A magical money story

 Damn, it is at times like these that i would have sure appreciated a teacher. I don't know about proper magic, but something that seemed magical happened to me today. There may even be at least two plausible causes.(and of course the totally random event option) Because i sure did not wish for money anytime lately.

But to my sane friends, who are watering at their mouths at my sheer stupid insanity....ready to reinterpret my experiences into some kind of deconstruction of the inner meaning of my personal reality;

 

Hold on guys.

It is also quite a metaphor. That I should hope to drag out of the tale.

One of these causal possibilities, i think carried with it a deep lesson ... that might grant insight into the plight of my poor schizophrenic friend. And or an insight into the hook bad teachers exploit.

And if so, well that just hair pins back into something paradoxical.

So...just hush.

I got to get set up  before I to try to type it out....i have some words, but they are kinda out of order.

When i start this, i am not going to defend my definitions of stuff. Take it at face value...you can pick it apart because it may seem delusional and i will gladly hear that but if you didn't already know, our brains....yeah

Our Brains tend to translate to our consciousness in symbols. Personal symbols. And rather than loose the muse trying to vanilla it all up for everybody...i am just going to present mystical understandings where they apply.

 

*brain scatters with nervous energy but i know what i got in here is good stuff. But so nervous.....need to randomize Ipod.....but first my prayer.*

Dhamma toma Lama Dhamma toma Lama Dhamma toma Lama.

 

*and the smoke break brb*

 

*oh  coffee can't write without cooooofffffeeeeee...no wonder i can't focus* 

 

 *alice cooper freedom*

I don't know about spirits or demons. The only spirit or demon that i have is Carol. The other so called Voices in my head are....well

um...i like to pretend i am friends with a lot of gods. Mostly some  Vedic gods and some gods of Rock and Roll.

Mister Alice Cooper watched me from the bleachers as i ran my final P.T. in Basic Training. Sure these are coping mechanisms the mind produces to self comfort. Think of Wilson from Cast away.

I lived a lonely life. I was the scapegoat child of Narcissist parents. So i found a way. 

My mind has been doing some super cool meditations lately and there had developed a new voice in my head. And i was content to play along, as pretended that she was the higher essence form of the Lama i Like.

But not all things where ringing so true...i mean...the physical body person seems to have.....reality weakness issues. And i have a kind of bitterness toward her body person as i feel a Lama is one who can help both self and other.

But i don't hold it against the body lady...because i don't know her. But Spirit Form lama...worked arguments about benefit of the doubt to get me to over look.

But the lessons where fantastic...accept your actual reality from your own eyes. You are the only one who can translate the truths of reality to yourself because you are the only one experiencing what you know.

And.... all her confirmations to believe in the understanding i have that our very lives' mental make up, our programing and personal story IS the tale of our soul, made up of our soul.....all the movies you where touched by, all the moments...all these make up your meaning and the steps of your path of wisdom.

She taught me about how to hold my mind to begin seeking students minds. ( mid edit- seemed a bit itchy that did...she seemed to be pushing that i should be able to read their minds the same as we are communicating..or that i should be able to influence others by teaching their mental place; like those outer rings from few blogs back....

She was saying....instead of reaching up for the gurus out there to teach me...i would do better to reach downward to students. Very itchy stuff now that i am really hearing it played back. I believe i feel differently about how the itness works. I stay empty and the wisdom  for them happens. But when i try to do a thing it is false.)

Oh she said lots of nice things.

but lets not get too distracted.

She gave training exercises. And filled the desire of explaining the mind i was in....

And normal practitioner-types, who are lost and hungry would feel extremely privileged. And know deeply in their egos...how special....inner teachings from the real body lama lady.

trap. As soon as you would question this, the hook of fear.

 

OH sigh...did i tell you that i am a scatter brained and lazy student? i could not keep up her exercises...i was in error because i was trying to seek certain minds...i was in a bit of error....i am still human.

And she had started to scold me a bit..and warm up her wrathful form.

OH

FUCK

NO

BITCH

nonnonononoo

I am already owned!  My wife and Reformer is Carol. And My Master Reformer is Peter Gregg, and my King and Queen are James and Lanel McCullen. YOU are not in this pantheon until you break the physical barrier.

IF you wish right over me because you are my lama...pick up the phone!

*sigh* sorry it didn't start that forceful. It started with a casual "oh , no you do not get to show me your wrathful from. I am not letting anyone in like that without proof." 

 I explained why Carol and myself have decided that that form was useless in  our mind training after a while. And it is a thing i have only with my own self and it is not that serious...like an internal karma alarma.

Oh ok..things calm smooth...and lessons...oh good lessons...stuff straight out of the Buddhist bible.... later confirmed  when i had reading time, the teachings about Right concentration and the development of the same where the subject of most of her lessons.

Later in the evening I found that a few more of my words/beliefs where being regurgitated back at me as if to test if i was living up to them. Which i don't have any issue with. But it was weird not coming from a self conscious place)

But...still later...it's bed time... private time...my and my lady love's cuddle time....the entity of lama barged in...accusing me that i was hiding thoughts from a Buddha.

I was like sure lady enjoy my ass if you want but you may not do anything to me or have sex with me this is my private bedroom. You are not invited....you have no respect for my space where absolutely no other voice that i created/ nor gods dare tread.

And you have to do a hell of a lot more than mess around in my head in order to earn the right of authority over me in any fashion.

I am tired of the bullshit.

