Feeling CrestFallen,or, Is is it my hormones?

I have been playing around on You Tube these past few weeks, and... today i found a 13's year olds sight. All decked out with anti NWO graphics, and two Political videos... 

  And then there crashed around me the flood of many thinks i have been hatching concerning.....

 What IF.......  

What IF even the 'alex jones', and the 'whistle blowers', and the growing sense of "grab your guns and prepare for heck" is PART of the orchestration?

  I dont mean to have gone flip-side super paranoid... But i clearly could see.... that if this is a fad? What if The "following" these loud voices are gathering are merely....  

Distracted yet still about their way out of this mess. It is like the screaming protesters are the very picture of people begging to be ruled. But then, I agree with Mr. Jefferson,

 When peaceful revolution is made impossible violent revolution becomes inevitable. I also had this very clear thought of Surrender. No Conformity but surrender to fate. It is not my fault that Others didn't stop it coming... is may not entirely be my own fault that i have only recently become aware of the faint possibility that my government hates me.

  There are many distractatory factors ... and *sigh* i find that now that i am up and looking about my small home city and survey my audience, i simply dont know how i can speak. I am getting groovy ideas of passive rebellion, and many of my thoughts on active rebellion involve the ludicrous fantasy of billions of humans agreeing to stop being evil, and start demanding truth and freedom. 

 I thought about drafting intriguing index cards for people to get aroused to the idea of self education and fighting for their human principles. I work and practice on you tube to say the wisest more profound thing i can say in under 500 characters. I can certainly tell you it is hard not to type a a few "You stupid fucks" in my retorts but i get my idea out. 

 But i realized that many of the people who would read my blog, my index cards, and my you tube posts , would not be able to comprehend that vocabulary necessary to convey the deepest most profound thought one can muster in 500 characters.(Though they know their spelling rules) 

 And if any one sees a Card with a Paragraph hand written upon it, would either throw it away to look at three words and decide , it was propaganda or a church advertisement, or someones homework, and then throw it out. 

 Oh... I thought of coming up with a silent rebuttal like ware a symbol for humanity like the Jews wore Stars..... but figured ... I'd look really stupid being the ONLY human near me wearing a button for humanity.

  SO suffice it to say, my revolutionary ideas are ineffective. If they are cute or would have had meaning they are 40 years too late. So i clearly thought since i cant save the world and i cant save myself..... and we fucking deserve to lose everything we never fought for. well..........crestfallen. 

 Trying to content myself with teaching my kids to treat each other as human being because the world they will grow into will not be human to them. Try to get my kids to be wiser than to respond in hatred when they really feel hurt, because the world they are born into only knows how to make others suffer. ....

  ... I used to think i would not have kids, because i knew it was unfair for them 20 years ago. But i wanted to much to be a mother, to see if i could make good humans. 

  To try to make as much of the reality i would intend for humanity as i can, though i fail and openly explain to the children how to begin to overcome our failings thru understanding one another and compassion and simple polite consideration.

  My Best To Humanity........... My prayer for our strength........ and the strength of our memories. Gawd i hope there is a second coming soon... or a photon belt of light awareness thingy... or............or... a deep awakening

....... but going by history well........ *clicks teeth and hopes for a miracle but LIVING FREE until then*