Keshathra Part 1, Chapter Twenty

                ***Jerry ***

                I closed my bedroom door with the most silent of rages. ' face it, there is no good sense in slamming my door. No that would have been to "easy".  

It's her fault anyway.  All this  airy fairy tiptoe bullshit. ... She's the one who started ....

             'What?'   I breathed, loudly fuzzing with my covers.  All that 'if i need help with addiction management.'   Nooo I don't need fucking help. I had it covered.   Now I can't even do what I got to do to get it...Just fucking prole me and let it go. No you go stirring up old beas...old... beasts.'   My thoughts darted still.


              ' Ok ok we KNOW this kind of conversation... Ain't fucking happening.' 

              I laughed, and started my breathing meditation. And slept, still angry but slept.


          *** George****

           That fargin sly Devil.  I muse to myself as I get ready for bed, snorting, ' your friend makes you a liar' 

         Fucking...*stubbing my toe as I bound for the covers.* backhanded Bitch."  
  
         I randomly chose ' Theory and Practice vol 1' flipping randomly, being drawn to stare out the black bedroom window.  'I made my friend lie.'.....Catching my breath I laugh but there is always free will, dude. And I am not this situation. Even if  Jerry has issues saying no.

        Not my fault..... my protests as dull and dim as the shadows on the ceiling.  If I accept that I am the reason Jerry is in reformation, how could he ever forgive me?.... I am not who Carol is talking about.  I am not....

        And I read earnestly.  "A Reformer must often judge themselves before they can administer wisdom to their prisoner. As it is common for both parties to experience similar character struggles. A reformer must requse themselves of further charge of their prisoner once objective judgment is seduced by ego.  Thus an honest consciousness is necessary in choosing student reformers."

And I drift to sleep on a gilded note.


          **** Carol****

         ' I loved him, my professor. I love him still, but my foolishness has separated us.' Tears flow now and the darkness becomes as velvet capes over my shoulders and I hear him, my friend Peter.

       ' i love you as i will love no other.'  And in bittersweet repose I lay dreaming.

       *** the author**


        Please stay tuned, next up , We observe a short story of Ms Carol Anne Wies,  age unknown on tonight's  "life and times of the snail".....

                " Carol had no issues completing her high school requirements, and she was eligible to graduate in three months. Socially she began to gravitate toward the reformer-trainees, and on the sly had begun to study from their books, so that she might expedite completing her requirements when she come of legal age."

                " For general information, the reformer is skilled in martial arts, general nursing and anatomy, child psychology, general to abnormal psychology, "weapons" proficiency, Civil Law, leadership, as well as logic, critical thought and argumentation. (i.e Teaching). "

               " One evening she had sneaked out to work on an idea she had been inspired to during anatomy. Mike Twum happened upon her during his security rounds in the gym practicing bull whip proficiency on a test dummy. Twum did not stop her right away because he was stunned to see her method. She had the dummy laying on it's back with a tissue paper laying over the stomach, and was flicking the paper off with her whip. Then alternately trying to cut the paper without harming the surface of the dummy."

              "Carol was pleased with her results, when Twum stammers to ask her what she is doing. She replied that she was creating position five. Twum protested the danger of it and she claimed having done  intense study and was working out the margins of error. Twum protested the fact that not every whip wielder (cops also carry bullwhips to capture and or subdue) would be able to use that skillfully. Carol smiled coyly as if in between breaths saying ' well then they should not be marksmen, and don't worry Twum, i will have it tested on myself before i ever use it.' And Twum developed his fear of the person of Carol, and had to be prompted by her to take her in custody for trespassing."

            " Peter was incredulous about her idea, and stated that he could not foresee himself ever having to punish that extremely after Carol presented her research in explanation of her trespassing. He added he could not think of anything that would ever merit position five, that Carol could do to have him test it on her. Peter did not feel the need to warn Carol that if she manufactured any incidences for the purpose of goading him the result would be immediate dismissal of his apprenticeship. And restated that he couldn't see any honest fault that would merit such deep measures of pain."

