. So it is only fair that I *gulp write a first draft at the very least.
But you all can kiss my ass about my spelling..... does it really make it harder to understand me?
OK for my eye-strained readers, some random thoughts.
I read at Debunking Christianity a article discussing why Jesus could not be an acceptable sacrifice according to biblical law. And I have an idea in defense of Christianity. It is a warped kind of theological jumping about, but so far promising a twinge of “hum, could be”
Well, my communications skills being prepubescent at best, I ought not try to express my thinks there.
http://debunkingchristianity.blogspot.com/2008/08/why-jesus-fails-to-qualify-as-neither.html
So to you, my thoughts on the subject.
In the beginning God rejected Cain's offering and accepted Abel's.
Cain represented our efforts to present ourselves to god. And Able represented simply giving the best we had. God accepted Abel's best as it was a natural choice. Able wanted to give the best from what he felt god provided. Where Cain may have engineered the biggest pumpkin ever given to god, a gift of vanity.
With Jesus, we have god on earth and what we make of him. “Cain” offered his hatred of god and gave a disgusting sacrifice. And God accepted the lowest as the best we had. More over god accepted our hatred so he could show love as much. All the “Ables” of humanity have only to accept that god accepts what they give him in love and in hate.
The only choice they have to live by is what kind of offering they give and what they receive back.
Friday, August 8, 2008
Dark Ages, History, and human greed
I watched a show about the dark ages and the plauge last evening. It got me thinking a few things i should like to try and see if i can reiterate and make sencable here.
When i saw the multitudes of people dieing from the babaric hordes and vikings, the church and the black death, i wondered how many of those common persons where what our modern church would call *saved*.
I wager that mass droves of common people where afraid of the chruch's power to kill them and take their sustanence. I also wager that the common person barely 2 generations from celtic paganism and roman religion even understood the gospel.
Out of their understanding of scripture we have the flaggelant movement. A group of fanatics who thought they could masochistically reinact the whipping parts of the passion of Christ. They did this in order to try to pay enough pennence that god would turn back the black death.
After a short while ( as the plauge was from 1347 to 1350) this group of men went from *pious pentient* to church robbers and after whipping parties (with wemon). So much for cleaning up and repenting of sins to turn god's wrath.
Also during the same time the Chruch as so full of holy power that even the Pope was corrupt. Now, there was no other option. You had no choice wether you wanted to be a pentachast or a catholic. And you sure could not be a Spiritaulist. So a person of that time was born and baptised and raised with the priests breathing down their necks.
I dont think these people would be concidered *saved* at the time they lived. We are talking about people who belived that if you put a host waffer in a baby's crib it would ward off infant death. These people believed that if they put the blood of the Flaggelent on their eyes they would be saved from the death and blessed. They called it Miricle blood. IN short they did not know their scriptures, and the words they did know they attributed pagan/magical understandings.
You listen to these Christians who insist that the RCC is not saved, and those who do not know their scriptures well can be lost in a false cult. And i wonder, do they realise then, that the church they have today was built up on the souls of the damned? According to what chrisitans say makes for salvation, the people of the dark ages fall miserably short.
It is like first came Jesus and Paul, then came the political organisation of the church, which squelched and dorctinalised the christianity(ies) left behind after paul died. Turned it into the powerhouse it became. Not for the souls of men but for the power and station. Face it the churches first missionaries where well dressed barbaric hords.
It is like i can say, all the people from 150 ad thru to the Protestant reformation (1600's) was ALL the DOCTRINE of the CATHOLIC CHURCH. Therefore according to modern christianity, 600 years of FALSE TEACHING. Which equals..........Millions upon millions who went to hell during the darkest ages of history.
Even today with all our means for getting information, what ever we stored and believed now would be unrecognisable to the sincibilities of those people born 600 years form now. So supposeing a christian believes that he finially had the right interpretations of scripture and doctrine, the person 600 years form now would see us as completely off the mark and in our ignorance. Perhaps those of tomarrow will find our souls desparatly lost.
Let me try to state the point again, becasue it blows my mind. According to today's Christianity, the souls of the first 6 centuries are lost.
That means that the only thing that caused the growth of church power was Human greed.
