Wednesday, August 26, 2009

IF i had guts.. or would it be stupidity?

Because it would certainly be comprehended as both.

But then , maybe that's what the student-type ought to do.


OK.... well here is the scoop.. i found a decent place where the id's discuss buddhist stuff. And myself , in the deluded wisdom of my inferiority complex, feels that it would be highly trollistic do simply spatter unannounced, uninvited comments or questions....... esp with any of the presumptuous names i would chose to be commenting with.

And since i am all cynical like or bouncy or acquisitive...... i think that if not that i should boldly put myself out there in introduction, i would surely be rejected for a know it all fool by the very skilled company in these parts.

And frankly that would deeply pain and crush my sweet little illusion that i might have found a place to sharpen my sword, and try to express if i have understood correctly.etc.etc.

IN that introduction i am sure i should brag... like a child..... and perhaps betimes show potential but not quite so....... a fledgling.

I do not come here to be smart though you will notice i take pains with trying to appear clever. But i am not afraid to admit when i am in error.

AS for Buddhism i have merely read a bunch of zen stuff, and dun a spot of sitting. i have also studied Hinduism. although a wee bit more in-depth as it seemed to suit me better.

But this buddhism..... technically i can hardly understand the words of Buddha... but in contemplation i seem to know.

But there are also strange and sarcastic doubts , resistances........

well i guess that's just part of this journey .. But i have been out of practice and out of Buddhist study for a long while ( er a bit for those who are better with the dedication that i am) And recently got turned on to the study of no self... i remember this mental rumble... and that i favored keeping my ego...
and then i went off into the world and dug into the whole atheist V. christian thing and then decided well...... perhaps i am a agnostic and a mystic dreamer.

but lately the path of figuring out logic, brought Buddha into mind...

was His logical? and I am pitiful and unskilled and cant even answer that question. even if i said well yeah no duh.

As for no self i think the clearest i got was....either what i think i is... it is non-existent .. un-provable just like god...... but i have already heard form someone that is incorrect.

so i thought this existence is not ......... then i figured i needed a break form this and picked up the Surangama Sutra..... i absolutely hate this sutra.

sounds like Buddha is presenting false delima and.. well isn't he unable to be disagreed with or Wrong, like a cult leader? I want to understand how come it is logic and must logic be the shiznit? COULD it be a sort of deception because we are crafty and ignorant?)... ( see, some of my questions are strange i have said.. are they serious ones? well... we'll see it if slips away.)

so as you can see i am pretty screwed up.

I wonder if you all wont mind if i try to grow feathers here.


IZM

But *clicks tongue* too bad i don't have the guts and or stupidity to post this.

buy the way if deemed a troll be thankful i am not an obnoxious one.

2 comments:

  1. holy cow... i'd never send that....but i have sent stuff like it in the past... you would have thought by now i would have learned how to spell REJECTION...........

    dang nab it.
    the quesiton is, why do i wish to impress anyone?
    ............................

    well i guess i just dont have anything to say to anyone at the moment
    ...........................

    then dont speak at them. lurk longer

    ............................

    SO back to the friggen sutra is it?
    ............................

    Peace out.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hey Justine- just me checking in on you again. I don't really have anything new to say, except that it seems to me that you are rather hard on yourself for not knowing exactly what you believe. But you seem to be a nice person, and for me, that's the only important thing: all systems of thought, including all religions and all secular philosophies, are only useful if they lead to people being good to others and happy.

    So zilch says, give yourself some slack, breathe deep, and don't worry too much about all these ultimate questions. No one knows the answers to them anyway, even if they say they do.

    cheers from twilit Vienna, Scott (zilch).

    ReplyDelete

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