           "  By and by Tweed, Twum, and a great number of others left the school and lived their lives.When Carol was 18 she took the Trainee course and at 20 she was a licenced reformer. When she was 22 Peter asked her if she might consider Partnership in his School as Vice Principle. She agreed, deciding to put off in home reform cases until she had experience with Peter as Mentor."

            "  It was during this time period that they started to understand they where falling in love. But it was not your typical love affair. Both of them where extremely professional and never let on about their emotional desires. Carol was confused about whether he felt the same as she. Once she tried to make a pass in his office, and she was punished. So she kept herself about her job in the school and admired him from aside. "

                 " There came a time when Peter was called away to a conference and he put Carol in charge.Things went smoothly until about a week before Peter was due back. four reformees managed an escape. And during their pursuit one was injured and on died.   Carol was forced to call authorities for assistance, and with all the psychic disturbance Peter was calling before she finished with her report to the police. He grilled her for the details and it came to be that a simple oversight on Carol's fault allowed the security breech, and his school will suffer chaos. "

               "  Peter was back on the next flight to deal with the situation, she received Five deep lashes across her stomach. "

                 "When Carol was 25ish she come to realize she was madly in love with Peter, and he would never let on. In her emotional naivety she succumb to her best friend's playful suggest to try a spell to see if peter is her real true love. Lanel was practicing magic with a coven at the time and was in priestess training. She suggested Carol ask her teacher Jane about it. "

                " Jane is a diabolical sort, Lanel did not know yet how dangerous Jane was. Jane sold Carol a spell. Jane saw in Carol a wealth of great natural power and she wanted to harness and trap it for herself. Carol bought the spell thinking the result would be knowledge of who was her love and how should she gain him, but what she bought was an entrapment spell."

               " While she was at her little trailer house (she no longer lived at the school ) Peter had been in his school office thinking of her. Becoming tormented with concern and realising his love for her and in an uncustomary panic he sped out to her trailer in time to catch the spoken language of her spell."

                " He recognized the language partially from his education and partly from his mental telepathy giving him the link to information about the intent behind the spell disguised as a wish. At the part where Carol was to speak her wish, Peter rushed in and took hold of her wrists and staring intently into her eyes speaking...' I love you Carol and I will protect you forever.'  "

                "Then a fury of magic and warping of reality and Peter's soul and mind and body are divided. His soul goes into a snow globe ornament of the ornate house that Peter's body is transformed into, and his mind is completely merged with Carol's. All his psychic Ability passes to Carol, yet he remains his own person within the house."

              "Technically with his body *gone* he is not a citizen anymore as if death. And Carol inherits the school and his wealth. And manages both School and Home Reform with expert care. There are a few amusing tales to be added into the storyline of Carol adjusting to her new skills. Such as having something to say to people who thought rudely about her when passing on the street."

            "  But that is basically the story of how Carol came to be where she is in life by the time Diana meets her."

                                         --- As told by someone who wishes to be called * the coffee man*

         We Hope this was enjoyable, until next time, please remember you never know when you might end up on... " the lives and times of the snail. "


****fade to black***

              
       
   

             


        

Keshathra Part 1, Chapter Nineteen

              ***Carol ***


              A time for recoking has come upon Our Jerry.  I project toward the heart of my bedroom ceiling.  It began this evening as we were watching television.  Jerry sat pensive over my new instructions that he must now ask permission to be high, and follow my meditative instructions during.  And that he my not obtain it by money or credit.
            He mused a while over stealing, building elaborate lies, he settled upon scouring his car for viable seeds, and was contented a while.


            During commercial he posited, " Mistress, i don't get it, why is it OK to smoke but not to buy it?"
            " Do you notice how you haven't been asking so many questions lately?" I poked as he charged ahead becoming irate. "Mistress that isn't an answer."  It is, I protested as the television went to pause.


I continued ' Consciousness is your liberty, but do not let your consciousness become enslaved. Your addiction, Jerry is your slavery.  You may enjoy the higher states of mind but you will not allow impulse and seduction to dictate and cloud your thinking. This is the means of reformation of addiction, and while you are high i will show you self-discipline."




