How far can Mental preparation go?

A P.O.W. held one word an done bit of sanity during their interments. In fact long after he forgot his name, and no longer thought in English there was one word that was primal to them. And anchor to things "right". Do you have an idea what that word was?

  HOME. 

The word can be different for different people. Home doesn't always bring back good memories, ya know? Point is we all have a word that symbolises all that is right and good for us. For some the word is youth, or Normal. "Normal" is real, and the ideal we've known or glimpsed of something that operated differently than it does now. Confused?  

Suppose we are in a fema camp, we have been tormented, starved,and heavily indoctrinated. "Normal" would be free thought, provision and work, and freedom of movement. Normal or home was the reminder that their current reality was false. I believe that faith held them together. Not dogma but hoping and knowing that this was not the way "things" and people really are or should be.That it wasn't always like this, this is not "normal". 

i wonder, if by keeping home in realisation one could distance themselves from the present torments and observe them. Make humor to oneself about how comical their captors and oppressors are. 

How futile even for themselves the ideology for which they beat and sear your brain. I wonder if, perhaps one could keep sanity by finding a private humor in the conditioned behavior of her cellmates.

 While remembering normal, how predictable are the systematic camp methods to mind control through rewards, harassment, isolation and manufactured paranoia? 

Besides would isolation really be such a terrible thing? Most every experience they put you through is designed to induce fear, anxiety, coercion... what if you distanced yourself in your own way before they make you into a shell their way? 

They want yo humiliate you before others and cause them to socially punish you, but what if you are already liberated form the need for social approval, and in realising normal, you can understand that even this prison societies opinions aren't even their own. 

  Could one maintain sanity by making "unmeaningful" the events in a place that is not normal? 

There are , i guess, 6 ways out of the situation. Conform their way via your fear , pain, and mind loss, Conform your way thru mindful self preservation, merely survive, revolt, be liberated from the outside, and Die. 

  In the event of facing death, if you can, try to make the very most out of life to be sure you have lived free even if only your mind is under your command.

  Anyway, once "normal" returns, supposing a liberation from the fema camp.

 A person who survived in such a way might be stuck in that place. By then his idea of home or normal is itself unreal, as he had to elaborate dramatically in order to hold onto it. He is also liable to resent dramatically anything he feels to be manipulative of his freedom, space, and thought movement, as "normal" is freedom. Opposite of oppression. 

 He feels entitled to normal.  

Well, i have been pondering thoughts of the like above. How someone could keep sanity thru chaos. Military people sometimes train for P.O.W. life, they learn all about the philosophy of brainwashing, how to survive with nothing, (101 uses for fingernails) and the physical training to withstand against torture. But civilians can only prepare so much. 

  I can study. i can prepare in mind to an extent. Here's a think.... 

  When i was mentally preparing for army basic training i watched the first half of "Full Metal Jacket" over and again. i set myself up that BT would be that tough. Could i make it? Would i be Pyle?" Well luckily for me BT was like summer camp, a really long ROTC class. It was nothing like i expected.

  Perhaps, one could maintain sanity in a fema camp by mental preparation for the worse and easy conscious adjustment should it turn out not as bad.

  Cheers to optimism 

 Jessy

How will you remember me?

I know that my wake will be a fun event. A few weeks ago my daughter had us in stitches replaying old skits i have done in the car. Such as on a country road we had slowed down to let a chicken cross. He did not move so i backed up.

After he crossed i asked " why did the chicken cross the road?" and replied " because we stopped and backed up."

I think my daughter will remember my funny side. My son, i hope would remember my intellectual side.

Naturally i tend to over glorify my self or the nobility of my past deeds and thoughts.

So i suppose i will be remembered in negative as well. I like to think i have never "really" had a thought of vengeance or ... murder. But then i have become enraged over cleaning up piles of dog shit. And honestly, one could not possibly self-account their every motion past.

Will i be remembered as she of the explosive temper tantrums? Who sat online or in a game ALLL the TIIIIIMMMMME? (notice the nearly truthful exaggeration) Perhaps only all the time that YOUUUUU wanted to be on the computer.