Did you know, at some point around 1350, the christians thought that the black death was happening because they were allowing the Jews to live? Now, someone please tell me where the doctrines say we are supposed to kill jews to please god? But these people did. They thought the jews were poisioning wells, they thought that god was punishing them with *the black death* becasue they tolerated christ killers.
Human fear, greed, and acting out against unseen forces. It is like humanity gets confused and resort to the only thing we do well in a crisis.........kill violently, loot , fuck, and kill somemore.
Why did'nt people wake up and say all this violence and murder is fucking STUPID, and why dont we love our neighbors?
Of course they had given up on loving their neighbors becasue the price for careing was self sacrifice. Help a plauge victum could very well cost your life.
Seeing that show really frustrated me. Makes me hate humanity with more passion. We are greedy ignorant selfish fools. Makes me think how much i hate the idea that the death of me might come at the hands of a fool blinded by fear and hate. But in the hopeless eyes of a human-being, terrified about things he cannot control, my death is just so much mastbatory frustration release.
How fickle we are. How desparatly unimportant.
Another thought i had was, according to modern christianity , The Tribulation would be the worst of the worst that humanity has ever seen. I think Jesus' words where "there shall be a tribulation such as the world has never seen" He implied also that after this tribulation the sun would go dark and then the Judgement would commence with his return to rule earth. The people of teh dark ages cirtenly thought this was the BIG BAD that promised HIS return.
Well we know the dark ages where NOT that time. From this we may confir that over half of the population of earth dieing, barbaric mindless killing hords, currupt church run governments, famines, sickness, not being able to settle down and farm or rebuild society for hundreds of years....................IS NOT THE WORST TIME IN HISTORY>
According to those trigger happy rapturists, the worse is yet to come. Because Jesus did not come at the end of that tribulation like he promised.
Let me walk you thru a town in the plauge days......can you imagine 400 people dieing a day, laying about in the streets, piled up higher than a car? Imagine HALF of humanity today dead.
So many people died during the plauge that much of london is a mass grave yard. Not to mention all the trade towns in all of Europe are also graveyards. We truely are build up on the bones of dead men.
Directly after the Black death sweept its godly wrath on humanity, we did , as humans do, pick up the peices and enter into renewal. Families and towns rebuilt. Food was pleantyfull becasue , well becasue there was not as high a demand for food when cities worth of people have died.
Our diet changed then from dependance on grains to the addition of fruit and veggies and more meat. Things where looking up for humans. Babies where born and the future looked good. The former peasents could now buy land for themselves.
But the Rich people did not like to have to plant their own feilds. The rich people did not like to have to depend on their own backs for life support. So guess what they DID?
Oh come on guess.
Yup they sent their surplus of knights left over from the crusades to terrorise and loot the Towns people.
You have watched your mother, brothers ,sisters and father die from plauge.....you have that fresh in your memory, and all seems well now. You look into your baby's healthy eyes, and see the future. And then your town gets raided and they kill your child and rape your wife to death, while cleaning out your barn. And i would wager those human fucktards likly burned your feilds too, so you would be forced back into surfdom and work the feilds of the rich.
Not fair huh?
bloody horrific, evil and repulsive. These are my people. These are your people.
Have you ever asked yourself why we are not barbaric hords today? Is it fear of our governments? Is it becasue there is plenty food? Is it because we are more educated?
nope.
Did you know that america has a pretty high illiteracy rate? 2 out of 3 americans cannot read adaquatly. SO you cant say education keeps us from forming bands of raiders. Maybe it is becasue we have plenty food. But that is a fickle stance.
Shall we become hords of raiders again once our over population becomes apparant?
Of course some people dont think we are over populated as a planet. I do.
I look at the number of American Indians that had lived in North America for hundreds of years before white man got here. They did not over populate. There was plenty room for them and the white men to share land. And what did we do.....
Go on guess.
YUP! we killed and relocated them so we could have their land and credit it to our wealth. And we have in less time than the Indians EXISTED in america, infested the land like rats. In 200 years we have filled up every space in habitable in america. That is over population.
............
What next?
............