He pondered a moment. " So you dangle the blessing of knowledge when i am stoned, yet penalise me for yielding to seduction? That hardly seems fair.  " 


"What is fair? You must be able to deny the little beasty before you can truly have liberation. yet enjoy him just the same. Even he is at your liberty.  "


           ****George****


            Over the next few weeks I watched Jerry become a busy man.  He was fortunate that there where not only good seeds in his car, but also a small stash.  And the only way I knew he was high was because he was doing some ultra mindful cleaning or rebuilding  or an annoying simple breathing exercises.  Reformer has had me join him many times, I suspect merely to add to her amusement.
          Recently, Diana Jerry and I where sitting about the kitchen table playing cards and talking about our recent adventures. We had gone to the school, while Jerry had been denied permission to be stoned, and given a chore-slash-meditation to follow anyway.  And Reformer was purportedly up in her room reading. It was a rainy spring night.
        
         "That's nothing," Diana's card clicked onto the discard pile. " I've been doing claenstetics and marching drills all day today.... I would rather have your books George."
I grinned at her adolescently amused by her whining. "Oh and I was specifically told not to discuss anything with you. So ha ha, do you have a four of diamonds?"
         " Eat Sh-shovels full. " She grunted. " But still these books.." I continued " Not a one of them is less than 2 pounds of formal Language.  Reform law codes, History and theory of practice, The Criminal Justice system. Oh groovy I now understand that there was at lease four commites of bastards I have to kill for putting my ass in Ms Carol's dungeon. And yet I admire the checks and balances of the system."
         Jerry's nose twitched as he laid another pair of cards in row. " I got a call around 10 from my friend Steven. He asked me for a ride." Jerry's knees bounced, as his eyes darted toward the clock, again.  Diana huffed , " Oh it is time for the 6 o'clock feeding?" Drawing fire from his breath.
I half expected that a fine moment for interruption but he asked for a 3 of spades and told her to mind her own business.
        "Other than that Jerry what was your to do?  Seems me and Diana are doing some kind of  exhausting exercises, whats your gig?"   He slumped and became less interested in his hand.
"Just the routine polish and wax furniture crap. Only  I am supposed to focus on the air going into my nose, to keep my attention on breathing so i can report what ever details she asks me about later."
       " Details? " I incredulously poked." What, that the polish smelt like lemon, and oh about noon you had a piece of snot block your air passage? That kind of thing?  "  He shrugged and passed over the 4 of hearts with a displeased grunt when Diana asked for it.
         After a few more turns I suggested we discern some theme to these lessons, maybe by Saturday we can figure out the message of the week, as Reformer is fond of orchestrating.
         "Well near as I can figure I am learning the value of group discipline." Diana offers. " Just before we where excused I was starting to get the hang of the facing and marching movements and we really looked good, I think.  Made me think about my father, I can see how he could love all that regimen and stuff."  "Aha, " Chimed I " the value of group think.  All the little ants  go marching two by two hoorah hoorah.  Marching over the cliff hoorah hoorah, they all go marching to by two till they all tumble over into the blue;  Horr-ahhhhhh."


"No George, the purpose of the structure is so that there is no confusion when the instruction changes."  She defended.  " So you are crossing over ...."I interjected. tauntingly. "No more than you are George, you cant tell me you are not  fascinated with the books."


"I am, but the reason is different.  I like the law books because it is like knowing all the orders in advance. Like i know all about how left face and port arms gets you ready for the next task. I know the next task too. "  She listen to me while laying down a new pair of cards. I tried explaining but the truth was I had only flipped through the law book, looking for violations of my previous reformers and naturally  for loop holes.  Old habits die hard I suppose.  She interjected " But I think you could know all that and still not know what to do inside the group.  I mean I have seen parades before, I have watched the Color guard preform, and knew their routines, but it is a different world when your one of the marchers."  She bade me fish for the card I requested as I brilliantly observed how at least by knowing the "rules" I would be the one who knows when we are being marched off a cliff.  And she bantered " And you are also likely to be the first one to  incite a panic in the ranks while going over sharp rocks."