Will they remember my studying and writing... or that i was ignoring them?

I am positive that theses thoughts would drive one mad. Because perfect for everyone , like zero tolerance cannot happen. No "sinless" state.

When my mother died, i listened to the people who knew her. I realised everyone knew a different "insert mother's name here". But what is significant is that each of them loved and respected her flaws and all. Her flaws where her treated compassionately and to be missed greatly, as individual silly quarks.....not as her terrible personality traits and stubbornness.

I was thinking, how could i colour my memory? Like should i die today and my children would be raised up by any of my friends; What would i wish them to encourage about myself to my children?

Hummm something to think about.

My son might remember the days and moments when we connected during home school, which doesn't happen often enough. I had a "brilliant" idea. Rather than my being the ridiculously outrageous teacher, i could "be" one of the oppressed children. My son's study partner, and our teacher is SOOOO mean that she makes kids share one book and one pencil, and dooo toonnnnnnssss of work.

Mrs. Tree is her name, and while we work we talk and whisper and make some jokes at her expense. but the pages get done, he a line , me a line.

Would to GOD this method works!!!

Back to the question at hand. i want my children strong and well studied and of clear mind. To admire more the thing i preached and tried to be, than my resilient failure to achieve the same.

I want them to search and observe and know their minds. To live deliberately. And to act after consideration. To aim for their best, and be proud of the work they are capable. To heal and yo improve themselves with noble principle and meaning, and honesty.

But, What parent doesn't want theses things?

May be they will remember me form my writing. Which is sickening with the poetic irony... I could not verbally communicate theses thoughts in life and i shan't either in death, all that i ever solidly been are theses words.

.....

Or is that the depression talking?

Why the thoughts of death? AM i harboring any suicidal notions? No Way! Just pondering. So worry cant take me by surprise. ( that sounded unstable, dude) Look..., it is quite normal as a human to think about death, especially for philosopher-types such as myself. Now, it is obsession with, and belief in the fantasy that are the warmer zones.

Haven't you ever just become aware or concerned with what is left be hind of you? Whether you had said everything, are understood or more aptly truly known by those you think you know? Maybe it is a pathology, but hey what isn't theses days?

The most oft asked question of the dead by the living is " what would so and so do now?" or "i wonder how the felt about this or that."

So, i endeavour to leave some of those answers behind, unlike my fucking mother.

Justine.

Is it jsut me, or is there stuff to be paranoid about?

Now, i don't know how much time i am going to spend on the thoughts invoked...or contained within the terms of the title of this piece. I just sometimes get to thinking, and the more i do that the more i wonder why these points of view are not readily visible, and shall i say vehentimaly opposed by the public.

I am speaking of a rumor (quality rumor too, she gave online references even)That he commandeer in chief Wants to take in the refugees of Hamas, in our borders. Well color me racist if you will but it is not their skin i am prejudiced against. Nor their religion. Rather their influence. These are people ...all those people....(please do not misread, we have many of that kind of our own) people who for generations deep into their living cultural memory have settled disagreements, and social unrest and general malcontent with destruction, opposing authoritarian structures, religion, and the ever popular oppresson of individual freedom.

We have such groups in America, gangs. It is my theory, racist or not, that these people will huddle in their groups and vie for territory in which they could practice their own mini-theocracy.......such as these groups do, and most of them ideologise violence, control, and oppression.

So let us welcome with open arms these poor and casted out.

Oh i am regretfully sorry that i don't include references. the truth is i would have to call my friend back, and ask her. Shall we call this piece 'references available upon request' ? And it is also a cheap masked attempt to illicit response form my readers, in hopes that i have more than three. Besides i don't want to be liable for subversive material.

OK..

Moving on.

So naturally i am interpreting all this as signs of encroaching need for total government take over..... once Americans start to express their social discontents......more than Internet...(oh and i try to manage subversion in subtle conversation in real life, make it sound all crazy , but also one of those... "things that make you go hummm")

Well , it is my theory that should we start acting like the Americans Ben Franklin and Thomas Jefferson gave birth to, enter plan "B".

