I have obsessed long enough.

Hello gentle reader,


Well It was my hormones.

I was washing the dishes the other day and it became clear to me that i am getting to live a life where washing my dishes IS what i want to do. And i can life my life being here and enjoying it. As long as i can, of course. I don't need to spend my mind's time linked with the prevalent fear and uncertainty of tomorrow.

I can sort of detach and watch the ship wreck. Now don't get upset with me.... you know very well that that we are in fate's hands, not truly our own...unless of course we get up in unity (HAAAA) and fight the system.

I have been studying the fringe lately... looking in to conspiracies and patriotism, and Government. I think, and express myself to my friends as.... i must be absolutely insane and out of touch with reality BECAUSE.... Surely my president is speaking in well reasoned argument, and surely he had a clearly defines messages and operation, and i am sure , because he is president he MUST be concerned with the will of the people....

well........... i am just not hearing it anymore. In fact of late i have been hardly able to follow ANY logic at all from my television. In my reading, i have the same trouble. To my understanding people must be making intelligent educated sense in their comments... they must .... but well i am just not seeing it anymore.

I see few... but i guess we are simply sharing similar psychosi.....

I came across someone who thinks they are the reincarnated Jesus. I did not have the pleasure of conversing with him but i read his site. And ya know what..... i got an opinion..... but if i was to share that opinion i might be debunking myself....


His words are quite persuading, but i have had the same experiences as he has. Sure thing.... i have known myself to be the son of the living god. Or to have received sonship thru Christ. i don't go about making a big deal of it.... washing my dishes in love is of far more lasting benefit.

Man!... i wish i could get all into the guru fantasy. I'd love to bullshit a bunch of people and get lots of money.. or fame....but i think it would mar the things of my life that give me the opportunity to live with god as i see It. In my view god don't need me to do any mission. In fact i see many of the thought waves of this person dead ending at his belief in his own authority.

I was almost swayed i might have met another awakened person, using the christ as a metaphor for universal sonship, but he was not. He was looking to advance his method, and vision.

Argh! it is so frustrating to live in a world where truth and lie are so intermingled it is impossible to be purely one or the other. To live emursed in illusion and arbitrary struggle. To be distracted form simple pleasures and the movement of expression and life.

I wish i knew what planet i was from.

I don't care if i am sick and deluded i am crossing my fingers and holding my breath until 2012....

But about this Chirst guy. After i got to the part of him asking for money for his mission the shine of his glory wore off. His message was fine..."the meek have inherited the earth" but all arguments ended with his message or his explanation of his life as christ.

He was also trying to gather supporters, he call them his sons and the sons of the Apostles.

He even wrote letters of demand to the Pope and U/N. WOW!...

Yeah i have done some crazy things while in the rapture of pot induced self luminous vision but nothing much bolder than blogging.

wow.....so ... I like the radical but...not into suicide.

In fact i would not think that the returned christ would have a masochistic bone in his body. But i am sure the returned Jesus would not have to have Me follow a man, because in the books of dreams..... when "His" Kingdom comes his law will be on our hearts. No man will have to instruct another concerning god. ...

Thing about this christ guy, is he is still Authoritarian. To "work" with him you have to line up under his structure. i don't trust anyone that asks for radical allegiance. I will have my autonimity. (could not decide if the word was that or autonomy, anonymity)

And so far in my Private little life, besides the ups and downs of the economy, i have my autonimity. I have perhaps misused it or had it hijacked from time to time. And there may be forces around to extract even more of my free ability to self rule.

(((which is merely the illusion of freedom as i am free because no one has challenged, fined/removed or put personal obligations upon my current freedom. But like most Americans i am dutifully waiting for that time THAT ILL SHOOT BACK)))

And, there may be a blessed hope of humanity ending this madness, as well as there may be the end game world of little grey cubicles where we happily sit in grey suits and live our lives in simulation on the Internet and we may be happy with that or else.

Speaking of madness i am reminded of an earlier thought.

Madness.... Insanity such as the kind induced by lead poisoning.

Anyone remember, the Story about a Shipwreck in the 1800's in.... a cold place....The men where like, the first to use canned food on a ship. But the cans where lead lined. And over the course of the trip they all went mad. When they wrecked, they started to unload the ship of survival gear... so they were thinking. They saved their beds, and the captain's office, they froze to death shortly thereafter.

And this image of insanity is what i see in my world. What are we doing? I do not even need to watch the conspiracy theorist propaganda on you tube anymore i can SEE IT.
SO thus the afore rambling that i have done lost it.

I have had enough really. This is worse than losing one's religion, and seeking god alone.

My daughter, has a fear of dieing young, my son is afraid of 2012. I assure you even if i had kept my mouth shut the television has done it's own damage. I tell them how nothing is certain, the end of a calender means a new way to count time......... but then i also joke alot about it's the end of the world. SO... shame on me.

So i compensate with trying to live the philosophy of enjoying each moment and each first and each last... try to understand that these memories are important as we never know when they are over. to Live everyday as best you desire to.
I am disillusioned with the world around me. I see people pointing and others and saying that's a lie that's a lie so that's ALLLLLL a lie. i think, people cant reject everything because there is a obvious lie in it. because there is no thing what so ever in this current reality that is not harboring a lie or twenty. I hear truths and i go to hear more then the lies start to weave themselves in. As with that Christ-guy.
And in my President i hear nothing but lies.... the truths woven in are always " this will be difficult" "Suffer and sacrifice"

In that case... at least for as much longer that my family has, i am going to get some snuggles in, some communications going on... i am going to try to live more in my marriage, and focus more on the positives, explore more of self discipline....(((gulp er let's not get to much into living sheesh)))

I just need a mental flush....

I wonder what my next obsession will be?

Be blessed if you want to be
Jessy