old postings as a christian

( i joined this site about half a year into my un-de-conversion, while i was studying Ray Smith's site. At the first , all this new universalisum realisation hit the right spot in me, and according to the people in the bible truths forum. and it was all a fresh of breath air in light of my experiences in my assemblies of god dieing church. so i was Excited in Jesus again. But quickly began to see the non-thinking blah blah babble, cult leader worship shit that turns me off. and turned out to be very dissappointed there. but i had high hopes at first.)




I am very happy to see the minds at work that i see here. All my life i was a "strange kind of christian"..."and a strange kind of buddhist" "and a strange kind of hindu" and again a STRANGE kind of christian"..........i'd sit there and wonder why no one else seemed deeply moved by truths, or contemplative, or to vocie out their reasoning with others, besides god. I admit it is very frustrainting to have yourself opened to deep truths and cant even find the words to express them, and know that not everyone can receive at this time.

I would ask deep theological questions and never really know it was "out of my leauge", but i know that it is my mission on earth to seek truth , to seek god and his meaning. I am unimpressed by theology, and philosophy alone can't share your meaning with others. I believe scripture but the paper alone will never yeild the fullness of truth. It is Proper understanding of what is God's holy imutible word....is it a thing you can print and hope to understand by your knowledge? I think not...the Word of the lord is living and breaths and contains all things for all of us.

I am excited that other people here think and are not reaching for ready made understanding to conform to. It is good to confess and reason and pray with and to god, but it is best when we can all thinky freely and reason together and grow with god together. I Have to say reading Ray's teaching taught me that, yes i can use these scripture to(and as i do) understand god, and learn to accept the greatness that he has shown himself to be in my life and in the lives of others....And of course shown himself in the Bible......and also the few who are his right now............(groans)

Why is it a few....why JUST A FEW..........Truth is marvolous and wonderfull.... to be reconciled to god and have the chance to know him thru the word and thru prayer............but.........how come we CANT ALL see it .or explain it.or .........do anything but show it and believe it.... It makes it feel like dry dark land out here, and i look about myself in church and wonder.............few lord? only few?....why not these who pray and seem to desire you? and oh my gawd how vain and evil of me to even say why me and not them too?

I may also still be lost, for it is the lord alone who gives righteousness. And if i am lost and the many are lost then it is still few and i pray the lord brings one of the few around my place that we (in my church) might learn and know the lord also while there is mercy. Why am i practically a heritic, now that i can understand scripture and that it never was ment for a theology..but an instruction into the knowledge of the living GOD to us... .. about how he is providing that way to LIVE for all of us. ( each of us) ( you individaully as he will and works in you).............God's loudest wish in the bible is "To have a people and to be their GOD"
the hardest part is believing it could be happening to you.
the hardest part is accepting it once you believe it is.
the hardest part still is to tell of your understanding to others.

Thank you for accepting me. Sometimes i ramble, sometimes i flounder, i hope i am allowed to share here, and hear what you all share and maybe throw some of my sence into the mix.



...... ( the follwing a responce to another person's prayer request, she was struggleing with her dissapoitnment with the "false church"...it is like theses people are living in a half deconverted state.....a rebound state. it would not be right for me to post her mind here.)



I know your pain.

I also live in this world.

Your questions are normal, and toward the right path. The point is you can only LIVE what god has you to believe..........the more you resist living the truth according to your understanding of the truth and the more you worry about pleasing men,than to obey god and know him being your goal .........then you will have more guilt and fear and pain and be open to falling into more error and complanceny. (being chastend and conformed to the image ( and understanding of god).

You must chose to obey god, believe the scripture and live peacibly amoung men. after all, that is what your heart yearns to do ...... your letting your fear control you instead of the truth. and you are hiding behind the words of mens knowledge, verses the way of god's knowledge.And then these things will fall into place.... all these things will be worked out in gods timing, all you have to do is continue seeking and praying and working out your salvation with Jesus.