SO i am faced with a personal delimea...how much should one rock the boat? Allowing people to be lulled out into a ignorant compliant constituent....would make the process virtually painless...not to mention bloodless.... practically.

IF we act out, they will put us out. The only way to turn as historically proven is by.....civil disobedience, and defence.

Which brings me to an other few things. In Nature there is something called Survival of the fittest. Many cultures of humanity have been lost to lack of adaption, refusal to adjust, and simply not migrating when the life source was depleted.

Humanity has been thru climate change before...without all this technology and weather control and chemtrails and mass authoritarianism..er i mean Global Idealism. They simply moved.
Now the UN wants to put a ban on Bottled Water companies. My reference for this is CNN, therefore you can google your own results. They want water to be termed a human right. And the people living in ......well lets call it Ethiopia.....they have no water. we need to ship it to them so they can keep on living in that dead environment.....

She posits that we rich people should simply eat cake.... i mean drink our tap waters and tough titty because we need to sacrifice for those poor starving Ethiopians.

I am sure the idea is noble. Shame on us for not tending to the poor of the earth.
But there are factors. Many places where "rich" people drink bottled water because their tap water is toxic. Yes that is a social problem we might spend some time on also, but, wouldn't it be a middle ground to help migrate the Ethiopians?

That's nature...adapt or die. one could also die adapting......but his young would further that adapting and live. Same Same....

But we all know they wont do MY idea.

sooooo.... what's next?

This is an example of asking us to do something outrageous.. it is a test, like seat belt laws.

Will we do this one major thing for "THEM"? if so how easy would it be to get us to take more restrictions? For the common good. IF we did this why not do that.surely we are compliant to "Bettering tomorrow".

They have made it so you get a fine if you smoke in your car and have children. All the better to train us to watch and peer accusingly at our neighbor. They also wish to extend this law to you homes. Well..... i am sure the idea is noble, after all their poor little lungs might suffer form third hand...THIRD HAND?! smoke. Why i would be sadistic to not be concerned with damage my actions cause to them....... i ... i ... should be punished.

See how i am willing to be compliant to the indoctrination of authority, and my utter lack of ability to self rule, and assume personal responsibility by faith or by leap of the same to live my life and adapt.

lately i have been reading books..... How to detect lies and manipulate them ( i am not so interested in learning manipulation such power should not be put into my hands, as powerful and guru as i am it might be devastating....imagine the glory of billions of self trusting understanding souls in power instead of infectious human waste of greed and control and violence)......*eyes lose their perky gloss* um... where was i.....

Books..... one about the holy madness thing......one against authoritarianism that advocates a whole new moral reality overhaul. One talking about brainwashing and mind manipulation the posits that we are more "controlled" than we might wish to become aware. ( great for schizophrenic types) ..... yeah that's all.

Also trying to knit an afghan... and master my Sim City scenario.

Adult ADHD.

I think this is why all the Indian gods had lots of arms. Surely a god needs them, i know i do.

Ohhhhh........they want to nationalise the banking system.... can you smelllllllllll the fascism?

gawd i hope 2012 brings something good.

so i wonder.... rock the boat or wait four slow tedious nearly painful-less mind numbing more years of terror and rights flying through my fingers, curfews maybe?........and comply with CNN's cheerful optimism and never wonder why they aren't talking about the stuff ..the more important stuff scrolling along the bottom of my screen.

IZM

is it 2009 yet?

Well, i didn't think i would get the desire to write again, since i stopped smoking.

It occurred to me that my post "cockroaches" was written sober, so i cant be all that bad.

I have things on my mind. i want to retract what i said about Obama being welcome to be my president. I am not so sure anymore. I mean a trillion dollars? Isn't that like pulling money out of my great grand children's asses? Isn't that like printing money because the ink is there? Does it at all seem like hush money? I mean, suppose they put allot of money in our hands to get us to go shopping with it......doesn't this seem like materialistic values? What if i don't want to go shopping? what if i believe a time of frugality is called for theses days?