I though something about how ineffectaul our repentence was in the dark ages. They sent troops in to crush prostitution and gambeling, to make people more pious. And it didnt even last 2 years. Therefore in retrospect we can see that it was completely useless. It did nothing to desuede god nor did the punishment change men. When a few men blessed god for the end of the plauge and set about to live again, more human greed destroyed it.
You know how the bible always goes on about the jews getting bad and then god judged and/or saved them and then a few years later they are all corrupt again? (read the book of judges )It used to make me very angery at jews for being pig headed when it comes to obeying the Lord.
Now i laugh at myself. ALL HUMANITY tells the tale of judges. We are the stiff necked and rebellious people, simply by being human.
IS that an argument for original sin? No..... not as such. It is a testament to the inefectaul promises of the bible. Men have tried to repent, but they are incapible. A few manage to repent but the others wont let it stick. So even if we found the *RIGHT* religion, OTHER HUMANS wont let you enjoy it, becasue they want what you have. They want your money, your service, and even your bodies to fight their wars. SO it really doesnt seem to matter wether or not you wish to be right with god. NO ONE ELSE DOES. And according to the bible, God will judge us as NATIONS and groups as well as individauls.
gawd.........i think im just babbleing here. Imputent and frustrated becasue i am human. And what i say does not matter.
DAMN IT I GOT MYSELF DEPRESSED AGAIN>..........wheres my pills!!!!
IZM
(PS sorry folks the friggen spell checker didnt work again)
When i saw the multitudes of people dieing from the babaric hordes and vikings, the church and the black death, i wondered how many of those common persons where what our modern church would call *saved*.
I wager that mass droves of common people where afraid of the chruch's power to kill them and take their sustanence. I also wager that the common person barely 2 generations from celtic paganism and roman religion even understood the gospel.
Out of their understanding of scripture we have the flaggelant movement. A group of fanatics who thought they could masochistically reinact the whipping parts of the passion of Christ. They did this in order to try to pay enough pennence that god would turn back the black death.
After a short while ( as the plauge was from 1347 to 1350) this group of men went from *pious pentient* to church robbers and after whipping parties (with wemon). So much for cleaning up and repenting of sins to turn god's wrath.
Also during the same time the Chruch as so full of holy power that even the Pope was corrupt. Now, there was no other option. You had no choice wether you wanted to be a pentachast or a catholic. And you sure could not be a Spiritaulist. So a person of that time was born and baptised and raised with the priests breathing down their necks.
I dont think these people would be concidered *saved* at the time they lived. We are talking about people who belived that if you put a host waffer in a baby's crib it would ward off infant death. These people believed that if they put the blood of the Flaggelent on their eyes they would be saved from the death and blessed. They called it Miricle blood. IN short they did not know their scriptures, and the words they did know they attributed pagan/magical understandings.
You listen to these Christians who insist that the RCC is not saved, and those who do not know their scriptures well can be lost in a false cult. And i wonder, do they realise then, that the church they have today was built up on the souls of the damned? According to what chrisitans say makes for salvation, the people of the dark ages fall miserably short.
It is like first came Jesus and Paul, then came the political organisation of the church, which squelched and dorctinalised the christianity(ies) left behind after paul died. Turned it into the powerhouse it became. Not for the souls of men but for the power and station. Face it the churches first missionaries where well dressed barbaric hords.
It is like i can say, all the people from 150 ad thru to the Protestant reformation (1600's) was ALL the DOCTRINE of the CATHOLIC CHURCH. Therefore according to modern christianity, 600 years of FALSE TEACHING. Which equals..........Millions upon millions who went to hell during the darkest ages of history.
Even today with all our means for getting information, what ever we stored and believed now would be unrecognisable to the sincibilities of those people born 600 years form now. So supposeing a christian believes that he finially had the right interpretations of scripture and doctrine, the person 600 years form now would see us as completely off the mark and in our ignorance. Perhaps those of tomarrow will find our souls desparatly lost.
Let me try to state the point again, becasue it blows my mind. According to today's Christianity, the souls of the first 6 centuries are lost.
That means that the only thing that caused the growth of church power was Human greed.
Did you know, at some point around 1350, the christians thought that the black death was happening because they were allowing the Jews to live? Now, someone please tell me where the doctrines say we are supposed to kill jews to please god? But these people did. They thought the jews were poisioning wells, they thought that god was punishing them with *the black death* becasue they tolerated christ killers.
