Stuff to remember later.

Hello Reader, this one isn't for you. SO it does not matter to me if you understand.

I have an addiction. And in order to assure myself that life really is ok without "it" i am writing out what i perceive to be the internal mental lies the addiction demon speaks, and how come they are not true and how to defeat it.


So here we go.... Dear ME.

Here i am in this wonderful state of mind you crave. But from here i can see that it is no different that where you are now. I am calm, and i can hear each thing happening around me.
I can respond, and move my consciousness seamlessly from attention point .. such as the television is loud now, and i can move my awareness back to writing.

This state of mind is simply being where you are, and quiet. You can achieve this....just breath, listen, be aware of movement.

when you are sober you will hear these thoughts.... "i m going to do it any way." " I am ok now but i will want later" "i hate my life" .... there will be explosions of irrational angers.

notice them for the things they are.

Since you can notice this... you are already using the same state of mind that i am currently in.

You favorite lie is "this time i want ( or will be able) to control this."

Your justification is " i need it to figure things out." you needed this to write..... you are better and more witty when.... various other enablers.

I know you know what they are , Jessy, but you seem to think you forget this when you are sober.

But you don't... you are simply not paying attention calmly. Have you noticed that you spend allot of time judging others behaviors....but little time changing yours? You have come to feel more moral then others, yet trapped in the same things you hate? Work on that, it will help.

guilt and all those other little thoughts are what keep you trapped to this addiction.

learn that you are not thought thoughts... you are these thoughts you are not these thoughts, you are actions.

You know if people would stop wishing ill upon others much common tragedies would stop, yet when you are weak you act in anger and speak mindlessly.

learn to just be in awareness and you are in this state of mind.

It is a lie that that thing is the only way there. it is a deception, just like certain religious behaviors.

If your brain can be happy and aware and intelligent this way, then it is clearly physically capable of being thus now.

because being yourself in this now is the only gift of your choice of addictive substances.


The pains of this gift are many and deeply disturbing to your ideal morality and purpose

Such as the lieing............and other things you need to become aware of now........

learn to over come lies and you are closer to this state of freedom .

good tidings to you.....

And merry Christ- Mass too

May God Bless you And send you a braver new Year.