EHHHHHH i don't KNOW. but i do know that printing money didn't work in Venezuela, Philippines, Nazi Germany, and during the administrations of Hoover and Roosevelt.
I feel like we stare stupidity and insanity in the face and grin our mute compliance.

Remember capitalism? Isn't that where is you make bad financial decisions and loose... TOUGH SHIT? When the big company falls, doesn't that give the little business room to stand up? HEY doesn't that HELP THE ECONOMY?
Oh ...

Here's something, remember American spirit? That's where if they say they where going to switch the TVs to digital on Feb 17 then they would DO IT.... if you failed to get the equipment you needed by then TOUGH SHIT! No TV for you until you do.

but no, for some reason , they really care that you have a TV. That rubs me the wrong way. Why is it so important to have network entertainment? Might it be because those families who loose their television might just be OK with that, and try some critical thought? Perhaps read a few books?

I saw a You Tube the other day, there have been numerous cases of birds falling dead out of the sky. this is all over the world, now. There are some weak lies about "controlled poisoning". Funny thing is , about these controlled, planned deaths of birds, the authorities doing the poisoning didn't feel it necessary to warn the towns folk that stinky caresses would need cleaning up.

Now that one has me a little stumped. Didn't the Bible say that god was going to kill off a third of the birds in one of his bowl judgments? OR you can blame the government. if you imaginative you can say god is using the government to his purpose. Or you can close your eyes and say "i don't see no dead birds", or close your ears and say "see, they said it was the bird flu, or poisoning, or alcida"

I hear the Christians staring lovingly up in the sky.......oh their salvation draweth nigh.

I say..i hope they are right, but i keep looking up saying "here come De Judge"

Forgive my bad writing today. i guess i was not as interested in composing as i was in having a bitch session.

What does Obama mean by making a government supported faith biased office to give charities to people. For that matter why is he harping on the unifying of faiths anyway? That is not his office. But..if memory serves it IS the office of a particular nefarious character from Revelations. I also heard a rumer that he want to change our economy toward a government driven form rather than capitalisim. But HUSHHHH i don't want to be "crazy".

or Subversive.

When the President speaks i find myself calling for the children to be quiet, Hitler is speaking.

I hope i am wrong. I am sure many Readers would tell me i am. But if they tell me so with blind hope fulled ,no fact speech, i will tell them they know no better than me with my fear filled watching. what do we know? I know this, by the time we can point at things and discuss them, it may be too late.

well * yawn* i guess i am done for now. this was boring and not well written. My temptation factor is really high , because i want to write better.

I will go and accept my fate as an average undereducated non poetic blogger.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5k7XCdR6vM&feature=channel_page

see birds falling out of the sky.

Stuff to remember later.

Hello Reader, this one isn't for you. SO it does not matter to me if you understand.

I have an addiction. And in order to assure myself that life really is ok without "it" i am writing out what i perceive to be the internal mental lies the addiction demon speaks, and how come they are not true and how to defeat it.


So here we go.... Dear ME.

Here i am in this wonderful state of mind you crave. But from here i can see that it is no different that where you are now. I am calm, and i can hear each thing happening around me.
I can respond, and move my consciousness seamlessly from attention point .. such as the television is loud now, and i can move my awareness back to writing.

This state of mind is simply being where you are, and quiet. You can achieve this....just breath, listen, be aware of movement.

when you are sober you will hear these thoughts.... "i m going to do it any way." " I am ok now but i will want later" "i hate my life" .... there will be explosions of irrational angers.

notice them for the things they are.

Since you can notice this... you are already using the same state of mind that i am currently in.

You favorite lie is "this time i want ( or will be able) to control this."

Your justification is " i need it to figure things out." you needed this to write..... you are better and more witty when.... various other enablers.

I know you know what they are , Jessy, but you seem to think you forget this when you are sober.