Human fear, greed, and acting out against unseen forces. It is like humanity gets confused and resort to the only thing we do well in a crisis.........kill violently, loot , fuck, and kill somemore.
Why did'nt people wake up and say all this violence and murder is fucking STUPID, and why dont we love our neighbors?
Of course they had given up on loving their neighbors becasue the price for careing was self sacrifice. Help a plauge victum could very well cost your life.
Seeing that show really frustrated me. Makes me hate humanity with more passion. We are greedy ignorant selfish fools. Makes me think how much i hate the idea that the death of me might come at the hands of a fool blinded by fear and hate. But in the hopeless eyes of a human-being, terrified about things he cannot control, my death is just so much mastbatory frustration release.
How fickle we are. How desparatly unimportant.
Another thought i had was, according to modern christianity , The Tribulation would be the worst of the worst that humanity has ever seen. I think Jesus' words where "there shall be a tribulation such as the world has never seen" He implied also that after this tribulation the sun would go dark and then the Judgement would commence with his return to rule earth. The people of teh dark ages cirtenly thought this was the BIG BAD that promised HIS return.
Well we know the dark ages where NOT that time. From this we may confir that over half of the population of earth dieing, barbaric mindless killing hords, currupt church run governments, famines, sickness, not being able to settle down and farm or rebuild society for hundreds of years....................IS NOT THE WORST TIME IN HISTORY>
According to those trigger happy rapturists, the worse is yet to come. Because Jesus did not come at the end of that tribulation like he promised.
Let me walk you thru a town in the plauge days......can you imagine 400 people dieing a day, laying about in the streets, piled up higher than a car? Imagine HALF of humanity today dead.
So many people died during the plauge that much of london is a mass grave yard. Not to mention all the trade towns in all of Europe are also graveyards. We truely are build up on the bones of dead men.
Directly after the Black death sweept its godly wrath on humanity, we did , as humans do, pick up the peices and enter into renewal. Families and towns rebuilt. Food was pleantyfull becasue , well becasue there was not as high a demand for food when cities worth of people have died.
Our diet changed then from dependance on grains to the addition of fruit and veggies and more meat. Things where looking up for humans. Babies where born and the future looked good. The former peasents could now buy land for themselves.
But the Rich people did not like to have to plant their own feilds. The rich people did not like to have to depend on their own backs for life support. So guess what they DID?
Oh come on guess.
Yup they sent their surplus of knights left over from the crusades to terrorise and loot the Towns people.
You have watched your mother, brothers ,sisters and father die from plauge.....you have that fresh in your memory, and all seems well now. You look into your baby's healthy eyes, and see the future. And then your town gets raided and they kill your child and rape your wife to death, while cleaning out your barn. And i would wager those human fucktards likly burned your feilds too, so you would be forced back into surfdom and work the feilds of the rich.
Not fair huh?
bloody horrific, evil and repulsive. These are my people. These are your people.
Have you ever asked yourself why we are not barbaric hords today? Is it fear of our governments? Is it becasue there is plenty food? Is it because we are more educated?
nope.
Did you know that america has a pretty high illiteracy rate? 2 out of 3 americans cannot read adaquatly. SO you cant say education keeps us from forming bands of raiders. Maybe it is becasue we have plenty food. But that is a fickle stance.
Shall we become hords of raiders again once our over population becomes apparant?
Of course some people dont think we are over populated as a planet. I do.
I look at the number of American Indians that had lived in North America for hundreds of years before white man got here. They did not over populate. There was plenty room for them and the white men to share land. And what did we do.....
Go on guess.
YUP! we killed and relocated them so we could have their land and credit it to our wealth. And we have in less time than the Indians EXISTED in america, infested the land like rats. In 200 years we have filled up every space in habitable in america. That is over population.
............
What next?
............
I though something about how ineffectaul our repentence was in the dark ages. They sent troops in to crush prostitution and gambeling, to make people more pious. And it didnt even last 2 years. Therefore in retrospect we can see that it was completely useless. It did nothing to desuede god nor did the punishment change men. When a few men blessed god for the end of the plauge and set about to live again, more human greed destroyed it.
