IF i had guts.. or would it be stupidity?

Because it would certainly be comprehended as both.

But then , maybe that's what the student-type ought to do.


OK.... well here is the scoop.. i found a decent place where the id's discuss buddhist stuff. And myself , in the deluded wisdom of my inferiority complex, feels that it would be highly trollistic do simply spatter unannounced, uninvited comments or questions....... esp with any of the presumptuous names i would chose to be commenting with.

And since i am all cynical like or bouncy or acquisitive...... i think that if not that i should boldly put myself out there in introduction, i would surely be rejected for a know it all fool by the very skilled company in these parts.

And frankly that would deeply pain and crush my sweet little illusion that i might have found a place to sharpen my sword, and try to express if i have understood correctly.etc.etc.

IN that introduction i am sure i should brag... like a child..... and perhaps betimes show potential but not quite so....... a fledgling.

I do not come here to be smart though you will notice i take pains with trying to appear clever. But i am not afraid to admit when i am in error.

AS for Buddhism i have merely read a bunch of zen stuff, and dun a spot of sitting. i have also studied Hinduism. although a wee bit more in-depth as it seemed to suit me better.

But this buddhism..... technically i can hardly understand the words of Buddha... but in contemplation i seem to know.

But there are also strange and sarcastic doubts , resistances........

well i guess that's just part of this journey .. But i have been out of practice and out of Buddhist study for a long while ( er a bit for those who are better with the dedication that i am) And recently got turned on to the study of no self... i remember this mental rumble... and that i favored keeping my ego...
and then i went off into the world and dug into the whole atheist V. christian thing and then decided well...... perhaps i am a agnostic and a mystic dreamer.

but lately the path of figuring out logic, brought Buddha into mind...

was His logical? and I am pitiful and unskilled and cant even answer that question. even if i said well yeah no duh.

As for no self i think the clearest i got was....either what i think i is... it is non-existent .. un-provable just like god...... but i have already heard form someone that is incorrect.

so i thought this existence is not ......... then i figured i needed a break form this and picked up the Surangama Sutra..... i absolutely hate this sutra.

sounds like Buddha is presenting false delima and.. well isn't he unable to be disagreed with or Wrong, like a cult leader? I want to understand how come it is logic and must logic be the shiznit? COULD it be a sort of deception because we are crafty and ignorant?)... ( see, some of my questions are strange i have said.. are they serious ones? well... we'll see it if slips away.)

so as you can see i am pretty screwed up.

I wonder if you all wont mind if i try to grow feathers here.


IZM

But *clicks tongue* too bad i don't have the guts and or stupidity to post this.

buy the way if deemed a troll be thankful i am not an obnoxious one.