But you don't... you are simply not paying attention calmly. Have you noticed that you spend allot of time judging others behaviors....but little time changing yours? You have come to feel more moral then others, yet trapped in the same things you hate? Work on that, it will help.

guilt and all those other little thoughts are what keep you trapped to this addiction.

learn that you are not thought thoughts... you are these thoughts you are not these thoughts, you are actions.

You know if people would stop wishing ill upon others much common tragedies would stop, yet when you are weak you act in anger and speak mindlessly.

learn to just be in awareness and you are in this state of mind.

It is a lie that that thing is the only way there. it is a deception, just like certain religious behaviors.

If your brain can be happy and aware and intelligent this way, then it is clearly physically capable of being thus now.

because being yourself in this now is the only gift of your choice of addictive substances.


The pains of this gift are many and deeply disturbing to your ideal morality and purpose

Such as the lieing............and other things you need to become aware of now........

learn to over come lies and you are closer to this state of freedom .

good tidings to you.....

And merry Christ- Mass too

May God Bless you And send you a braver new Year.

repent please

(((This is a random post. It is a responce to some conversation i had when i did a fly by at Debunking Christianity. I thought it was groovy so i e-mailed myself and waited for the correct rainy day to post it. ))))
FROM, reply to post title begining with " I used to be an atheist, but "

Seems to me when people have an agery responce to *god talk* it is like they are insulted that another person can have a positive mythology. For them the mythology didnt work and they found another that does. And recent anyone who talks about how they preceive god.

By mythology i mean world veiw, and how one relates to it. I liked the statment " i hate Jar Jar binks. I dont belive in jar jar binks." It is the same thing as saying i hate god. i hate the idea of god. They hate the images and the empty promises and the forced behaveur they associate with god/religion/delusion.Three separate issues.

To me the speak of God and Chrisitanity as the same thing. Therefore they will not belive god is possible. Why not, in light of the glareing fact that those things that failed them was not god, look for other definitions that match up with our first undrestanding of god? Such as god is love, so lets follow compassion and reject the things we concider violence. Well it is one's perogative. Best they find one that teaches them to let go of hateing the false. And start loveing/being with the true.



I blieve that god is in each of your're questions, but i could only subjectivly say that baised on how i belive he was with me. now every body lay face down i have a live grenade!....REPENT


(psyche) i wanted to say i think mad LOL scientist's post was groovy and insightfull. i mystically see god's imaginary influence in your mind which shall be atheistically obliterated at the termination of your life chemical funciton. be blessed.

IZM

Christmas oriented Preaching

Do you want to know why Christian prayer is.. or can be powerful?

Listen to the progression of theses words....maybe later in this blog i will actually look up FOR you scriptural proof texts.

" I, by the virtue of the perfect obedience of your true son, and the sonship that was imparted unto me by the power of your Holiness, do invoke that all entities real or imagined, deceivers and spirits, and evil intentions that have been passed on to me and invited by me into the shpere of my influence and imagination, to have their invitation revoked by the blood of Jesus the Christ."


anyway, whilst i was praying something to that very exact intent i got the jiggly wiggles and grooved majorly in the Spirit. Ida know about you.

Lets start from the beginning ( middle too maybe)....

IN november 2007's blog "imponderations".... and "bewildered"
of dec, i had experienced a spiritaul attack, and a typical christian method of casting out bad juju. And Recently i had come to realise i was again being progressively seduced by the spirit "names" i trust..

There is your true spirit, and then there are those that try to pretend they are "insert name here" . There are also little daydreams and besetting desires and general mindlessness...er mind numbing... mind control... inflicted upon us by reality. All the "entities" obscuring your vision of self and that connection to "god", the emanation of knowledge.

And i had realized also that i was trying to channel Lanel, and absorb her into myself, and "take back" what she took from me.