Paul tells us, we are to let god be true and every man a liar....relax........if god was not working in you already, you could never have reached this place of questioning. Trust Him for the answer and the opperation of your life, for he is faithfull and soverien anyway. Even if they are still trapped in their thinking, you seek not to be, your walk with god is what you need to grow in, and let god grow in thier walk with god, in His timeing. YOU LIVE for god.........wash dishes, love children, enjoy prayer and study, learn to enjoy the simple acts of living and when asked have your answer.........be thankfull your a woman.....(lol- we are told to have gentle and quiet meek spirits)May the Father reach deeper, and grant you understanding and instruction, and be encouraged to relax.........to wait on the lord...........to meditate slowly on these deep truths before forceing them down someone elses throat in your excitment.........in order that we will be better able to give a good word in season, perhaps god would give them repentence.thank you for listening, and may bless your Growth Justine.



(the following a responce to a christian who has just had a realisation into the adam and eve story....again i might at another time include his realisation but since i have no commenting readers there is no arguemnt to get the both sides of.....this is just me bablling so you know what kind of chrisitan i am.)


WOOHOO chuck!!! This is a revelation isn't it? you can say......Adam and Eve where created wise..........created with and unashamed of their testimony and understanding of god.............they in their own craftyness walked with god and god walked with them............unashamed unafraid of being wrong, no one to judge them as evil...ACCEPTED by the Lord as they where.

BUT THEN...........WHAT IF.............And the serpent said are you really right? Here, taste......check yourself out and compare..... Why have us "sin" why have us be out into bondange, and to become ashamed of the knowledge of god?...........In order that we might be trained in righteousness..........but i am getting ahead of myself...............(panting happy happy joy joy)

SO then what did God do? Gave them coverings.....gave them covenant, gave them a means to rightly divide .............brought about their salvation. Here, the origen of "one way religions" ( you must where armenni suits) Here, the origen of trusting in the forms of men and being ashamed of our nakedness, rather than to seek god in our nakedness.

Men think this passage..........this unscientific bad evolutional theory passage.... has to do with Adam and Eve froliking in the tulpis with thier dingle dangles hanging in the dirt............NOOOOOOO

It speaks of pureness in the mind and then awareness and self conscious killing the oneness with god. OUR sin.............. Men think when god gave them covering, he was teaching them sacrifice..........and in one way or two he was....but in another way he was giveing them a guide and saying this is the example, ware these clothing....(his covenant) Forgive me i thik i am stumbling all over the place....i maybe should have waited before responding LMAO...i rushed in NAKED.....and flashed you all !!!!!!- Justine.


(the following .well i forget what set me off that day.....)

some people ask, "should we go to church now" some people ask, "whats the point no one can know if they are saved or not", and some other people really go off the deep end and say well theres nothing we can do, its all god fault anyway, and drive themselves into mental paste with the details.....

I prefere the direct approach.OK. so today between my ramblings we are going to discuss a few verses. I did not know which discussion bored was meant for that, and am too shy to break rules, cause this pondering i am about to undertake might seem blasphomouse to ray(pun intended). But i am here to just think and my verse and interpretation wont be anti ray......(evil grins i am the anti christ, honestly)...........OUR verse for the day

"Some, to be sure are preaching Christ even form envy and strife, but some also from good will. The latter do it out of love....
"Knowing that I (also we ) are appointed for the defence of the Gospel:The former preach Christ out of selfish ambition, rather than form pure motives, thinking to cause me distress in my imprisonment.
" What then! Only this.....
"That in every way, wether pretence or truth, CHRIST is proclaimed: and in this truth, (CHRIST) that i rejoice, Yes i will rejoice.

For i know that this will turn out for my deliverance through your prayers and the provisions of the Spirit of Jesus Christ, according to my earnest expectation (hum i enjoy those words) and hope, that i shall not be put to shame in anything, but that with all boldness, Christ shall , even now, ......as always....., be exalted in MY body, wether by life or by death."

