why am i leaving the church; or, Happy new year!

            Oh there are so many reasons, i can hardly voice them all. I mean from what angle would make my full meaning expressed in terms that the reader will agree, and observe, and be liberated from the nasty vile thing i see? 

 

          But my attempt in this essay will be a deep spiritual look at my church, at myself, at the world, and a look at what i see. If i do this maybe i will have the guts to tell it in real life. 

        Why I just dont want to fight anymore, I want to settle in a belief structure that is wholly my own, just me and god, and let us live like when we where young, and full of sin. Free without fetters of any kind, no dogma but one's own reason. 

      Why I can never tell my pastor, I am leaving the church because ....please spent a week reading http://ex-christian.net/testimonials . Let your heart reach out to each and every person's story, feel their pain, KNOW their struggle..........love their humanity.  Cry with them, seek to understand them. 

     And you will see why I am leaving the church. I don't blame god for any of that. I blame YOU. 

 

 Oh I am sorry that was way too om shiva for ya.....too satanic?  

 

      Your satan is nothing but the thin veneer of meaningless hate and piss poor rebellion to reason. ALL religion is. IF you follow a religion you miss the meaning of them.

     And closing off your mind ....when god is all about expansion. He wants more of you la la la .............as you want more of him la la la . 

    Do you really believe that YOUR god wants you to surrender your ability to reason and make sense of the world around you: to not question...or better then that .......

"obedience" means you may think of all things, my son, but never think about defying me. For that, and the desires it leads too is SIN. And you will have to DIE........  

Sounds like fucking pillow talk! 

 

      YOU really want to believe that your whole mind is subject to god, and 'sin' is to think about whether what you think is truth really IS truth?

  Because that is the practice of christiany I see in my church. And though it sounds strange to me because a god that IS the definition of truth and Who would desire you to love It with ALL your body mind and soul, in spirit and in truth, so that the ideal of Jesus, that we may be one with the father even as he was one with his father...............

          that kind of all knowing, all holy god, would find that a shitty bargain. 

      I am thinking He would demand that we challenged every part of our minds, and explore everything available in the garden. And if we are his sons, then everything we would experience in that garden, would be blessed of him and in communion with his "way". 

     But when we turn away from this principle and try to make a RELIGION and a LOGIC, and a SCIENCE of it we splinter that Unity,  to me that is SIN. If not for turning away....... Each would be naked and know no sin. We would only know OUR unity with god. 

That means one on one with god. No intermediary, No thought frame, no reference.....but only the reference that exists is between you and god.

 

      IF you cannot have a god, if the image is just so tainted to imagine anymore, that is ok. Your covered. Just experience reality, don't try to box it in, don't get stuck in knowing the world and knowing the arguments. He is name above all names.............

  Think about what this means. NO-NAME.

      No-dogma, just seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and ALL these things will be added unto you..... perhaps it will be added unto you a name, a personal dogma, a singular finding and it your dwelling place. 

                              I bet that sounded a little preachy. 

 Let me convert it over in to the gospel according to the Atheist...... 

 

                 (takes a break, i dont know about you but i got intense there, need to eat, and re-read, meditate) 

             (and besides the kids are fighting instead of doing homework, makes blogging more difficult BBL) 

 

     Back to my little tale, maybe i'll catch that thought wave a little later. 

 

      Why I am leaving the church, Pastor. I am leaving because...... 

 

     Your people sound like beggars on the outside of a fire, singing, we have full bellies and we are nice and toasty. And we are highly favored of all men yet we know nothing of HIS gift.

    We stare at the shiny wrappers and crucified bows, and wonder why god hasn't come back for us in 2 thousand years. But we never ask.

   We never seek another meaning because we believe that its a sin to wonder, 'maybe there is no santa', and 'maybe we ARE santa.' We blame and label and think that the narrow path is to not allow some thought waves to pass our pearly gates...........

     THESE are the gates that the pharisees made pretty on the outside yet where full of deadness. But your people are sick with a mind numbed delirium.

 

        DO you really think Jesus would HAVE YOU! 

 

     I would not. And if i am "OF the devil" and "all my thoughts are deception" AND I REJECT YOU>...... then imagine..... WHO it is that is ACCEPTING YOU. 

 Face it folks the SNAKE was telling the truth in Genesis, the SNAKE was god walking in the garden in the cool of the day. The snake of oneness with god is the bruised head. 

  AH shit I was supposed to be talking to the Atheists...... my bad...... screw it i will get to yous later....right now i am addressing my pastor.