You know how the bible always goes on about the jews getting bad and then god judged and/or saved them and then a few years later they are all corrupt again? (read the book of judges )It used to make me very angery at jews for being pig headed when it comes to obeying the Lord.
Now i laugh at myself. ALL HUMANITY tells the tale of judges. We are the stiff necked and rebellious people, simply by being human.
IS that an argument for original sin? No..... not as such. It is a testament to the inefectaul promises of the bible. Men have tried to repent, but they are incapible. A few manage to repent but the others wont let it stick. So even if we found the *RIGHT* religion, OTHER HUMANS wont let you enjoy it, becasue they want what you have. They want your money, your service, and even your bodies to fight their wars. SO it really doesnt seem to matter wether or not you wish to be right with god. NO ONE ELSE DOES. And according to the bible, God will judge us as NATIONS and groups as well as individauls.
gawd.........i think im just babbleing here. Imputent and frustrated becasue i am human. And what i say does not matter.
DAMN IT I GOT MYSELF DEPRESSED AGAIN>..........wheres my pills!!!!
IZM
(PS sorry folks the friggen spell checker didnt work again)
Friday, August 1, 2008
My Keith Ablow delusion
I am totally a closet stalker.... (Arm chair stalker?)
I joined this *living the truth* community, simply BECAUSE it is sponsored by Keith Ablow. I have watched his career advance since he was writing wonderful murder/detective/psycho novels.
He seemed brilliant. But over the last ohhhhh 6 years i have seen his whole modis operendi change.
No, he has not evolved, he just plays a media image game. He's trying to secure an audience. Oh? You dont know who he is yet?
Aw..........he is that CNN commenting shrink on tv. He appears from time to time as the resident nutbag know it all. I once adored his mind and his ever learning about it, but at this point in his life other pursuits have him engaged.
Well i certainly do type like a stalker.
Why have my feelings turned sour? Oh can't I handle that he isn't writing anymore?....I mean such a fantasy runs in my family. My mother used to talk of kidnapping Stephen King and she and my aunt would hold him ransom for the price of a book they could collaborate on......THEN
( and i do mean afterward)
Mister King wrote...........ah..........you know it. I swear to god.I hope that power passed to me because I wish for Mister King to write a sequel to the Shinning...I already have the outline written. She used to say that some how they share parts of a mind.
But my obsession with Ablow was that he seemed to understand what makes brains tick. He seemed to have a psychological intuition.....or an empathy. I thought it was the source of his brilliance in writing. And i naturally assumed he was such an doctor. IF he is capable of such insight, i daresay he has lot touch with it for an ego trip.
OR maybe that is just my mental sour grapes because at least as a writer I stood SOME remote albeit it expensive chance to have met him in a session, but now he is untouchable. Or that he once sent me an actual personal email that promised personality and touching realities with each other.
And well he was not big on keeping that. I merely read to much into his human use of thrilling threat to a *fan*. I had wrote to his fan site........i forget what i said, and i am sure i was an in mature babbler wanting him to psycho-Annalise me, cure me, and be my best friend all in one email.
(Yes even fake guru's have childish wishes)
Pattern stalker mental groovenyess right? ALL the crazies want empathy. And this man, or at least his darker inner author self knows he is a psycho magnet. It is his charisma.
But what was my idea of his charisma, he really doesn't seem to show much of. He is a public figure now. And my little fantasy of being a respectable shrink's friend will stay hardly touched in the back of my mind. But it does come up sometimes.
Like today. I went to check up on that site. And i realized something. Every time lately that i read his stuff and his commenters, I think it is all staged. is that a wee spot of apophenia?
But hear me out on this id. We both know that the common person is not articulate. We know the common fan and common commenter dont often make an clear and concise intellectually complete comments. They don't tend to state their comments as standing equal to the Author, or as insightful leading sub-comments as if to spark a discussion.
The common human, comments with deferment to the author. To bring out and authors point, to congratulate the author on helping them understand some aspect better. Or to challenge the author's point. Or to question or clarify.
