comunication issues and a thought about Jesus

I have a handicap do do not communicate well. Oh yes, I can write when I am so prone, but I cannot write communication in letters and Thread Boards. I am very in the stream of conscious and do not pay attention to rules and syntax, much like a poet expressing depth as well as form.

I also presume over much that my audience is keen and educated and able to at least to the research. Which reminds me of a recent sin I committed.

I was trying to have a conversation but I really did not get my facts straight. I think I was out of line. Yet I desperately want to be able to ask deep questions to understand what the benefit of the struggle with oneself to kill all pretense of god, rather than to change your mind about what god means?


The very question must seem haughty and vulgar of me. I guess it is kinda a blame.


My question presumes they did not find the right answer. Which in turn presumes that I believe I have found the answer.

But over and over again I see stories of how hard and painful the struggle to let go of all *god * oriented imagination. I wonder why.
Is it because you dont want to be confused by lies anymore?
Is it because it is confusing to figure out the difference between illusion and truth?
I got to say, doesnt the struggle for our sanities last well after we debunk our faith?


What if god has no part in religion? What if your arguments that if the Bible god was a real god, he would be a god of evil are spot on and God applauds your realization and freedom of thought?
Does not one knowledge lead to another? Hasn't God traditionally been a human quest object not a college level thesis?

Hurray you saw that the religion you where trying to make happen for yourself was not interpreted correctly. It did not know how to reach you. But do you still believe in truth? Or do you still any of the life clues that holy book might have contained?


Of course you do.

I was on my face in tears the night I came to realize my bible was man made. I begged god to not let my faith die. Then I vowed that if god is truth, then I trust he will lead me to truth. I will find him. I will know him.


I was angry with god for a while. And I even considered many of the atheist arguments. But they all had one thing in common. Their arguments did not address how I viewed god and theology.

Their descriptions of religious delusion and indoctrination did not fit my experience of my relationship with Christ.

Those arguments lumped most of my personal experiences as subjective, wishful thinking, Deistic rather than Theistic, and non-falsifiable.

So they only debunked half of faith.

Psychology tells me my frontal lobes are freaking out or I have been in sustained Alpha/Beta consciousness or I am nuts here is a pill. I gotta say, the fantasy that I identify with a god beats that. As I sometimes actually go thru moods of prayer and I think god is there too.......*shock therapy and I do not mix*


Of itself belief in deity is not an evil. It is intended to help a human ward off the doing of evil. But people are not often self observant. They hide behind intelligence, emotion and desire.


Anyway....


So I also have a problem with my grade school grammar. Run on sentences and dropped trained of thought. The stuff of nightmares for many users of the English language. I ought to edit better. So it is only fair that I *gulp write a first draft at the very least.


But you all can kiss my ass about my spelling..... does it really make it harder to understand me?


OK for my eye-strained readers, some random thoughts.

I read at Debunking Christianity a article discussing why Jesus could not be an acceptable sacrifice according to biblical law. And I have an idea in defense of Christianity. It is a warped kind of theological jumping about, but so far promising a twinge of “hum, could be”
Well, my communications skills being prepubescent at best, I ought not try to express my thinks there.

http://debunkingchristianity.blogspot.com/2008/08/why-jesus-fails-to-qualify-as-neither.html



So to you, my thoughts on the subject.


In the beginning God rejected Cain's offering and accepted Abel's.
Cain represented our efforts to present ourselves to god. And Able represented simply giving the best we had. God accepted Abel's best as it was a natural choice. Able wanted to give the best from what he felt god provided. Where Cain may have engineered the biggest pumpkin ever given to god, a gift of vanity.

With Jesus, we have god on earth and what we make of him. “Cain” offered his hatred of god and gave a disgusting sacrifice. And God accepted the lowest as the best we had. More over god accepted our hatred so he could show love as much. All the “Ables” of humanity have only to accept that god accepts what they give him in love and in hate.

The only choice they have to live by is what kind of offering they give and what they receive back.