That shut me up. We continued on a few turns and individually meandered our separate ways until 9 pm for "the lives and times of the snail" on the TV.


                      **** Jerry****


        I had to leave by 6 to pick up my friend Steven. His car had broken down and he needed help. This was a wonderful situation for me, as it was an easy way to obtain without paying. Steven put gas in my car i got him to work sometimes and he'd give me alittle here and there. But i had to surrender it when i came home. 

       This was particularly difficult. I don't like being stoned HER way.  Increasingly i feel tempted to hide a pinch or more or, hurry and smoke up and "act normal" so i could just enjoy the tv, have fun with the guys,  or  even just read a book.  Her way is always work, or else it is not being allowed to do anything but sit.  I sometimes find myself snap 'wake" during the exercise and proclaim how i wish i was sober so that i can do my own thing for a while. To which notion a tingle creeps up my spine and hope she doesn't go there during conversation. 

         Conversation Ms Carol's style.  Once she told me that conversation is like a chess game.  And most people play checkers.  Checkers is like playing with pawns only. But a good conversation uses all pieces, but never lets you see them move.   What ever that means.  Anyway... She asks me things like..."what was your exact thought when you opened the peanut butter."  

          And we literally discuss the feelings, memories. Tonight iIwas not in the mood for a brain picking and tried to creep through the living room door frame at nine-thirty. Carol silently halted me with a gesture, no one was distracted from the show and didn't address me until the commercial.

"Car troubles, perhaps?" Carol replied casually toward the door frame. 
"No Mistress, Steven had to stop by the gas station."
" Your friend does understand,  Jerry that there are cirten strict behaviours that are required of you as a reformee. That he ought not detain you. I am sure you have explained to him your time restrictions. Have you not?"   
         I felt my palms quiver and smelt lunches pepperoni ghost invade my stressed exhale. I dryly answered " yes Mistress I have told him."  Hummm she cooed and invited me in, I greeted the others and tried to relax.

****Diana****

         Watching Jerry enter late kinda excited me. I felt tense, thinking about what he was in for. Like why? I mean he's late... he's obviously stoned...and......what about that question? I muse it over and again. Did you tell him your rule, yes,' then why are you breaking them? ' i retort to my self while knitting. Thinking more about what else....ummm

          But then I glanced over toward Jerry and felt ashamed of myself. And over to George, who had to sit off to the side of the room to read instead of with us. Tonight's show would have fascinated him to no end. It was about a paranoid schizophrenic who invented a scientific method for what he called "corrective vision" therapy.

There was a violation of the cease-fire on the Fritzeche Republic boarder and Keshathria took many casualties. I passionately glanced at Mistress, and back to my knitting.

He would have liked to see me marching today. Tomorrow we are learning the flag raising and lowering detail. I am looking forward to my time in service.

" Jerry would you tell me about your thoughts while you where in the car, before trying to sneak in."
"I'd rather not Mistress." She smiled permission softly and answered, " Are you lieing or being defiant?"

"I hope not either Mistress, I am late because he needed to get to the store, I thought it would be understandable. I am sorry that it isn't. "
"Your story has changed, Jerry. i am minded to ask you if Obtaining marijuana was part of this delay."

          There was silence between them, and his knee started bouncing, and he took slow breaths to calmly respond. "It was on the way from the store, we stopped at the gas station for.. for a rolling paper. it was on the way and i... told him i didn't have any kind of extra time i shouldn't have stopped for that for sure. But...it wasn't to obtain the stuff."

"Technicalities Jerry? " Misstress giggled sarcastically and cutely grasped her hands. "There are just so many things I can chose to deal with here, I don't know quite where to begin. " Drawing a related snort form the far corner. " George, Is he lieing or being defiant?" she asked and heard the answer both. And overlooked me and continued speaking.

"Jerry it is too easy to punish you for being late. You are in defiance of my rules, and you have to correct yourself before your friend makes you into a liar. Dismissed.