But all his commenters seem more like colleagues. They, are too educated and not personal. Their posts seem to either behave like some common psychological stereotype, or seem to illicit certain types to respond. And some are *obviously* too dumb and fan-tastic.
It could be that I am interpreting it this way because they might be sifting thru many posts and choose the best or the worst based on come criteria. OR...... (and this the the delusion talking) It is indeed calculated. With a purpose to gather demigraphic-like information. For what ever purpose or en-devour mister Ablow may be reaching toward.
Know this, it has to do with security, influence and stature.
I was almost on his short stent of a on air shrink show. I was emailed and called back and talked to at length by his agent-PR person screener lady. I was asked if my husband and I where ...well....you know.......not too ugly to look at on screen.
I wanted to tell her....hey if it is image you are afraid of, my husband and i clean up nice, but if you want a real human interest thing it might cost about 15 grand to fix our teeth and pluck a few warts.
In real life..... The personal issue that my husband and I faced, was challenged into the foreground, and we decided that we had already moved past it and together still stand. And he was afraid that a national confrontation with Ablow would make a mockery out of us....or in particular of me. And he was afraid it also might change something about US. I concluded that the person that really needs my communication is my husband. And our relationship is sacred to me.
More than a chance to let that guy crawl into my head. I followed his show for about 6 hours. When I heard of the shows possible existence, I had emailed one of his former email addresses, and congratulated him, and wished him to kick Phil's ass and don't sell out.
Well as you might have guessed, somehow my little stalker psychosis is wrapped up a bit in the unresolved business of my husband and mine's past. How insightful. Oh you mean you did not pick that up? Damn it i am not as obvious as i seem.
That's right, I am the nut.
Ya know I am not really able to deal with everything WITH my husband alone. There are deep fears and a few situations of traumatic interest that are wrapped up in the time of the * happening of doom*. It might be nice to let someone in on my life..... But i am not sure i trust anyone to............
(so she blogs......is that not brilliant?)
ahhh but I have said nothing...........you saw. Now this happening of great doom, is not related to Ablow. I realized he really could not help us. I mean he could only tell us to communicate.......or draw us out .....or re-translate............ but two people can do that on their own.
I also realized I was running on this little fantasy of meeting Ablow...........and him becoming so impressed by me that we just click and talk for hours and hours and he and I discover the mechanics of the human psychosis and create the cure and die very happy and very rich. (umm the dieing being much much MUCH later in life and no where in the vicinity of each other)
OK so I didn't believe the fantasy. ... I am not THAT far gone. I was just brimming with racing thoughts, those where the nicer one's I had to shut off. At some point in my life i let even my fantasy shrink go. I believe I even wrote Ablow and asked for permission to use his name by way of reference if I chose to use it in my book. Um for the informally trained, that means I made an act of closure.
Now I have a passing interest in what he is doing. I also joined that community online for to see if there was anyway I could help others who chatted there. But I just haven't been interested to slug thru their introductions.
I really haven't been wanting to study and read thru anybodies blogged threads of thought, these days. I feel I have been tuning into just living....oh...and taking regular trips to *Buffy World* (i own all 7 seasons woo hoo. Mother would be proud) I want to find a Buffy the Vampire discussion board. I have my opening thread topic already..............
"IN Season 4, when Riley meets Angel.........I think they would have NEVER just fought like that..........in the *real* Buffy world they wouldn't have had such testosterone poisoning. At the very least Angel would have been the more mature and willing to talk like a gentle man. ESP it being after the fact that Buffy visited him in LA and he had treated her like a pain in the butt ex-girlfriend in front of his *new friends*. But...........well......see you later.
Word Salad's for fun and psychosis
I found a blog tool webamajigger and it makes theses......
this is a warped composite of the content of the pages the web tool thingamigigger scanned and crammed into this artful proof of my insanity. isn't it cool?
i am only slightly obsessed with walking my brain awound ( yes i spelled correctly) in circles.
and i found this loverly toy...... here....
http://wordle.net/
this is a warped composite of the content of the pages the web tool thingamigigger scanned and crammed into this artful proof of my insanity. isn't it cool?
i am only slightly obsessed with walking my brain awound ( yes i spelled correctly) in circles.
and i found this loverly toy...... here....
http://wordle.net/
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