My Keith Ablow delusion

I am totally a closet stalker.... (Arm chair stalker?)

            I joined this *living the truth* community, simply BECAUSE it is sponsored by Keith Ablow.   I have watched his career advance since he was writing wonderful murder/detective/psycho novels. 

            He seemed brilliant. But over the last ohhhhh 6 years i have seen his whole modis operendi change.

            No, he has not evolved, he just plays a media image game. He's trying to secure an audience. Oh? You dont know who he is yet?

           Aw..........he is that CNN commenting shrink on tv. He appears from time to time as the resident nutbag know it all.  I once adored his mind and his ever learning about it, but at this point in his life other pursuits have him engaged.

                                         Well i certainly do type like a stalker. 

          Why have my feelings turned sour?  Oh can't I handle that he isn't writing anymore?....I mean such a fantasy runs in my family. My mother used to talk of kidnapping Stephen King and she and my aunt would hold him ransom for the price of a book they could collaborate on......THEN

 ( and i do mean afterward)

         Mister King wrote...........ah..........you know it.  I swear to god.I hope that power passed to me because I wish for Mister King to write a sequel to the Shinning...I already have the outline written. She used to say that some how they share parts of a mind.

          But my obsession with Ablow was that he seemed to understand what makes brains tick.  He seemed to have a psychological intuition.....or an empathy.  I thought it was the source of his brilliance in writing.  And i naturally assumed he was such an doctor.  IF he is capable of such insight, i daresay he has lot touch with it for an ego trip.

         OR maybe that is just my mental sour grapes because at least as a writer I stood SOME remote albeit it expensive chance to have met him in a session, but now he is untouchable.  Or that he once sent me an actual personal email that promised personality and touching realities with each other. 

         And well he was not big on keeping that. I merely read to much into his human use of thrilling threat to a *fan*.  I had wrote to his fan site........i forget what i said, and i am sure i was an in mature babbler wanting him to psycho-Annalise me,  cure me,  and be my best friend all in one email. 

                 (Yes even fake guru's have childish wishes) 

       Pattern stalker mental groovenyess right?  ALL the crazies want empathy.  And this man, or at least his darker inner author self knows he is a psycho magnet. It is his charisma.

       But what was my idea of his charisma, he really doesn't seem to show much of.  He is a public figure now.  And my little fantasy of being a respectable shrink's friend will stay hardly touched in the back of my mind.   But it does come up sometimes.  

     Like today.  I went to check up on that site. And i realized something.  Every time lately that i read his stuff and  his commenters, I think it is all staged. is that a wee spot of apophenia?

      But hear me out on this id.  We both know that the common person is not articulate. We know the common fan and common commenter dont often make an clear and concise intellectually complete comments.  They don't tend to state their comments as standing equal to the Author, or as insightful leading sub-comments as if to spark a discussion.

      The common human, comments with deferment to the author. To bring out and authors point, to congratulate the author on helping them understand some aspect better. Or to challenge the author's point.  Or to question or clarify.  

      But all his commenters seem more like colleagues. They, are too educated and not personal. Their posts seem to either behave like some common psychological stereotype, or seem to illicit certain types to respond.  And some are *obviously* too dumb and fan-tastic. 

      It could be that I am interpreting it this way because they might be sifting thru many posts and choose the best or the worst based on come criteria.  OR...... (and this the the delusion talking) It is indeed calculated.  With a purpose to gather demigraphic-like information.   For what ever purpose or en-devour mister Ablow may be reaching toward.

     Know this, it has to do with security, influence and stature. 

     I was almost on his short stent of a on air shrink show.  I was emailed and called back and talked to at length by his agent-PR person screener lady.  I was asked if my husband and I where ...well....you know.......not too ugly to look at on screen.

     I wanted to tell her....hey if it is image you are afraid of, my husband and i clean up nice, but if you want a real human interest thing it might cost about 15 grand to fix our teeth and pluck a few warts.

     In real life..... The personal issue that my husband and I faced, was challenged into the foreground, and we decided that we had already moved past it and together still stand.   And he was afraid that a national confrontation with Ablow would make a mockery out of us....or in particular of me. And he was afraid it also might change something about US. I concluded that the person that really needs my communication is my husband.  And our relationship is sacred to me. 

    More than a chance to let that guy crawl into my head. I followed his show for about 6 hours. When I heard of the shows possible existence,  I had emailed one of his former email addresses, and congratulated him, and wished him to kick Phil's ass and don't sell out.

    Well as you might have guessed, somehow my little stalker psychosis is wrapped up a bit in the unresolved business of my husband and mine's past. How insightful. Oh you mean you did not pick that up?  Damn it i am not as obvious as i seem.

                               That's right, I am the nut.

         Ya know I am not really able to deal with everything WITH my husband alone.   There are deep fears and a few situations of traumatic interest that are wrapped up in the time of the * happening of doom*.  It might be nice to let someone in on my life..... But i am not sure i trust anyone to............

                                    (so she blogs......is that not brilliant?) 

               ahhh but I have said nothing...........you saw.  Now this happening of great doom, is not related to Ablow.  I realized he really could not help us.  I mean he could only tell us to communicate.......or draw us out .....or re-translate............ but two people can do that on their own.

         I also realized I was running on this little fantasy of meeting Ablow...........and him becoming so impressed by me that we just click and talk for hours and hours and he and I discover the mechanics of the human psychosis and create the cure and die very happy and very rich. (umm the dieing being much much MUCH later in life and no where in the vicinity of each other)

         OK so I  didn't believe the fantasy. ... I am not THAT far gone. I was just brimming with racing thoughts, those where the nicer one's I had to shut off.  At some point in my life i let even my fantasy shrink go. I believe I even wrote Ablow and asked for permission to use his name by way of reference if I chose to use it in my book. Um for the informally trained, that means I made an act of closure.

      Now I have a passing interest in what he is doing. I also joined that community online for to see if there was anyway I could help others who chatted there. But I just haven't been interested to slug thru their introductions.

       I really haven't been wanting to study and read thru anybodies blogged threads of thought, these days. I feel I have been tuning into just living....oh...and taking regular trips to *Buffy World* (i own all 7 seasons woo hoo. Mother would be proud) I want to find a Buffy the Vampire discussion board. I have my opening thread topic already..............

 

      "IN Season 4, when Riley meets Angel.........I think they would have NEVER just fought like that..........in the *real* Buffy world they wouldn't have had such testosterone poisoning.  At the very least Angel would have been the more mature and willing to talk like a gentle man.  ESP it being after the fact that Buffy visited him in LA and he had treated her like a pain in the butt ex-girlfriend in front of his *new friends*.   But...........well......see you later.