(always the riddler, that one)

i "pretended" it meant that when i created "lanel" she ( her entity) borrowed from me parts of my better personality.

and to "become whole" i should, according to old familiar and very personal rituals and methods of mental invocation, become integrated as her/me. Not no longer be connected to the name Lanel but to name myself lanel. (ye olde become god yourself ploy) And when i asked advice of my SPG James he psycho-babbled some shit that supported "lanel"

I was mind numbed OK...sheesh.........

Good thing i have a real-life spiritual friend who pointed out that who ever that "Lanel" and "James" where ( in that moment and perhaps a few undiscovered and repented moments previous) they where trying to get me to allow them to possess me and that's supper bad juju.

And we though discussion discerned that i also had a succubus.
And agreed that it was a very good idea to Spiritually clean house.

And through our discussions i revealed that i had been not spiritually minded, full of hates and fears, yadda yadda, paranoid, etc....well, LOOK you read my blog, you have but to verify.

I remembered that the really "super good James", and the way groovy spiritual experience happen with me more clearly when i am personal with the bible. Sorry Atheists, i figured out how come it is the Living Word of god.

Because it's voice can be directed to you... and here are some verses that i "pretend" appealed to my situation and began the prayer that included the above sentiment....

Last, first, Jer. 2:13 this had occurred to me after the whole praying shabang ( tongues and calling demons by name and throwing their asses out the east door and sealing it up and filling the empty places with the light of the holy spirit etc etc.) These verses seemed to point out how i had sinned and thus how i might avoid missing the "voice of the true Shepherd."


"""For My people have committed two evils: They have forsaken Me the fountain of Living Waters (notice the friggen pluralisation, will ya)....

To hew for themselves cisterns, (how pathetic, but wait there's more) Broken Cisterns, that can hold no water.""""

And last, the Verses that Provoked my "banishing ritual" prayer.

They are contained within Job 5 With emphasis of meaning on the following.

12 " He frustrates the plotting of the shrewed, so that their hands cannot attain success. 13 He captures the wise by their own shrewdness. And the advice of the cunning is quickly thwarted."

"15 But he saves from the sword of their own mouth."

"19 From six troubles He will deliver you, even in seven, evil will not touch you. 20 In famine (both physical and spiritual) He will redeem you from death. And in war from the power of the sword."

And in Job 6:12,13 Job lamented he was at fault because his Help was not within him.

Job, like me tried to retain an image of god and the entity soured.
~~~~SELAH ~~~~~


And there are many other revelations of personal significance that followed but they are not yours.

Now......I did indeed have to take back what lanel took from me but it was not my own self, or my personality traits and abilities , nor access to the knowledge of and connection to the True Spirit and to exorcise the powers thereof.... but it was this....

My fear........and the realisation of the knowledge that She has no power over me. Save that which i give her, and to let that spirit inside me to live as me or my controler was only a method of enslavement.

SO i called HALT, and surrendered to the spirit of He that knows himself to be the Creator and Almighty Holiness...........ya know?

well it worked.....

dag nabit.

Now how is this all oriented to christmas?

I have to take a break for a few, non existent unto yourselves, blog moments....brb




Christmas is when god became flesh. Or if your more gnostic in orientation you might conceive that Jesus that true son of god the Christ, became god's flesh.

Which would be to to attain a state of no delusion, and communication with truth and divinity, and to have function in reality and the body.

Or if you are a puppeteer, it is to become a personal receptor counciouslessly, of god's relation and beingness in that certain reality you perceive.

Ya... i know, i am bloody confounding.

it just means to enjoy god. not that you BE god but that truth has a flow, and correctness has an order of authority.

shoot that wasn't any better.

well you'll understand when you get it for yourself in your own personal language.

Sorry, sometimes the truth sounds like a cop out.

My belabored point is that It is Christmas everyday a son of god is born.

And because Jesus was Christ, and so Paul explains a wee bit better than i, He adopted us, and imparted christness into us. Showed us how to walk that path.... how to surrender to perfect obedience.

...

* notices i have lost the atheists...... a few of them are arching eyebrows and making personal judgments...... i think one left.... and i decide not to try to psycho-babble about specifics anymore.*

well dear readers i think that's all she wrote.....