Wow he said alot. in such short lines......if there are indeed so many few of these chosen and many not yet chosen, or the goers to hell if you so believe. Face it no matter what one believes, Christ Jesus is who/what Christ is, so lets not get stuck on the particulars and get to the finding of this CHRIST MIND.........

The Christ of Paul, that Christ who did POOF at him in the way to Damascus.............i mean you know theology whooptee do.

This Christ thing has got to be better that just knowing what is, what is not and it really MUST have something more to do with a thing YOU can chose, when and how and after the Lord reveals all the stuff to you. The kind of Mind of Christ that Paul had.....well it must have been more spectacular that to have all your thoughts in subjection to him and never leaning onto your own understanding........(wink wink) (er...somewhere in Corinthians)...

..it must be something that is able to transend everything ...(god is a being ness)

People need to hear truth and see truth in action, and learn by faith and example , that's why Jesus is "Grooming" a few now, and i tell ya our behaviour has to be right instep with his will and that's more than knowing which bible to study.

It is a way to life, and when you are brought along to live it with surrender and obedience rather than thick study and worry , then the Living in the mind of Christ differs all your values and all your understanding, turning it over to the mind of Christ.

Once you leave Babylon you cant return. How can the mind of Christ become deceived again? Basically it wont matter what church your in when Christ converts you, and dont you think it would be nice if those poor lost souls could at least see ONE example of "thing" they are wishing for......

Not all Christians IN Babylon are wolves and shouldn't we be making disciples of all men......

If it makes you mad to hear the falseness..... Suck it up, your brother is hungry.

Even Christ went to church for the few.. how many of you where lost and alone because there wasn't even any kind of person who seemed to have the life the bible promises. We all where lost and struggling and many haven't let themselves seek as far as you have. i think it is better to learn to let go of my outrage and make friends of the very few.

Beside wether you are in church, a place you can more easily talk about the bible or on the street proclaiming your message, or one on one interactions form the grocery store to hanging out with friends, your life ought to be reflecting the Christ that's instructing you and that you are a child of his by correction and surrender which leads to perfectness.

Your "theology" is gonna slip out ,and so will the god given wisdom to know when to let it out. In the world, out of the world, what ever when god's in control you speak truth. And we are all short of the total glory of that.......you know why Jesus needs a BIG BODY....he is everything, he is all perspective, he is truth no matter what.


whew a big god indeed is taking his time instructing us.


and i think he can do it even if we "go to church" or "go to the world" or "still cling to our theology" because is he is beyond all that.. all i got to do is learn to obey him and walk with him.


In that mind, the Scriptures become word to you, they are your witness and your confirmation. But you can lose this bliss too with unbelief, that's somewhere in Hebrews. Paul st rived .... Peter st rived, i know i have st rived.......

how about you...

and yes it is our will God is testing.........

.what he is asking for.........


puke up that fruit of the tree of knowledge. ..........*ACK*...........Good boy now go make disciples.


Justine


((this last of a few, the typical atheist might enjoy......friggen snot ass basterds)))

hey i read that sight. Shortly after my 'reconversion' It threw me for a loop.

i spent weeks megga peeved at god for being what the author saw him as........but then when people would try useing such arguments on me i always felt like .........but that is not god as I KNOW him.

if you want to make a comment, expect her tribulation. They are obsessed with argument by outrage.

One such person asked me once if god willed a little 10 year old to get raped. I could only tell her no he gave us rules of behaviour so that we WOULD not rape but we chose to go agianst that............but she kept at me and in the end all i could say was

YES GOD DID!........GOD WILLED IT,.... god also suffered it with her and will ADVENTAULLY heal both her and her perprotrator........... But that arguement did not fare very well. I went away confused and she kept her anger to Jehova.

I suggest not useing the natural man cannot understand spiritaul things arguement... lol


Justine