 And in reality by now his mind would be a quivering mass of goo........ 

       What is really sad is that i have not done it yet. I have not left the church...i suffer every week. But it is pissing me off now. I don't have the guts to say any of this in real life. Not to my pastor. Not to a believer. I still think it is somewhat sinful to destroy a person. YET...........oh that's so not ZEN. But I am meek and quiet, never speak this stuff.

                  Brain melting BAD.....love and compassion GOOD.

             BUT I DON'T LOVE THEM! .....no that's not what i mean.  

but it feel like this.... I love the idea of them. But I don't KNOW them. And what is worse, they don't want to be KNOWN.

 

      IF god is infinite knowledge and is all awareness and is simply enamored with you, why are you even thinking about dogma and appearances, and fitting in, and fasting, and how to be a christian, and witness and all that SHIT.  Why aren't you growing in oneness with your creator?

  .....SIN.......indeed, but you don't even look at your sin. You look at OTHER PEOPLE"S ACTIONS.  You look at theology, and what your doing, and shun every thought that seeks to educate you. You never find the seed that was buried in you.................that never yielded fruit. 

 

       The Church does not pay attention to the mystical parables. They don't even understand their nature. If I ever seen a more satanic ruse it would be the church. Not christ's words, mind you, not in particular the teachings of Paul ..... but in your practice. 

      Your Christianity is all about your reflection and your vanity, but you never look into the mirror and see yourself. You have never said, but the Emperor is naked!   

     How can you be convinced that an all knowing all consuming fire of truth and revelation could accept you covered in false conformism and never discovering the gospel according to YOU! 

 Without ever noticing ....without ever spitting out the fruit of the tree of good and evil?   Some people have stepped out. They see and try so many ways to explain to you why.   IN other words, the Queen of SHEBA is standing up in this day and judging this generation ( er that means YOU) because she had traveled many miles just to hear a bit of Solomon's wisdom, and BEHOLD a greater than Solomon is HERE.  And you tell me that Jebus wants me to act like, all SOLOMON had to say Sheba...was .......

 

               " Wave your hands and give the lord a hand clap of praise. Just have faith my dear, all is according to the Plan of god......believe believe, never test it against reality and you will be saved form your sins."

 

        THAT was WORTH miles of caravan across hot desert to hear? Because that's ALL YOU TEACH!   You reveal nothing, you test nothing, you believe nothing.  You let yourself think god is happy with you when you Shut up the door to the kingdom of god and swallow the key that neither you nor they can go in and experience god.

       You find my kind of talking full of deception, and sensual wisdom of demons. You educate yourselves, against this kind of thinking, with arguments, with blocking and shutting down parts of your mind..that mind that is to be TOTALLY given over to GOD in spirit and in truth.

      You do not even know that YOU LIE against the truth. You have changed the image and the glory of the creator into the image made in the likeness and similitude of man.

  HE IS NAME ABOVE ALL NAMES! You pay very little respect to JESUS. And think very little about the work he came to do. Is it because the knowledge is to high for you? 

Oh ye of little faith. You are not even worthy for me to feel shame when you call me pagan. Tell me dear reader.........

    How can i hide this disgust ? But I do, I sit there and try to be a positive thing, but this image is getting clearer and clearer, Not because I read those ex christian testimonials but because I can now see that I will never be able to communicate with people in my church. I can never be honest or even express in silence my growth in the Holy Spirit. I know for certain now that they would reject Jesus himself if he came back.

     My pastor praises himself, and makes faces of mock disapproval when any of the other men make a joking remark about pastor and his preaching skills. But his Skills are NULL i tell ya. His disapproval is his own vanity. His only message is "lets act more like we are supposed to act.".... "the world is ending let's try and save them" "Get saved now or else" " false doctrine" .....not much else.  He actually used a verse to make a speech about how it should be ok if he was to look at our internet history.

     Everyone in the church is like, " pastor this and pastor that, lets ask Pastor, well I'll have to run that thought by the pastor"   WHO KNOWS THE LORD!

    A man preached about Noah's flood on Sunday night, he brought a fossil in and made a weak case about that fossil could only be made in "some kind" of violent upheaval and much pressure and heat.....evolution is BAD........judgment of god is GOOD. The woman behind me was all yeah amen, that's right. But one thing is for sure he was a FAR cry better then Pastor.

  They dont even know it. They see me as the deceived. 

 

 IZM