IF you can't pick up the phone and tell me what has been going on between us in my head then you have no lessons for me.

 Which ironically, and Buddha speakingly....would be a fine beginning to the third lesson after i had not become insane. (she could have been lama lady with a test of how strong i am in my self control/ spiritual root)

 

SO..this morning after i cast her voice out....go to the bus... get off the bus....and all strewn along my walk way in a perfect line as if purposely dropped....but no person around.....113 dollars.

I thoughts oh no someone dropped their rent....i mean freshly dropped no wind pushed them yet...so there MUST  be a person near by to flag down. It is THIER RENT.

 

Not a single soul around, and conveniently the path of money went from my bus stop, along the cross walk of the intersection and up the way a bit of the side walk, ending just where i needed to turn off to go into the building.

 

that.never.happens.

 

Any poor lost and hungry seeker who just blasphemously challenged her "guru" but had no inner knowing or proper training, would see this as perfect confirmation that lama body lady is the same as the spirit lama voice. And how shameful that she doubted...and then the voice would have returned.

 

and the  wicked bonding games and the use of yourself against yourself. And suppose you really believe your bullshit, and suppose you decide that the guru is calling yourself toward him...and suppose you really believe that.

And you go there the human body person would be able to tell about where you are in so called devotion. In Blindness to your own mind.

And they chose....could they say "no, i didn't call you you are crazy"

(and they would be right of course.....body lama lady is not thinking about me.)

 

"your not ready yet."

"you need to do  x y and z"

and they can say "many nice things"

 

Bad Teachers shut down your crown chakra by not telling you that the  inner teacher is not them. Nor teaching  that the inner teacher isn't you either. 

    And by not encouraging you to not depend on either, but take what you understand and use it independently to self correct. The teacher is there to share experience and knowledge and teachings from their studies. Not to hold a mirror for you to prune yourself by.

It is your own mind, only your mind. Guard It! 

   It is your perfect castle...even if you don't repair the shutters...them's your busted shutters damn it. (Buddha wants us to fix our house not let another mess in it)

 

 *needs to really pause now, proof read , make additions for clarity if need be ...really make that damn coffee.....and change this damned Alanis Morrisette.*

 

 Now .. if the money came from spirit lama,i took it immediately as a payment of tribute because she was out of line and bested. I have heard on the round about ...that sometimes spirits manifest money  like an apology or a truce when a fair fight was lost...consolation.

But if it came from Spirit Lama it could also very much be a trick.

But then i don't know any thing about demons because every damn time i would like to talk to a high priest type that knows their shit...

They treat me all pompous and outer circle supplicant like....

FUCK YOU

I am no supplicant.

I am a fucking god....((((next day update...yeah that's what fucked me up. I am in all ways only a servant. A student, and not any kind of god.  It was playful bravado....and ..well....apparently it is against the rules))))

(damn i am gonna get in trouble for that...joke joke....man...)

*taco grande....Weird Al *

 

 Alrighty then.... for the second take on this tale...

   Got some good smoke the other day. Spirit Lama was all up on my mind. Super dooper time. I went out to eat and my sis introduced me to a random regular customer "Have you met?" "Not this life" "Hello person"....but so, like i am high and friendly so i ask if i can finish my cig with him. Make small talk about what do you do?

I realized i didn't have my pack with me and could not focus and calmly told him i was having a panic attack and needed to confirm that my cigs where inside, as he suggested they where.

Well alright ...eat yummy dinner...and as the customer was walking thru to pay his tab and leave, he said "can i give you money."

    Out loud...meant for my sis the cashier, sure...but, i am a wild kind, I blurted out as he said it while walking by me..."i like money"

I can hear you...now i am ascribing meaning to really real random events.

oh sigh.

So when i got off the bus the mathematical odds magically hit that 1 in 50 quadtrillion 34565433.1  

i guess.

 

 ONE HUNDRED THIRTEEN DOLLARS.... i am about to get more cigs and drop my own rent check off.

ah life.

Oh and post script..one fine and realistic  possible causal detail.

 

    There was a lady in a car waiting at the light....she had glasses on and made no expression when i sheepishly skittered by ,picking up dollars saying someone lost their rent...and looking around for the person who dropped them.

 

Judging by the trail length....and the person who did not drive when the light turned green when she could have.

Someone did a good deed.(with her entire inner mental workings about her intents)

 

and their deed did me wondrous good. Did themselves wondrous good.

 

How is that not a magical story?

 

 

((next day update))....I had kept the secret of the dollars to myself except one friend at work ....and this morning when i got on the bus, i was in a meditative state and such..(read as 'high and praying' about Vishnu)  and I was wondering with myself whether i should share the story with my bus friend. I mean it is happy lucky news. 

Not all the guru stuff...not any of the magic stuff...just...hey i found money, cool.

But i kept quiet...started thinking about how magical life is really.....and  three persons on the bus started to talk together about finding money....all of them telling stories of the joys of finding random money

Now go and try to tell me i am ascribing meaning to random events.

 How did this happen?

I recall i told you readers while back that for a yogi the evidence for god is beyond mental containment.

 

My Lord is instantaneous, my Lord is beautiful, and my Lord can dance.

(((damn my not wanting to be a liar at all or miss a thing...they must have seen me picking that stuff up.... and i was on a mental trip....

Does god then forget how to dance?  No, just that song is over...and i might have applied some critical thought before i felt all hype to type..... damn yogis playing tricks with my mind.  And that my dear reader is why a teacher would be dang diddilly helpful.)))